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Dude, that last entry is bringing me down. However, I have one more and then cross my heart I'll go back to talking about baby poop and how freaking tired I am. (Mia pooped on the rug on Monday. On the rug. Also, I am really, stupidly tired. There, that should tide you over.)

A couple days ago, I sent an email to yet another friend with whom I have fallen out of touch, asking if he wanted to grab lunch sometime. I don't know what it is that is driving me to seek out these forgotten and discarded friends. Maybe motherhood has made me long for a connection to my past, maybe it has made me feel old so that I am compelled to find the people who knew me when I was young. Or maybe it is just that I have a tan for the first time in 20 years and for once in my life have pretty good hair, and that big honking zit on my cheek is very nearly gone, and if you are going to reconnect with people you haven't seen in a while, you may as well do it when you are looking hot. Hard to say.

This latest in my string of targets is a friend from 15 years ago, but our families have odd connections going back 60 years. I've written about him before here. We were really close for a while, but have been drifting for a couple of years now. Also, I was holding a grudge, and I've told you about me and grudges.

The difference here is that we never had any falling out, and also he has to answer me or I'll tell his mom on him. Anyway, I decided that I don't want to be looking back years from now and regretting that I did nothing to save this friendship, so I decided to just ditch my anger and hurt feelings and see if there was anything left to salvage.

Hey, get me. It's like, personal growth, or something. I promise I won't make a habit of it.

Comments (15)

Way to go Beth! YAY for me, first comment too. Its great that you are atleast forgetting, if not forgiving. Thats half the battle won. Let us know how it goes. are inspiring me to maybe, finally, do something to repair a friendship that I have let go from college.

A wise man once said "Be carefull when traveling the road to the past, it is often littered with missed opportunities and covered with potholes of ill will, you may end up tripping and hurting yourself."

I've always been afraid to tell you this (in case you might bear a grudge), but if there's one thing I've not been a big fan of about you, Beth, it's been your position on grudges. (Please don't hate me.) Truly, I'm impressed that you're reaching out to these old and dear friends. See, even if all of the contacts don't turn out exactly as you'd like, you get to be smug knowing that you were the bigger person by trying to get back in touch. :-)

Also, on the rug? Mia?! That angel?! I refuse to believe it.

Good for you. Hope you hear back and don't have to rat him out to his mom. ;)

I think sometimes as we grow older and have kids and all, we want to go back and reminice about who we were in our youth.
I did for a while, until I realized that many of the people I "loved" back then have become people I wouldn't want to know now.

thank you. i just found an old friend, was inspired to go out and find him and email him, because of these posts. in high school i had a most bestest friend ever and we lost touch after a year away in college (i went one way he went the other). over the past 10-15 years i've looked on the internet, and probably found him a couple times, but never reached out to say hello. today i took a chance and did it... and it was the right person and he remembered me.

not sure where it'll go from here, but i took that step and satisfied my curiousity. thanks.

OK, as long as there's no more personal growth...

Ah, the fun of inappropriate pooping. Just wait til she fingerpaints with it!

Interesting. I recently contacted some old friends on Myspace. They actually replied and remembered me, so I didn't feel like too big of a loser :)

Dude. I am so with you on the stupidly tired thing. The child is on the road to meeting Dr. Ferber if he doesn't watch it. All I need to do is get me a cage (we don't have a crib or playpen). He's 16.5 months. Something must be done. I thought you were doing ok for awhile there--what happened?

It's always worth a shot. If nothing else, you'll know you made the effort.

I'm so glad you're talking about this. I guess a lot of us are in the same frame of mind and looking to reconnect, and the internet just makes it too easy. I'll be meeting up with a high school friend next week for coffee, haven't seen him in like 15 years. I'm kinda nervous.

You know how you stop getting your period when you're breastfeeding until up to a year...? Maybe it's finally that time of the month, and you're all hormonal? Or, maybe you're feeling good about yourself (as you should) and want to flaunt your success with these grudge holders, etc.. Maybe you're truly loving yourself now, so the parts of yourself you disliked in these people then are insignificant....know what I mean? A wise woman told me that, when we dislike people, it's usually because they (or something about them) represents something we don't like about ourselves. Now, there's nothing to dislike about these people, nothing to fear, nothing to repress, because you're all out there and happy.

I think it's totally cool that you're making the effort. My general attitude has been to leave these folks in the past.

Sometimes, however, the past finds me.

I was on national television a couple of times over the past week. Work/geek stuff: I was interviewed for some tech issues that I cover from work.

Suddenly, I received e-mails and phone calls from folks who wouldn't return my calls 10 to 15 years ago. Friends, or so I thought, who simply dropped off the radar when I got married and moved away.

Oh well. Their loss. I felt somewhat superior that they were the ones calling me now that they knew what I was up to. I'm far from a celebrity. But as long as they think I am and are willing to debase themselves in the process, I'm willing to engage in a bit of private gloating.

Sometimes, people really suck! Thankfully, you rock!

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