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Bitch

So hi, I'm bitchy. I mean, we are still having the molar bullshit, and I am so over it. As is Mia, I assume. And then we have the thing where Mia stopped nursing, (which, thank you for all the emails yesterday, I do appreciate it, but overall I don't much want to talk about it, so let's keep doing that, yes?). Then yesterday, Chris posted a picture of my flabby belly on the internets, which ok, I did approve it, but only because I knew he was taking the picture and was totally sucking it in, so maybe it doesn't look too flabby to you, but I know the truth.

Fortunately, now that I am no longer feeding my child with my very body I am free to drink lots and lots of wine, which helps. I'm drinking screw top wine right now, which is actually good and it was not cheap, but I am a snob so I feel like a total wino, which actually works for me right now so let's move on. (By the way, I'm writing this Wednesday night, I'm not drinking for breakfast.)

Anyway, do me a favor, would ya? Would you please click on over to my other blog today since having some decent stats over there for once might help to counteract the bitchy. (I mean, I know a lot of you read over there regularly, and I appreciate that, but I'm not winning and I really like to win.)

Finally, I have decided I need to do something to cheer myself the hell up, so I am taking recommendations. Keep in mind that I still refuse to get a fucking job, so cheap is good. And I really didn't need to throw fucking in there, but I am trying hard to stop swearing in front of Mia which likely means I'm going to be saying fuck a whole lot here.

I know, I know, I'm making you do all the work. Sue me.

Comments (48)

Buy a new pair of shoes. Really awesome, expensive ones. And an outfit to match. One that makes you look H-O-T.

And then have the firemen check out Mia's carseat again...

Oh, you said cheap. Ummm, OK.

Just go to the fire station, then. Skip the expensive shoes. Although I still think they would make you feel better...

Listen carefully. Go out to your car. Jostle the carseat a bit. No, unhook it. Then replace it. Badly. (But not so bad as to be unsafe to your cutest baby in the universe) Then proceed to the firestation for help.

I'm thinking a day at a spa. Pedicure, manicure, total body massage done by a handsome Swede named Sven, and a facial. All things that are just for Beth.
Oh and tell them you want champagne while you're getting this done.
Cheers!!!!

Go find a petting zoo with Mia. The look on her face will cheer you up, even if she is sorta the one making you sad.

schedule a makeover at the clinique counter for the next time chris is available to stay with mia. since they have skincare stuff they'll try to make you try too, you'll get a face massage and a chance to feel pampered all for free. plus you get samples afterward. ;)

When I weaned Pumpkin, I had a big freakin' cappuccino with like quadruple shots of espresso. I had the spiciest Mexican food I could find. Everything I couldn't do while I was nursing, I so did. (And that burrito was delish!).

I know you're kinda mourning the end of the nursing era, but that means you can do something for YOU - it's been a long time since your body wasn't you know, providing life or sustenance for another being - and now it's all about you again - I agree with those who told you to pamper yourself - a pedicure, a massage (I so can't do massages - I *hate* having random people touch me - and the last massage I got, the masseuse totally jumped my case about not drinking enough water...).

Feeding Ducks is cheap

wine and chocolate (sometimes together!) are my favorite cheap pick-me-ups. maybe I feel that way because the wine is still off limits to me. Chocolate is always good, though.

I am crazy envious that your "flabby" belly is waaaay smaller than mine. =)

I recommend lots and lots of delicious, delicious coffee. I read somewhere that coffee can be used medicinally to treat depression, 1/4th cup per hour until you get to the time of day where you'll be up all night if you drink coffee. It didn't say if it would help with bitchiness, but I suspect it would, especially if the bitchiness is from sadness.

Also, this sounds stupid, but I find it helps to have a lot of lights on.

When I need cheap salve, I like to buy a new leave-in conditioner, or a new face lotion, or new shampoo and conditioner. It doesn't have to be expensive--I'm personally a fan of Suave, which is el cheapo but has fun varieties (enhancing highlights! green apple scent! smooths as well as Matrix!) to try.

I also recommend treats. Bag of favorite candy, container of favorite ice cream. These things can help nudge you through a tough time, and they can make it seem as if there ARE good things in the world after all.

Treat yourself to a spa treatment...massage, manicure, pedicure. Something just for you.

I feel your teething pain. Oliver's cutting some new ones. It sucks.

Fun and FREE is the "Cast Your Own Movie" game. Pick your favorite book that hasn't been made into a movie and then start figuring out who you would cast in the various roles.

For an almost free treat, try soaking your feet in a nice warm tub when your daughter is asleep. Throw a few marbles in the bottom and roll your feet around on them. If you want to spend just a few $$$, buy some lavender oil or some other fragrant oil and put a few drops in. The oils usually cost $10 or less and add a nice touch of aromatherapy.

Eat Junk Food. Watch Junk TV. And one tequila, two tequila, three tequila, four! Get the idea?

i usually drown my sorrows in my good friends ben and jerry.

they make me feel better, but then they make me feel fat. stupid cycle.

Ummm, everyone stole my ideas, so maybe a reflexology session? It feels awesome!

Chocolate! Followed by some more chocolate.
And then?
Let yourself wallow in your misery a little bit - you're entitled.
Hugs!

My favorite cheap treat is to have someone babysit, and go to a movie by myself. Or if you're a person who hates going to the movies by herself, then go to your favorite bookstore. Have a coffee, and wonder around looking at books.

I felt exactly the same way as you after finishing nursing. I had planned to do it for 2 years and had to wean my first at 15 months because of some stupid medication I was taking (I was so sick I couldn't even pump, so that was the end of nursing for us). And my second did exactly what Mia did. But here's one good thing about that - then you don't have to go through torturous weaning later on. Hang in there - and drink lots of wine!

If you have a garden shed (mine is nasty and decaying) throw old vegetables at it. The resulting "thwap" sounds are very satisifying. Um . . .do it in the name of composting!

make sangria, eat some chocolate, drink said sangria, eat more chocolate, drink more sangria. follow above pattern until you can't think and then all will be amusing, even your-so-not-flabby belly picture. (i will show you flabby!)

Chocolate, of course, is always a good start. I recommend a good hot bath, with a fun read (Janet Evanovich is always good tub material), your box of chocolate and a glass of wine. You can always take the bottle with you!

You might try a long run/workout session (before the bath), too. Get some good endorphins pumping through, and try to get the post-nursing hormones out of your system?

Call me weird, but what helps cheer me up and feel like I've accomplished something is organizing something - a file, a drawer, a room, etc.

I also want you to know that I read your other blog everyday...and love it! However, I subscribe to it via Bloglines and usually read it in that window, so I'm not sure if it actually comes up as a visit to your site when I do it that way. If it helps, I'd be more than happy to click into the actual site if it means more stats for you. :)

Dude. You DO NOT have a flabby belly at all. In fact I called you a bitch when I saw that picture because of your disgustingly flat post baby stomach. Ew. You whore.

But I only say that because I'm jealous. You're not really a whore. Just a wino.

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling bitchy. Hang in there, this will all pass.

I was going to suggest drinking wine and swearing, but I guess you've got that covered already. I think the suggestion about reinstalling Mia's carseat incorrectly and then going to the firestation sounds like a great idea! Do that. I feel happier just thinking about it, and I'm not even bitchy today!

Hope you feel happier soon :)

And shut it, already, about your "flabby" stomach. Geeeeeeeeeez. I'm not even going to go to Chris' site to see the picture because I know I will end up just feeling more depressed about my own flab collection. You look fabulous, girl!

I know I said I wouldn't go look at those pictures, but I often do what I say I won't.

I have no idea what tummy flab you are talking about.

You have NO. TUMMY. FLAB!!!

And now, I am sad.

Sad maker.

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, fun and cheap, and I'm assuming it should be something you don't need a massive chunk of time to do?

I like to take pictures of Lady looking all sweet and perfect, and then I make her take a nap so I can put them online and marvel at how delightful and well behaved my silent child is. Or I like to move furniture around and pretend I'm redecorating.

God, do I ever feel you on this post. When I'm feeling like princess mcbitchy pants, I try to buy something pink. If something pink isn't available, then some new makeup, shoes, or a handbag/purse always works. As does wine. And chocolate.

Hmm... when I'm feeling sad, I take it out on my older kids or my hubby, and make them clean. Stuff that might not even really need cleaning. Power is a good thing.

I like all the suggestions you gotten. I might have to try those next time. Maybe then the rest of my family won't be angry with me. LOL!

Hugs on the weaning. That's all I'll say about that...

I've been on vacation the past three days, and had to come back to work just to check your blog. Seriously, that's all I've done today. Im sorry about the weaning, I was sad too when Daya stopped nursing. *hugs*

Oh, take a short vacation. Its the best. thing. ever. Put the child with someone you trust, dont go to work and go get a massage. I tried this, so I can promise it really works. In your case, not going to work means getting out of the house. Alone. For a whole day.

Frozen watermelon margaritas for everyone!!

I like the duck feeding/petting zoo idea.

Also, I know you're an old school Chapstick girl, but for six bucks you can get a tube of Kiehl's and feel glam whilst chappifying. Or get the Blistex Liptone/hint of tint one. (around $2) True chappy action, and you look put together with no extra effort.

Your belly is in no way flabby!

My suggestions were going to be: trip to the cosmetics counter (I did this last weekend and felt very pampered and you don't have to buy anything), margaritas, or just arranging a little time for yourself. But everyone else already beat me to it.

For my friends, the best medicine-free anti-depressant is a manicure. That always seems to work. As for me, I've got my middle, index, and thumb of my left hand all paint different colors and they've been like that for two days, so I really don't know what's going on there...

Apparently, "pretty" is the real anti-depressant. It always works for me.

I like the manicure/pedicure idea, but I actually like doing it for myself. Then you get the double whammy of having pretty nails AND feeling virtuous for not paying someone else for such a frivolous thing! Plus, there's something oddly relaxing about sloughing away your own dead foot skin or pushing back your own cuticles. Um, if you're OCDish like me, that is.

How about a day at the mall with your best friend? To buy some clothes to go with that SO NOT FLABBY body of yours? A nice dinner with lots of whine afterwards??

I'm sorry about Mia stopping with nursing. I'm slowly weaning Tim. And I find it pretty difficult to go from 5 to 4 breastfeedings a day. He doesn't care, but I do.

It's hard to let go. Hugs!

I have two words for you. Project Runway. Tivo it. Live happy.

And - you are beautiful and smart and a damn good writer - see, don't you feel a tiny, eensy bit better now??

I do yoga. It puts me in a different mindset. If that doesn't work, I go for the bottle of Xanax.

Oh, but you wanted like, normal person suggestions... take a walk around the block, with Mia, backwards. At every corner, stick your butt out and wiggle it. That would cheer me up.

I love bitchy beth. LOVE HER!

Do it again! Do it again! Please? I'll go click on the other thinggie a million times ...

Getting my favorite drink at my favorite coffee shop always cheers me up. Or maybe an ice cream or smoothie.

Or maybe do your hair and makeup for no reason and wear you really like.

Blast the radio and dance around in the living room.

Sorry to hear you are bitchy. But Bitchy Beth is still Awesome Beth. So it's cool with me.

Something to make you feel better that's cheap? Oh, I painted my nails with the nanny on Monday and it was awesome.

(Except now it's all chipped and I look like a loose Republican Whore!)

They didn't leave me much to say except it's okay to be bitchy from time to time.

Is that really something you hear alot when you're out and about. "Oh, here comes flabby Beth!"
I really don't think so.
Lots of great suggestions. I am especially fond of the duck idea because that includes an element of danger when the food runs out and there are still, y'know...hungry ducks!
I don't know. Go outside and lay in the grass (yours or a neighbor's) and play with Mia. Not terribly original, but incredibly cheap. Mia will supply the entertainment.

I tend to feel better if I just get a chance to veg out at home with a bottle of wine and a good movie. But I also like the mani/pedi idea.

I'll click to your other blog in lieu of responding to "Wean", which was my immediate inclination. ;o)

I've heard that the scent of apple is good for when you're feeling depressed. I had apple perfume as a child (can't find it again!) and I loved loved loved the smell so I believe it. I'm not sure how that applies, I guess, except that the smell of something you love always makes you feel good. And yeah, pedicures and a latte afterwards always feels like I'm doing something nice for myself...if I'm home with the children a movie is hard but a nice bath with chocolate in the bath and a book or magazine is something else wonderful. Nothing new with any of these suggestions though.

Sorry to hear you are going through the breasfeeding blues. My sister had that with her daughter, only she couldn't breastfeed past a month because her milk just went away. She cried for days. Just know that you did a terrific job!

And yeah, get your fucks out of your system now, because once they hit like a year and a half, they start mimicking everything. We thought my niece was saying truck, but no, it was fuck. Grrrreat.

I saw the pic with the tummy! it looked great!

I hope you're feeling better today. Sorry I didn't get to help cheer you up yesterday...

I know, the best part about stopping nursing is the drinking part. Woot!

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So the Fish Said...

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I want to get a pet duck and keep it in the bathtub.
I am addicted to chap stick and altoids.
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