Y'all suck at guessing. Well, most of you anyway. However, you are very good at making fun of my hair. I'm considering a retrospective of yearbook photos, just to scare you all a little bit.
Anyway, I had decaf passionfruit iced tea lemonade with...
... are you ready for this...
...not-Benjamin. Not-Benjamin did not have decaf passionfruit iced tea lemonade, for those playing along at home. He had an iced coffee as big as my head and a bottle of water that he let Mia throw on the floor 86 times.
It was great to see him, mostly. I mean, it always kind of sucks to see someone again after 10 years, doesn't it? It's all awkward and weird and you have to sit there and do the "so, how's your mom?" stuff and run through all the people from high school you have heard from in the last ten years. And well, maybe that's fine for you guys, but I absolutely suck at small talk so for me it kinda blows. It also sucks that he is still calling me on all my bullshit, which he did in high school and it drove me crazy and I had hoped that in the last 10 years I had at least gotten better at it, but apparently not.
So, we did the general catch-up part and managed to hit on death and religion and he managed to tell me I was "jive" which nobody has said to me since, um, he said it to me 15 years ago so that made me giggle. And then I bullied him into letting me take a picture for my blog, which he didn't want me to do which doesn't make sense as he has his own website with pictures (no, I will not give you the link). I was going to post the picture anyway, but suddenly I am having an attack of conscience so you will all just have to suffer.
I did ask if I could use his real name, and he said no. The nerve! Actually, he said something about how this is fiction anyway, but I disagree. I mean, just because I make shit up doesn't mean it's fiction. I prefer to think of it as a Freyian memoir. However, not-Benjamin he wants to be so not-Benjamin he will remain.
I have, however, had a fabulous idea! (Come on, you know how much you love my fabulous ideas.) Not-Benjamin is currently single, and some of you are currently single, and I was thinking what I should do is raffle him off. It would be great, see? One of you could date him and then tell me about it and the 12-year-old Beth could live vicariously through you. Except that since you would be enacting my eighth grade fantasy, you would have to spend most of your time holding hands by your locker and having your mom drive you to the movies. It sounds great, doesn't it?
See, the crazy thing about not-Benjamin is that he was an incredibly sexy 12-year-old. I mean, he had the zits and bad hair like the rest of us, but on him it worked. And naturally, being a happily married woman I no longer notice such things, but if you met him then you might notice that he is still pretty damned hott. He was also very sweet to Mia and even held her for a minute (although he did look a bit like I had just handed him a grenade and kept the pin). He also writes poetry, and that's supposed to be romantic, right? (Although the last time a boyfriend wrote a poem for me it was really, really bad, and then he pulled out his guitar and started playing it very badly and then I had to leave the room because I was crying but I made it seem like I was just really moved.)
Oh, right. Anyway, I think a raffle would be great and we can donate the proceeds to charity or something. I told not-Benjamin that I think a couple of you are a little in love with him anyway based on the comment or two he has left here so I could totally hook him up with the internet ladies. He response was "wait, aren't they sort of stalkers?" And I said yes, some, but in the very nicest possible way. So, what do you think? I figure we can get it going now and then whoever wins will have time to get to know not-Benjamin a little bit before the Fall and then he can invite you to the first after-school dance at our old junior high and you can tease your bangs and he'll flip up his collar and it will be totally, totally radical.