Kristen asked: "Other than not-Benjamin, have you had any crushes/loves other than Chris?"
Well, a few. And since this is a fun little memory exercise for me, I am going to tell you all what I can remember about every single one of my crushes and some of the guys who actually agreed to date me (which I just realized is a very short list). I hope it will be more entertaining than it sounds. Also, after much internal debate I have decided to use their real names, because if anybody who knew me at the time is lurking out there and wants to make fun of me over who I had a crush on 15 years ago, well it is time to get a life.
It all starts in fifth grade when I had a major crush on a sixth grader named either Greg or Alex. (I can't remember, but am sort of leaning towards Alex.) I don't remember anything about Greg/Alex other than he was maybe blonde and was "going with" another fifth grade girl. I'm not sure what that meant in fifth grade, but I think it is likely that saying you were going together comprised the entirety of the relationship. I do remember that one time Greg/Alex loaned me a pencil to take a spelling test and I acted like I forgot to return it and kept it in a little Greg/Alex shine for a week or so. And then I lost it.
Seventh grade I had a crush on not-Benjamin, which I've already documented in embarassing enough detail, thank you very much. I will just add that one day in our sixth period science class this really mean girl named Mindy was making fun of me and saying I had dandruff (maybe I did, I don't know, but that sort of thing was devastating in seventh grade) and not-Benjamin told me it was ok because he had dandruff too and so did his best friend. Of course, that just made the whole thing about a million times worse, because now not-Benjamin thought I had dandruff, but he was trying to be nice.
Eighth grade I was madly in love with this guy named Shane who was, um, tall. I don't think I ever spoke to him. Well, ok, there was this one time that my best friend and I called him and I told him he didn't know me because I lived in the next state and asked him if there was anybody at his school that he liked. He said no and I was just devastated! Obviously, I thought he was going to take this opportunity to confess to his deep and abiding love for the dorky girl who sat behind him in English. It took me weeks to get over.
The summer after eighth grade I decided I was in love with Mike from my church youth group. I told someone who told someone else who told someone else who told him and he asked me out. We went to see Colors for our only and my first-ever date. My mom drove me there and he came on his skateboard. After that, he asked me to go with him, and I said yes but then I broke up with him two days later because I was bored. Or maybe I broke up with him because he french kissed me after the movie and it was gross and I sure as hell didn't want him doing that again.
Ninth grade I had a thing for Scott who played Jesus when we did Godspell. Another guy I never spoke too, but one day when my friends and I were hanging out in McDonald's he came in to use the bathroom and I thought I was just going to die because he might have almost accidentally looked at me. I think that was the last time I ever saw him since he was a senior. We'll always have McDonald's, Scott.
In tenth grade I dated another guy from church named Hal. I went out with him mostly because he had a driver's license, which was pretty cool. Although he was also a nice guy, so I guess that wasn't fair. Hal like wrestling (professional wrestling, not wrestling on the couch, although that too) and wrote me poems. We went out for five months and then I broke up with him because I was bored.
In eleventh grade I went out with Derek, who was a senior and had blue eyes except for part of one eye that was brown. One time we went canoeing with his parents and Derek decided to let me steer for a while and I steered us right into a tree and then a snake dropped out of the tree into the canoe. I screamed. After that I tore my contact lens so was half blind for the rest of the day. Derek was learning to play the guitar when we were going out and learned "Kathy's Song" for me since it was one of my favorites. It was really sweet, except also it was really bad. We went out for about eight months and then I broke up with him because I was bored.
Senior year I went out with Mike. On Valentine's Day, he gave me a teddy bear and one of those satin roses you can buy at 7-Eleven and a poem he wrote for me. As far as I can remember, that was the last time a guy wrote a poem for me, because after that, for some inexplicable reason, guys started drawing me instead. Mike had (and still has, as far as I know) this amazing long, blond, incredibly curly hair that makes women jealous. We were still together when we went to college, and the first time I called him I said "Hi, this is Beth." And he said, "Beth who?" He wasn't joking. Ouch. We went out for about a year, and then I broke up with him because I was bored. Oh no, wait, I broke up with him because I met Chris.
The story of how I met Chris is one for another day, as is the story of all the men I accidentally made out with. Honestly, you would have thought after the first few I would have learned how to avoid that, but I never did. Now I am thinking that this is a really pitiful list of men I have lusted after and that maybe I should make up a few more just for padding. Maybe tomorrow we'll do the Fake Loves of Beth.