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Talking about my butt again

Questions, questions, questions. Let's go ahead and get started, shall we?

Corinne asked: how is it that you have a smokin' ass? does that come naturally? or do you have to work at it?

This made me giggle, because Corinne has seen my smokin' ass in person on several occasions (not that she was paying it special attention though, I'm sure) and I appreciate her helping me to perpetuate this particular piece of internet lore. I used to maintain my smokin' ass by frequent trips to the gym. These days I maintain it mostly through denial. The sad truth is that my smokin' ass is just as soft and squishy as the rest of me because I make it to the gym about twice a month. The planning and organization required to leave the house for an hour without my kid is enough to sap my will to live, so instead I tend to sit on the couch and eat ice cream.

On a related topic, Quirkybook asked: What age are/were you that you felt prettiest/most attractive/most confident, and why so?

I hate this question, because it is going to force me to say something positive about my physical appearance, and yes, I am one of those women who finds doing that to be harder than walking past a pint of Ben & Jerry's without diving in.

I've mentioned before that I lost a lot of weight in college. Too poor to buy groceries + never too poor to buy cigarettes = collarbones you could use to put an eye out. I'm 5'6" and weigh about 130 - sometimes a little more, sometimes a little less, and just about exactly what I weighed when I graduated high school. By junior year of college, I weighed 105. It was not attractive. In fact, it was pretty gross. But, I got used to looking that way and I mention it just so that you will know where I am coming from when I complain about my fat thighs.

You've all seen proof that high school was not exactly a shining time of great beauty and good hair for me. College was my famine victim phase, and also not highly attractive. For a while after college I got into wearing all these ridiculous short and/or tight skirts in an effort to, I don't know... be young? Sexy? Keep up with the girls at work? Not a good look for me. Well, ok, depending what you were going for maybe it looked fine, but it didn't fit me as a person and looked pretty ridiculous. After that, I got into pleated pants. I'm sorry, please forgive me. I thought I was hiding my big butt and fat thighs.

And now? Well, now I have exactly one pair of shorts that fit me so I wear them every single day, almost always with a stained t-shirt and unbrushed hair in a ratty ponytail. Yesterday, I forgot to brush my teeth until 2 in the afternoon. (Sorry, Corinne.) I have a pot belly and a saggy butt and fat thighs and flappy arms and am covered in bruises from chasing a toddler around. And now, right now, is the prettiest/most attractive/most confident I have ever felt.

I no longer care. Not in the sense that I am going to make not brushing my teeth a habit or anything, just that I'm no longer feel like how I look has anything to do with my value as a person, and that, THAT, suddenly makes me think I'm gorgeous. I love my body because it created and carried and gave life to my daughter. I love my small, lopsided, unattractive boobs, because they fed and still feed my daughter. I figured out that all those things I always wanted to be - pretty and sexy and noticed - are things that happen in your head, not in your body, that they are more attitude than anything. I have realized that, for the first time in my life, men stop to look at me now. Not because I look good, because I usually don't, but because I am happy, I feel great, I am confident, and those are the things that are really attractive. (Ok, maybe it's because I sometimes forget to actually put a shirt on before going out in public. True story.)

It isn't really that I feel "prettiest/most attractive/most confident" right now, but that I feel those things for the first time. It only took 31 years.

Ok, that's enough affirmation bullshit and personal fucking growth for me. Your turn - answer Quirkybook's question. It'll make you feel good.

Comments (22)

Sweet! I am the first to comment, finally the stalking payed off. I feel my prettiest/most attractive/confident right now (22). Not because I am in the typical sense, but because I see the way my boyfriend reacts to/looks at me. I know what he is thinking, and he cannot be wrong, right? Not that I measure my worth by what guys think of me. We just are in a good place with our relationship, and I have never been happier than I am now, and I think that radiates, so others take notice.

I am still working on that "prettiest/most attractive/most confident" thing and I am 49. You go girl!

I do feel prettiest, which makes me feel most confident, when I don't see my reflection. I have found that I think/feel prettier than I acutally look. Weird, eh? :)

Crap! I forgot to answer the question.

My answer is right now at 49, because I have finally reliazed the same things you have found out. The stuff that really matters is on the inside. Well, except for the stuff in the dark scary place, but that is a whole different blog answer/question. *giggle*

And you do have a smokin' ass. heh

my 5-year-old turned to me this week (and if you know anything about her...she's VERY stylish) and said, "Mommy, you and Tova (good friend of mine) are the most beautiful girls i have ever seen."

i just about died. that was the single most amazing thing ANYONE has ever said to me. since then, i've totally been walking around thinking i'm hot shit.

First of all, you went out *in public* without at shirt on?? I actually LOLed at that! I have to admit that one of my biggest fears is that I'll forget to re-button my shirt after pumping at work. But so far I'm managed to keep the girls under wraps.

I'm not quite to the point where I feel the prettiest/most attractive/most confident right now. I'm OK with my body, although I'd like to get a few more pounds off. Being 20 pounds overweight when I got pg is contributing to that feeling. My hair is a disaster, but that's because I'm growing it out so that I can do the mom-ponytail and get on with my day. I figure I'll feel much better about myself when my hair doens't piss me off.

To actually answer the question, the best I felt about myself was after my divorce from my first husband. Crazy, I know. But I went on the divorce weight-loss program (lots of stress, lots of alcohol, little food and little sleep) so I was thin and could wear cute clothes. Plus, I was taking control of my life and didn't give a crap if I ever met another man again. So what happened? I met my current husband and we've been together 7 years now. You're right; it's all about the attitude.

Dude, I thought I saw something lodged in there... j/k it's okay, because truth be told, I'm not sure I even got around to brushing my teeth yesterday... well, maybe right before bedtime... But I agree... I have one pair of shorts that fit, one pair of pants (well two, since I sucked it up and bought me a nice pair of pants that I LOVE now, even if they ARE a size larger than I used to be... I'm getting better about loving the body I'm in... but I think I"ve always been unhappy. Which is sad, because going through old HS pictures and even college pictures last night, I realized how stupid I was to think I was fat back then.

Beth, I'm so glad you posted this today. I have recently been lamenting my pre-pregnancy body. I'm at my pre-pg weight of 110, but the belly is a little...loose...(though I dont have stretch marks!!) and my boobs have changed and I liked them better before.

This is a beautiful post and your line saying "I love my body because it created and carried and gave life to my daughter." is something I'll keep in my head when I'm being overly critical of myself.

Thanks.

The other day as I was getting out of the shower, my 4 year old said,

"Mom, You have an excellent bum."

Well, there ya go. I'm set.

I felt prettiest/most attractive/most confident the day I got married and over my honeymoon. I had reached my prime, baby. I was a Gringa goddess gracing the beaches of Mexico (at least my husband seemed to think so.)

Now... well, now. I have to agree: Now I just don't care. And that feels fabulous, wonderful, totally liberating and I want to run out into the street and burn my bra (stained yellow with boob sweat nursing bra, that is.) But it's that I realize it doesn't matter. I do, however, realize that I don't look so great these days. I swelled from a shapely, happy enough size 10 to a shapely, monster-breasted size 14. No matter how beautiful my body is for creating my amazing daughter, the veins and the stretch marks and the extra cushion on the rear just don't make for classic beauty. But I am totally okay with that.

Further, I think it's important to point this out: my opinion of myself has changed dramatically since I now have a daughter, because it HAS to. I will not allow my daughter to see me look in the mirror and grimace, to see me attempt to flex my butt and suck in my tummy, or to hear me say, "I look terrible. Ugh, Mommy's ugly today." These are things I used to do, and I won't teach her that I hate myself, or that it's okay for her to hate herself. Ever.

So I made the concious decision to do what I should have done years ago. I love myself, and I don't need to look gorgeous on the outside to do that.

I love my body way more after having G but only because I was so painfully skinny before and now I have a little something if you consider 96lbs (that was before this preg) a little which most people would think was anorexic but before having her I was in the 89 range for almost all of highschool and my marriage and I ate three solid meals a day. So I feel better now and even better now that I am 114 lbs with this new baby inside.
As far as the teeth goes..you got me way beat. Sometimes I dont brush the hair or teeth til night time and SHHHHH but sometimes I forget to brush my teeth all day. Before I had G I showered and washed the hair every single day sometimes twice and brushed the teeth 3 times a day. Just dont get to close to me.

I agree with you, Beth. But darn them all being right about how feeling beautiful comes from within, anyway. I hate it when they're right.

In high school I only wore big baggy shirts, usually with sweatshirts tied around my waist, not only because it was the fashion, but because I thought it covered my big giant butt. I was almost 5'7" and 117 pounds when I graduated. I know I dropped at least 10 pounds my Freshman year of college, because the food was so bad, which I thought was a good thing.

I *know* I have looked better in the past, but I'm far more comfortable in my skin now (almost 32) than I've ever been, even when there was less of it, and it was smoother.

I actually feel my prettiest if I'm holding my daughter while I look in the mirror. Thinking about how beautiful she is makes me see the features we share, and like them in myself.

I always felt that way. Except nowadays its not as often and as much as I'd like to feel that way. Cause at times I think I'm highly overweight and other times I feel I'me perfectly hot the way I am. After all being the way I am gives me curves and umm...some other big features too.

Wow...if that's what a fat ass looks like...sign me up. At 5'8" I don't think I look as good as you.

Yes, right now. Today. I feel the best. Not because I am wrinkle free or without gray hairs, but because I like who I am and tat makes me feel good about myself.
My grandmother always told me, "Your beautiful now at 16 on the outside. That's easy. But take care to become a good person, because if you don't, it will eventually show on the outside."

I am not a mother yet but I have struggle with weight all my life and I am only 25. I have been 110 and 225. I was 225 pounds 1/1/06. I am now 170 pounds and I am feeling so sexy that I cannot stop laughing out loud. People must think that I am crazy. Wearing a loze size 12 has made me feel like I am the queen of the world.
I am however working to get to a size 6, wish me luck.

Oh, I sooo know what you mean. I wish i could care more about losing my pregnancy weight, but I'm just too happy to obsess about it. I used to obsess about my weight like crazy. Now, the longest I can "diet" now is half a day! And, hey, I'm 31, too! 32 in September....

I should say now, because I've given birth to two beautiful daughters and I'm thinner than I've ever been, I work out regularly and am pretty toned - but... I think I probably looked better in college. I dropped about 10-15 pounds after high school (so I was resting at about 135-ish) and I had perky boobs, and was still somewhat curvy. I had a lot more confidence then than I do now, which is odd because now I've landed the Hubby, got my kids, and no longer NEED to impress anyone. BUT - I think That's my problem. I spent a lot more time on my appearance then, and I felt more put together and confident about my look. Sure, I'm in good shape and I'm very happy being a mom. Would I be happier if I had time to shower and do my hair in the morning? There's a very distinct possibility that YES, I would be.

Taking a little time to make myself look nice makes me feel a little better about me, and unfortunately, I don't have very much of that kind of time right now. When I do have time, i have 80,000 other things that are higher on the priority list... so... there's my long answer for you. Off to go put my dirty hair in a ponytail now....

I have to agree. Motherhood has made me feel so beautiful. I guess your frame of reference changes and now I say, "I look pretty darn good for having a kid." But in terms of that sexy, look at me feeling, my early twenties was when I could really look at myself in the mirror and think, "Damn, I look goooood."

Hmmm. I think... well, I look back at pictures, and I see myself as being very pretty in my mid twenties. But, back then, I didn't see it! I thought that I was so dorky and awkward. It's strange, even though I'm 39 now, I still feel sort of like I'm right around 20-something, but more forgiving of my "flaws". I guess I'm starting to accept myself for what I was, and also for what I am.

Um

there nothin about me that me really likes.........so if yer ready this sassypants or wildone dont get into a uproar......ya both knows me to well an knows it the truth......maybe someday me will like somethin about me.......till then me will stick with what me has........

newfieswoman

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So the Fish Said...

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