Questions, questions, questions. Let's go ahead and get started, shall we?
Corinne asked: how is it that you have a smokin' ass? does that come naturally? or do you have to work at it?
This made me giggle, because Corinne has seen my smokin' ass in person on several occasions (not that she was paying it special attention though, I'm sure) and I appreciate her helping me to perpetuate this particular piece of internet lore. I used to maintain my smokin' ass by frequent trips to the gym. These days I maintain it mostly through denial. The sad truth is that my smokin' ass is just as soft and squishy as the rest of me because I make it to the gym about twice a month. The planning and organization required to leave the house for an hour without my kid is enough to sap my will to live, so instead I tend to sit on the couch and eat ice cream.
On a related topic, Quirkybook asked: What age are/were you that you felt prettiest/most attractive/most confident, and why so?
I hate this question, because it is going to force me to say something positive about my physical appearance, and yes, I am one of those women who finds doing that to be harder than walking past a pint of Ben & Jerry's without diving in.
I've mentioned before that I lost a lot of weight in college. Too poor to buy groceries + never too poor to buy cigarettes = collarbones you could use to put an eye out. I'm 5'6" and weigh about 130 - sometimes a little more, sometimes a little less, and just about exactly what I weighed when I graduated high school. By junior year of college, I weighed 105. It was not attractive. In fact, it was pretty gross. But, I got used to looking that way and I mention it just so that you will know where I am coming from when I complain about my fat thighs.
You've all seen proof that high school was not exactly a shining time of great beauty and good hair for me. College was my famine victim phase, and also not highly attractive. For a while after college I got into wearing all these ridiculous short and/or tight skirts in an effort to, I don't know... be young? Sexy? Keep up with the girls at work? Not a good look for me. Well, ok, depending what you were going for maybe it looked fine, but it didn't fit me as a person and looked pretty ridiculous. After that, I got into pleated pants. I'm sorry, please forgive me. I thought I was hiding my big butt and fat thighs.
And now? Well, now I have exactly one pair of shorts that fit me so I wear them every single day, almost always with a stained t-shirt and unbrushed hair in a ratty ponytail. Yesterday, I forgot to brush my teeth until 2 in the afternoon. (Sorry, Corinne.) I have a pot belly and a saggy butt and fat thighs and flappy arms and am covered in bruises from chasing a toddler around. And now, right now, is the prettiest/most attractive/most confident I have ever felt.
I no longer care. Not in the sense that I am going to make not brushing my teeth a habit or anything, just that I'm no longer feel like how I look has anything to do with my value as a person, and that, THAT, suddenly makes me think I'm gorgeous. I love my body because it created and carried and gave life to my daughter. I love my small, lopsided, unattractive boobs, because they fed and still feed my daughter. I figured out that all those things I always wanted to be - pretty and sexy and noticed - are things that happen in your head, not in your body, that they are more attitude than anything. I have realized that, for the first time in my life, men stop to look at me now. Not because I look good, because I usually don't, but because I am happy, I feel great, I am confident, and those are the things that are really attractive. (Ok, maybe it's because I sometimes forget to actually put a shirt on before going out in public. True story.)
It isn't really that I feel "prettiest/most attractive/most confident" right now, but that I feel those things for the first time. It only took 31 years.
Ok, that's enough affirmation bullshit and personal fucking growth for me. Your turn - answer Quirkybook's question. It'll make you feel good.