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Do you miss me?

All is well here in stayhomevacationland, except that it is supposed to rain buckets for the next two days. Actually, that might be good so that we can get a break from our activities. Yesterday we went to the zoo and then I realized that my front garden was bringing down property values for the entire neighborhood, so I went out and pulled weeds. By the time I was done I had yanked out the entire front yard by hand, so this morning I am off to get grass seed and a massage.

While you are waiting patiently for me to return to my regularly-scheduled blogging, you can lend your brilliance and expertise to a major problem I will be facing in the next few weeks. In fact, anyone who can solve this one should immediately get to work on world peace, as I believe the issues are equally intractable. (For those of you who like to accuse me of being too bookish - as if that were a bad thing - that means "difficult to manage or govern.")

Here's the deal: Wedding. 4:30 wedding. 4:30 garden wedding. On October 7th, in Washington DC, so it could be 80 degrees or 40 degrees or anywhere in between. Keeping in mind that I have no boobs and a formidable (albeit smokin') ass, what the almighty hell do I wear? Discuss.

Comments (36)

Wear a nice sleeveless dress that hugs your smokin ass and take a matching shawl. Make sure the shawl is heavy enough for the 40 degree. If it's 80 degree just keep it draped over one arm.

Yes, missed you terribly. It's been rough around here without you. :)

Of course we miss you... I'm guessing fancy pants suit is out of the question? Then dress with shrug or something like that....

Miss you dreadfully, Beth!
Okay, here is the deal. Get a dress with no sleeves but an adorable "warm" jacket. Get a dress that hugs your adorable "smoking" ass and comfortable, yet adorable shoes and go for it! The bride will be jealous!

Hmmmmmmm- October Garden Party Wedding?? Who's idea was THAT??
my suggestion...

Oh and welcome back :)

Wear a spaghetti strap dress, knee length or full length. Keep it a light enough colour so that if it's warm the sun won't bake you, but if it's cool, the length will protect your legs. Bring a shall or even a cute shrug to go over the arms. Wear your hair partially up so that if it's windy it won't get all ruined and blown around. Oh and take lots of pictures of the wedding and yourself and chris dressed for the occassion. We'll all want to see!!

Yeah, Coldwater Creek does have some nice items for that situation...although not cheap. :)

Intractable. Keeping in mind that I work in the medical field, the only time we use that term is when to call us...if you have 'intractable vomiting'. Bet that wasn't the use you were thinking...

Jodie's suggestion ... perfect.

I do miss you. Hope you are enjoying your vacation.

I am not going to make a suggestion for the wedding because I suck at that stuff. I always wait to the last minute to figure out what I am wearing and it usually looks like I waited to the very last minute so, I will spare you that.

A pretty flowy dress which is knee length will be perfect. Preferrably spaghetti strapped. It wont be too cold. If you want, carry a dressy shawl for the possible 40.
And I've missed you so much! Checking your site twice a day hoping that maybe you have posted.

Dark colored sun dress with a shawl or sweater in case it is cold, avoid high pointy heels b/c they get stuck in the grass, but a wedge should be fine.

Will you enlighten us why youy vacation became a stay home vacation? I'm pretty sure you guys had planned to go away.

So I guess a "I'm just here for the beer" t-shirt and sweat pants (over short shorts, in case it gets hot) aren't appropriate?


Add a black or chocolate pashmina-y wrap and some kicky heels. And tell Chris to get ya something sparkly.

Knock your socks off.

My general outfits for variable weather times is a short sleeved/sleeveless sheath dress with a shrug or cardigan (can be tied/draped over the shoulders when removed) OR flowy below-knee dress (again, sleeveless or short sleeved) with coordinating jacket/cardigan. In fact, I probably have something I could loan you!

There are a lot of those type of outfits at Dress Barn, Macy's and JCPenney for a small price (since they are clearing out to make room for the fall and winter stuff).

What to wear. First color. fall colors. Stay away from red tones and black. That shoudl leave yellow or brownish

Second. Make sure it's sleeveless but has a matching sweater. This should cover you for the 80 degrees as well as the dip down lower for which you will need a coat anyway. Get a skirt to match. Make sure it's at least knee length, but VERY fitted around your "smokin ass". The sweater will minimize or mazimize your boobs we are all so fond of talking about and BTW - you didn't make it 3 months on the boob talk.

You'll look stunning whatever you pick.


Hey, I had that same realization about my front garden when I came back from walking the dog this morning! Guess what went on my weekend list?

As for the wedding, I love the dress/shawl idea. Or a dress with a little sweater. Layers are the only way to prepare for DC in the fall.

Well you have got some great suggestions here, you don't need me. :) I was just gonna say "Layers, lots of layers" anyway. And really, I don't think I'll be solving world peace with layers.

don't wear anything green because people will just mistake you for a topiary. a strappy, knee-length sundress would be perfect, and all you need as an accessory is a hat with the most ridiculously wide brim ever created.

then after the ceremony make a note to never speak to these people again. they're obviously insane and are wishing freckles/sunburn/skin cancer on you and your family!

It's a little on the ugly side on the mannequin, but it would be smashing on you.

What about a very nice skirt, sexy shirt combo. BUT (and here's the catch) the skirt must be able to match a sexy pair of heels AND a sexy pair of high boots to stay in the running....

I would get a dressy suit (like, not too officey, something with a little flounce to it), and then you can wear a silky shirt with it and take the jacket off if it's way hot out.

I miss you!

As far as the clothes issue, I have no advice because if I were in your position, I'd just say screw it! I'm not going. Clearly not a very adult option.

I agree with Red - I always fall back on a sleeveless dress and a pashmina shawl. Good luck in your search!

I'm with red. Shawl and smokin dress seem like the best idea.

Hey, why is your husband now calling you Sparky?

I absolutely died when I saw this one. And you were the one and only person who came to mind :

It is beautiful and your boobs will be flattered by this fit as well as your hot a$$ will look great! Do tell me what you thought of this one!

Where the usual black dress -- bring nylons, of course. And, bring a shawl or pashmina to where in case it gets chilly. I'm sure they'll just be having the wedding outside. They can't be having the whole thing outside all night -- that's be ridiculous....

Apparently I don't know how to spell "wear"....

your mom told us you are on a big red boat

Shirtdress. Everything can be solved with a shirtdress. It's my standard "no idea how formal/informal or warm/cold this gig is going to be." Excellent for those of us with flat chests, as we don't cause the buttons up the front to strain and threaten to pop. Can be dressed up or down with shoes and necklaces, and you can throw a jacket on over it if you need extra warmth.

Hi Beth,

I also share your body type (though my ass is not smokin' but sizzlin') and shared the predicament last year for a wedding scheduled in October. I don't know what 40 and 80 degrees mean, hey I'm from Canada, I was raised metric. But in the national capital that could have meant hot or chilly.

I bought a dress that was knee length and very fitted with a nice little change in pattern and styling around the bust giving me the cleavage I had been waiting all my life to have. I'm sure we're the same size. I'll mail it to you. You'll have to contact my friend to borrow the shall. Oh yeah, it is brown and burgandy and has spaghetti straps.

The last wedding I went to was in the fall as well, with the same weather uncertainties to face. I went for a sleeveless, black, ankle-length dress. It was cut right to hug the curves without making me look too hippy. I bought my boobs at Vicky's, as usual. I had a shawl, too, but since it turned out to be 90 that day, it stayed home.

I live in Michigan. It sometimes snows on Halloween in addition to Mother's Day.

Had a fall wedding two years ago. Totally stymied as to what to wear (or not what to wear, as I am a BBC fan and Stacey and whathisname here in the US are awful.)

Couldn't afford a totally new outfit.

Ended up wearing a recycled Christmas party dress: sleeveless black stretch velvet, mid calf length, clingy but did not accenuate my child bearing hips. (Good thing as the child I gave birth to was 12 at the time and the adopted child wouldn't serve as an excuse.)

Since it is Michigan and snow is always a possibility, I searched the closet for something to throw over it. I came up with a deep blood burgandy velvet shirt (also recycled from a Christmas gig) that had a bit of a gathered peplum wait (to hide the child bearing hips) and deep cut with velvet roses as buttons.

I spent $3.99 for control top pantyhose and wore a kicking pair of Stuart Weitzman heels (from the consignment shop, $12.99 brand new, thankyouverymuch) and alhtough it was hot at the wedding, it was freezing by the reception in the evening and I got so many compliments.

Oh and pearls. You can never go wrong with accessorizing with pearls.

My husband, numb nuts that he is, was all freaked. "HOW MUCH DID YOU SPEND?!? I DON'T EVEN LIKE HIM THAT MUCH AND YOU SPENT HOW MUCH FOR THIS OUTFIT!"

I could send it to you? I am 5'9 and about 130 YES I EAT A LOT DAMMIT.

I miss college where you could always cobble together an outfit from various dormmates and friends.

What size are you? I can loan you my short-sleeved LBD (little black dress) with the red boucle jacket (They look fab together)

Have you sloved the problem yet? How close are you to the people getting married? May I suggest a lovely pair of dress slacks, a srapless top (no, you don't need boobs for this) and a wrap. Throw in a smokin hot pair of heels (closed toe, it's after Labor Day for goodness sakes!) and a rockin necklace. Or a rockin chunky bracelet, but not both the necklace and bracelet (unless the garden wedding happens to be located in some distric where there is an abundance of red lights).

And a clutch.

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So the Fish Said...

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