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My husband is an insensitive asshole*

Last night, while folding sheets, Chris was faced with the choice of grabbing a pillowcase or a fitted sheet. He took the pillowcase.

Me: You took that so you wouldn't have to fold the fitted sheet, didn't you?
Him: Yup. I hate folding fitted sheets.
Me: That reminds me of the meanest thing you ever said to me.
Him: What was that?
Me: I said it had taken me 25 years to learn to fold a fitted sheet, and you said "I think that's at least 24 years too many."
Him: That's the meanest thing I ever said to you?
Me: Well, it was the way you said it. You said it really mean.
Him: Still, that was the worst?
Me: Ok, no, but it's the one that I now think is funny. There are plenty of meaner things you have said that still make me want to cry.
Him: Like what?
Me: If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you.
Him: Fine, how about the meanest thing you ever said to me?
Me: "I want a divorce"?
Him: When did you say that?
Me: Maybe I just thought it.
Him: When?
Me: I dunno - probably some night when you were snoring.
Him: Try again.
Me: "I don't give a damn about Ozzy Osbourne"?
Him: Yeah, that was probably it.

* And he suggested the title for this post.

Comments (40)

HA!!!!

That is hilarious. And the movie of Mia just started, so I have to go now and watch it again.

That fitted sheet thing was mean. Seriously, come on. Fitted sheet folding can be very important to some people. How cruel of him to mock you.

He helps you fold things?!? Jealous.

Chris helps you fold things, and you are complaining?

Wait, your husband folds clothes? or linens that aren't his own? Last night my own husband told me to CEASE doing his laundry. I'm still mystified, but I'm all about submitting to his wishes, so there you go. Maybe now I'll be able to focus on my own! (Laundry, that is.)

This post rocks. And the Mia video, well, there are no words. Please don't be surprised if you hear that I've combusted from the cuteness.

Every time I'm faced with a fitted sheet, I break out into a cold sweat, although I do give the folding thing the old college try. I'm always unsuccessful. I guess this means I'm in year 31 of learning how to fold one.

How dare you say something like that about Ozzy?

I am still mystified as to how to fold a fitted sheet! I must know your secret.

If the worst thing you ever said to him was, "I don't give a damn about Ozzy Osbourne", you are a saint of a wife.

I still can't fold a fitted sheet right. Stupid ass sheets.

I STILL don't know how to fold a fitted sheet. Or maybe it's that I don't care. And I care even less since my husband approached me with what he said was an "interesting article" he'd read about how to fold a fitted sheet. He seemed to be suggesting that I could learn a thing or two from this article. I looked deeply into his eyes as I folded the fitted sheet the way I always fold it: by wadding it into a roll.

As I read this entry, the thought that passed through my mind was, to quote, "Ha. I love your husband." Weirdest comment ever, no? ;-)

I paid $6k to learn how to fold a fitted sheet. I tell, it was the best money I ever spent.

I should blog how. People would love it.

I have absolutely no clue how to fold a fitted sheet. I just wad it up and put it in the closet! Tell Chris to quit being mean to you.

I refuse to fold fitted sheets. I just wad them up and put them on the bottom of the pile.

My husband once told me I had "man chub." If you're not familiar with that phrase, it apparently means that I store all my fat around my waste like a man, instead of in my hips, thighs, etc. like most women.

Guess who didn't get laid that night?

PS...I don't know if you're aware of this or not but there's something funky going on with your sidebar in the individual posts. It only extends as far as the content area, then the rest of it is shoved over to the left under the content area. Just an FYI :)

Also, happy working in Firefox now :-)

You deserve whatever you get for forsaking Ozzy.

Is there a correct way to fold a fitted sheet? Damn it ~ then I know I've been doing it wrong my whole life.

When my husband and I were dating I told him I was going to send him to a school where he would learn what and what not to say to me...this was after he made the comment that I was "jigglely"...I don't know if that's even a word, but I didn't like being referred to as something that jiggles. He's never made that mistake again! :)

Hehehe...so cute!

Dude, what is it with men and fitted sheets? Seriously. The meester just rolls them up into a ball and jams it in the closet.

he folds...the pillow case? Kay, that doesn't even count as folding....

You too are hilarious! Loving this conv. ;) Sounds a little familiar....

I hate folding fitted sheets; great on the bed, nightmare at laundry time.

(Oh, and I fixed my email address here; the underscores are needed in the ewe_are_here yahoo address.... Sorry.)

You mean there are people who don't wash the sheets and put them back on the bed?

I taught my husband that folding fitted sheets is a two people job. Togetherness.

I actally like folding fitted sheets, because as it turn out, I'm a fitted sheet savant. I'm really good at it. However, I will pay money to never have to match socks up. HATE.

Most couple argue over Money, kids and fitted sheets.

OK, I will pay someone to come frickin' teach me how to fold a fitted sheet. A few years back, I even did a search on the internet and still couldn't master it. I need some hands on instruction. I hate putting wrinkly sheets on the bed, but since I can't fold my fitted ones nicely, the bottom sheet always looks like, well, exactly what happened - I wadded it up in a ball and put it away. I have even been forced to iron fitted sheets for guests because of my lack of folding ability. Any tips? Is there an instructional video I can watch?

you can fold fitted sheets?!?!?! are you willing to set up a workshop for the fitted sheet challenged?

I too am of the wad-it-up-into-a-ball school. And I'm okay with this.

I solve the "folding the fitted sheet" problem by a neat little trick called "we own one set of sheets"- as soon as they come out of the dryer, back on the bed they go! Sigh.

Wow! You can fold fitted sheets? I'm very impressed. I don't even bother...

He helps fold things? Seriously, where did you find him and does he have a brother? Meaness aside, I'd rather have an insensitive asshole of a husband that folds stuff than an insensitive asshole of a husband that does nothing but hold down a chair and a laptop. But I'm not bitter.

Um, I still don't know how to fold fitted sheets. I am sure that if John ever actually helped me fold laundry, he would duck out of folding the fitted sheets too. As it is, when he does laundry, he stores it all on the floor of the spare bedroom in a pile. and then the dog sleeps in the clothes and they aren't clean anymore. So you are clearly several steps ahead of me!

You know how to fold a fitted sheet?!

OMGSH.

You're my new hero. (What? You didn't know I was looking for a hero?)

The fact you are folding clean anything, much less FITTED SHEETS, BY GOD, means you're doing 10x more than we do in the Glamore house.

But I bet you already knew that.

Forget the "D" word...

Just don't disparage Ozzy.

You guys are SO FUNNY! I just love it. And I missed the Mia video yesterday and had the pleasure today. I tell ya, I am having a rough time of it right now but that just makes it all go away. I think that was sweeter than Halloween candy!

Ha! Something tells me the tables will turn in the future and you will be appreciated for folding those sheets!

I watched Martha Stewart fold a fitted sheet on her show one time years ago, and I studied her intently because fitted sheets were a source of great frustration in my life. I think I remember how to fold it the way she said to, but it still kind of ends up in a wad.

I love that you post conversations you and Chris have - you two crack me up!

Whew.

With comments like that, over sheet folding, I think councelling is in order.

I wonder what you guys do for fun.

:)

You know, instead of folding sheets, you could be like us and just wash them and immediately put them back on and avoid that whole ugly process altogether. Of course then you have to kind of feel like a loser with only one set of sheets. No one has to know though, right? Except for the whole internet, I mean.

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