Fine, fine, but I am only doing this to shut you people up. I mean honestly, I tell you this sad, sad tale about how I was repeatedly humiliated in public and your primary response is "yo, show us your ass!" It makes me sad, really it does. But fine, you ask, you get.
First of all, for everyone who wondered how I could put these jeans on without noticing the two large holes in the buttal region, here are the jeans.
They look fine, right? You would wear these jeans yourself. If, that is, you were still wearing your second trimester fat pants fifteen months after the birth of your child. Shut up. Yes, I know that beltloop is coming off, but with a belt you don't notice at all, so it doesn't even count as one of the holes.
The rest of the pictures are going below the fold, click at your own risk. I have to warn you that these are not safe for work.
If, that is, you work with people who are offended by stuffed ducks. Everyone who thought even for a second that I was posting pictures of my ass on the internet gets detention. You have to stay behind when this entry is over and wash the chalkboards.
This is Big Duck. (And I am working very hard to type his name correctly each and every time.) Big Duck's job is to get Mia to look up in the shower so I can rinse out her shampoo without getting soap in her eyes and causing a scream of such amplitude that it has been known to melt flesh. However, Big Duck has recently decided to branch out and embark on a second career as in international jeans model.
Big Duck was a little reluctant to participate in this photo shoot, but I told him that if he ever hopes to make it as a model he's going to have to be willing to show some skin. Or, um, fluff. He agreed, but please be sensitive to his feelings as you consider any comments you might wish to make.
Without further ado, I present Hole in the Jeans #1: Embarassing but not the End of the World.
And then, Hole in the Jeans #2: Somebody Just Shoot me Now.