Mia and I went to the toddler play area at a local mall today, and this really old guy was totally hitting on me. He was at least 70, there with what I hope were his grandsons, and spent at least half an hour following me around talking to me, asking me questions, and telling me I was pretty. At first, I thought he was just being friendly, but then it became a little too friendly, and not in a good way. I finally just got Mia and left.
Later this afternoon as we were walking to the playground, a man from my neighborhood stopped to talk to me, and it was the same thing. Too nice, too friendly, too creepy for me and I got away as soon as I could. I started thinking I must be putting out some crazy pheromones today and made a mental note to make Chris sleep on the couch so I didn't end up pregnant or anything.
Then, as I was making dinner, Chris noticed something that explained a lot about my day. My jeans, my jeans that a wear a lot, my jeans that I had been wearing all day with a thong (which I mention only because it is important to the story, I assure you), my jeans have two large holes in the ass. I've been flashing the suburbs for who knows how long.
I told you I'm hot.
Comments (43)
LOL! That is hilarious! And major props to you for wearing a thong. I wish I could tolerate them, but I just can't. :-(
Posted by Hannah | November 2, 2006 6:41 PM
Nice! So where are the pictures?
Posted by heels | November 2, 2006 6:44 PM
That's too funny!
Posted by anne nahm | November 2, 2006 7:16 PM
Hot doesn't it cover it, yo. Maybe Hott would, but even that doesn't quite do it.
And having Chris sleep on the couch sounds like an excellent form of birth control. Although it could get old pretty fast. Especially for Chris.
Posted by Elaine | November 2, 2006 7:25 PM
I'm trying very hard not to laugh because I believe in Karma.
Posted by Contrary | November 2, 2006 8:29 PM
It must be way warmer in your neck of the woods than in ours - guarantee you, with our 30 degree weather, I'd have felt that draft on my butt!
(I don't know if I'd have made it out the door with hole-y jeans though, as my four year old would have pointed it out to me. Her comment about thongs are typically, "Uh mom? Your underpants are too small for your butt." I'm sure she'd have said, "I see your butt!" When Mia gets older, you'll never have to worry about flashing anyone...)
Posted by Sarah | November 2, 2006 9:03 PM
Thongs for the mental image!
Posted by ben | November 2, 2006 9:22 PM
That's so funny! I swear Ive done way more embarassing things. Hear me, karma?
Now you may want to save those to take Mia to the pediatrician - if McHottie hits on you it wouldnt be that bad.
Posted by That Girl | November 2, 2006 10:08 PM
hot...AND classy!
Posted by ali | November 2, 2006 10:15 PM
No WAY! That's brutal....In any case, at least you can say to yourself (my favourite phrase): "stiiiillll got it!" ;)
Posted by haley-o | November 2, 2006 10:48 PM
Well now that's just plain hysterical. And it does explain a lot. It explains with absolute certainty what men think with. There you go. You were scientifical & didn't even know it.
I don't think I could bear to wear a thong, even if it were for science. You go, you hott mama, you.
Posted by sweethomealagirl | November 2, 2006 10:58 PM
Yeah...My grandpa would have been all over your hot exposed ass. That was probably him at the mall.
Posted by Stephanie | November 2, 2006 10:59 PM
Thanks for making me laugh! No one has ever made a pass at me at the play area. Maybe I need to cut some holes in my jeans. :)
Posted by Inga | November 2, 2006 11:08 PM
Yeah baby...you are super hot!
Posted by Kate | November 2, 2006 11:10 PM
OMG-- how big were those holes exactly?
I think you should probably still make Chris sleep on the couch.
Posted by jen | November 2, 2006 11:23 PM
See? Holes in your pants or not, this story just proves that men (total strangers!!) can be so self-involved that they can convince themselves you wore the pants with the holes JUST FOR THEM!! OH. MY. GOD.
Posted by wordgirl | November 2, 2006 11:27 PM
Pictures? C'mon already, where are the pics? And yes, you are HOT. Thong or no thong (eeww now like no thong at all, but even like granny panties you'd be hot...ummm I think its time I shut up!!!)
Posted by Dee | November 2, 2006 11:47 PM
Man, if I had a dime for every time that exact same thing happened to me...
Posted by Rick | November 3, 2006 12:54 AM
Oh honey. That's brutal. I love how you go from nipples to your ass hanging out. So hawt. ;-)
Posted by Heather | November 3, 2006 3:35 AM
Yes, leave it to the skeezy guys to think you wore the jeans just for them, despite your mommy focus on your toddler-in-tow and other little people.
Too funny.
Posted by ewe_are_here | November 3, 2006 3:40 AM
That is too funny...especially the old man...I'll bet he really enjoyed the show!
Posted by Nanette | November 3, 2006 3:44 AM
Oh.....
this is why. Seriously.
http://stapeliad.blogspot.com/2006/11/its-dont-get-dressed-day.html
Posted by jessica | November 3, 2006 5:47 AM
LOL! Gotta watch you every second! LOL,LOL!!!!
Posted by Maribeth | November 3, 2006 6:01 AM
Dude, if you'd been at our playground, you coulda picked up a professional athlete... an NFL ALL-STAR (or so he self-proclaimed).
But seriously... it's gotta be something in the air, because it can't be the holes in your jeans... I've got no holes, and I've got men (creepy men) coming up to me all the live long day.
Posted by Corinne | November 3, 2006 7:17 AM
As I said earlier, your ass is just so smokin' hot the pants couldn't contain the hotness.
Posted by Chris (Your Husband) | November 3, 2006 7:34 AM
Having a hard time understanding how you didn't know your jeans have holes?
You put them on, right? With your eyes open, right? In the daytime, right?
Oh, and GO THONGS!
Posted by s@bd | November 3, 2006 7:56 AM
Well you know what they say, if you've got it, flaunt it!
Work it girl!!!!
Posted by Wicked H | November 3, 2006 8:13 AM
Moms that wear thongs are my heroes.
Or maybe they just boggle my mind. Haven't decided.
Posted by Sabrina | November 3, 2006 8:27 AM
That is so hilarious!!!!!! I thought you were just kidding about your smokin ass, but I guess not!!!!! LOL!
Posted by linda | November 3, 2006 9:11 AM
Chris has it right. The smokin' ass burned a hole through the pants! Hahaha!
Posted by Melissa | November 3, 2006 9:13 AM
This is too funny! I guess if you are ever needing a "pick-me-up" you can just slip into those jeans and take a walk around the block. LOL :)
Posted by Michelle | November 3, 2006 9:45 AM
well, you always have said you have a smokin' ass. Now you've proved it to everyone.
Posted by suze | November 3, 2006 9:47 AM
Creepy dirty old men!! Why in the heck are they hitting on a young pretty lady like you? Why aren't they hittin on me instead? LOL BTW you can tell Chris that I think his dad is a hottie with his blue eyes goin on and all.
Thongs? Doesn't it feel like you have panties stuck up the crack up your butt all day? That would drive me mad!
Hugs,
Trish
Posted by Trish Vicory | November 3, 2006 9:53 AM
Hee (sorry). At least we do have empirical proof of the smokin'ness of your ass, now!
Posted by Kate the Shrew | November 3, 2006 10:18 AM
HAHAHAHAHA. But at least you stayed cool.
Posted by statia | November 3, 2006 10:20 AM
You and that smokin' ass!
Of course, I still blame it all on the fact that 99.9% of men are absolute pigs. :D
Posted by Sparkle Pants | November 3, 2006 10:40 AM
okay enough about your ass. Arent there any cute halloween pictures of your adorable baby!!!
Just kidding I know your ass is probably cute like you. Im jealous!!!!
Posted by angela | November 3, 2006 10:51 AM
That is awesome. You and my wife could hang out at some dorky girls club where you reveal super embarassing things you've done involving clothing or miscommunications.
I can't believe you didn't feel the cold air on your ass cheeks!
Posted by Brad | November 3, 2006 11:18 AM
HILARIOUS!!!
Posted by Chatty Cricket | November 3, 2006 11:44 AM
Classy, baby, totally classy. Mia must be so proud!
Posted by Shelly | November 3, 2006 11:49 AM
That's hysterical. And also slightly horrifying. Do you think they thought you did it on purpose? Would somebody do that on purpose?
Posted by bad penguin | November 3, 2006 12:57 PM
You keep telling us your ass is smokin'. It must be true.
Posted by Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah | November 3, 2006 1:29 PM
is this the ass equivalent to walking around with your fly unzipped?
Posted by nikki | November 4, 2006 8:59 PM