Holy crapping fuck, people! Thanksgiving is one week from today. One week. I was so not prepared for that. Is it usually later? I feel like it is usually later. Mia needs a dress and tights and shoes and to stop with the goddamned biting already, and I need to scour my closet for elastic waistbands.
People, it's getting severe around here. Is the week between your birthday and Thanksgiving the worst possible time to decide you have to lose five pounds (or eight, or maybe ten) so you can possibly stand to look at yourself or what? And don't even give me crap because the only other time I have been this fat I had an entire (albeit miniature) person inside me. In fact, I think my stomach was smaller at the end of the first trimester than it is right now.
I think I'm going to have to go on a diet, which I have never done in my entire life. (Yeah, fuck you too, you probably have good hair or know how to dress yourself or don't end up looking like a raccoon every damned time you try to wear eye-makeup, so we've all got something, you know?) My usual approach to being too fat to wear pants was to just keep eating whatever I wanted and pound it a little harder on the treadmill for a while, but these days I am lucky to get it together enough to go to the gym once a month so that just isn't happening. Anyway, I'm thinking I need an actual diet to follow, because I am pretty good at following instructions but not so good at that, what's it called...., oh, willpower. Whatever. Anybody have a suggestion, keeping in mind that I'm a vegetarian so most things won't work for me?
(For those of you keeping score at home, you can now check "mommyblogger bitching about how fat she is and how she really needs to go on a diet but we all know as soon as she finishes this she's going downstairs for another piece of birthday cake" off the list, I've now done it. Fuck me.)
Wow, I had no idea I was in this bad of a mood. Why don't you cheer me up by telling me what you're doing for Thanksgiving (one week from today!)? Especially if you're spending it with your amusingly dysfunctional family, because everybody always loves to hear about that.