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Just throwing it out there

Chris and I are going to dinner tomorrow for my (29th) birthday, which is lovely. Mia will be attended for the evening by all four grandparents, which is also lovely. What is not lovely is that knowing people will be hanging out here tomorrow means I am compelled to clean my entire house today. Obviously, I mean that I am compelled by my own formidable neurosis, not by some jack-booted thug standing over me with a crowbar telling me I had better sweep under the stove if I know what's good for me.

The truth is that, short of actual squalor, the grands don't give a damn what my house looks like, so long as I get out of the way and allow them full fawning access to their only grandchild. I had even decided that I wasn't going to do it. I was determined to spend Mia's single and fleeting daily nap sitting on my ever-expanding ass and reading a book or some blogs or picking my nose or anything other than cleaning. (As an aside, and I know I have asked this before, but I am going to continue to do so until I receive a satisfactory answer, why in the hell did you people allow me to buy a house with four bathrooms? Why? Do you hate me?)

Needless to say, that sit on my ass thing didn't work out. I did have to take a break from what can only be accurately described as a cleaning frenzy to find out (and asking you people is really the only way I find anything out these days) whether I am the only pitiful freakazoid who has to do every last bit of laundry before having people over. Am I? Yeah, I figured.

I'm not cleaning the fucking bathtubs. Anybody who takes a bath while babysitting gets what they deserve.

Comments (59)

oh yeah. laundry done, bath tubs (!) cleaned...the whole deal. I'm a total freakazoid before my folks visit. And when my MIL DROPS IN. egads. I want to shoot myself.

I'm having 8 over for Thanksgiving next week and this weekend's plans include cleaning, scrubbing, dusting, laundry, washing, and vacuuming. Also being quiet while my husband watches the U of M/OSU game. But then it's back to cleaning.

So that's my long way of saying, no, you're not the only one.

I really prefer people to not come over at all. Solves the having to clean problem.

BTW, I'd be more than happy to relieve you of one of your bathrooms. One is simply not enough.

You are SOOOOOOOOOOOO normal. It's just this thing, It's like I can't just tidy, I have to SCRUB. And then I get all freak ass on Jer if even dares leave one droplet of water on the counter after washing his hands.... sometimes just sometimes I wish men could have the same little keep it clean chip!

I feel compelled not to look like I let my child play in flilth - bathrooms are always my first clean-up job as well as the kitchen. I also have a compulsion to throw out the food in my fridge that might have been there a little too long. Not that I EVER leave anything in there longer than is acceptable, but just saying. (Not to give you an extra clean up job, but did you check the fridge?)

and I thought I was the only person who still used the clinical term: freakazoid.

hehehe... um, I'm totally doing that today too. Our friends called and they were coming to dinner tomorrow, but THEIR friends called them and were like, SURPRISE!!! We're coming to see you from Canada!!! So, we rescheduled for tonight, and my house was a war zone, complete with the largest pile of laundry EVER accumilated in our house. Shepherd gazed upon it's glory this morning, and quickly decided to summit, and stood at the top, and marked his spot on the mountain... and in lieu of a flag... he left us a nice little turdlet present, undiscovered until 30 minutes ago, while loading laundry. Ew is right. so hang in there, you're not the only one...

We are having a birhtday party tomorrw for my daughter. We are having the ENTIRE family over. You better believe I will be on hands and knees mopping the kitchen floor only to have feet walk all over it tomorrow.

yeah, we do that. I even cleaned the oven once. THE OVEN.

I just learned that four more people are coming for Turkey day! Eeeek! And they aren't related so I now have to clean!
Hubby insisted we put in three bathrooms when we built our house. Now we are retired, our kids have grown and gone, and the dogs sure as heck don't need them. Why three? Resale!
Have a wonderful dinner, Sweetie and enjoy the time alone with Chris. You deserve it!
(Especially after washing all those bathrooms!)

I agree, hide your vibrators and porn and forget the cleaning.

~Jef

I totally do this too, and when I implore John to help out he always chooses to do something totally irrelevant like reorganize the books on the shelves alphabetically. Couldn't he just wipe down some counters or something?

I feel compelled to *look* like I've done all my laundry. I'm safe as long as noone goes into our bedroom, which becomes a labyrinth of hampers.

We only ("only") have three bathrooms; I don't think all of them have been completely clean at the same time since we moved in. I tend to do all the toilets one week, all the tubs the next week, etc.

I also have to vacuum, which is normal, but (and here you might feel better about your neuroses) it can't *look* as if I've just vacuumed, so I try to do it early enough that any vacuum tracks get scuffed out. Otherwise, they'll *know* that it was covered in Cheerios before and I've just cleaned it (as if they don't know that anyway!)

I have to have a clean house if someone is coming over. Even if it's my friend that is less than clean at her house. I know how I can feel in a messy home (I don't hold it against my friends at all, I'm happy to be in their company and that's all that really matters) and I don't want anyone to feel like that in my own home because it makes me worry that they will somehow think less of me.

Enjoy your night out. At least your house will now be clean for Thanksgiving! ;)

you have four bathrooms?? Just how big is your house? I thought my house was really really big, but we only have 2.5.

We have six people (soon to be seven) and one (1) bathroom. Now I am feeling bathroom envy.

I completely freaked when I found out yesterday that my out of town cousin was dropping by and would be there before I got home from work. Fortunately, they got delayed and I was able to do a quick run through before they arrived. Laundry doesn't bother me so much because it hides in the basement, but the rest of the house needs to be spotless for visitors.

Have fun on your night out!

Oh, yes. Laundry, sanitization of EVERYTHING. I even clean inside the microwave when we have guests. Because, you know. Someone might want to microwave something and I wouldn't want them to have to use a messy microwave. They might think I'm GROSS.


Do you not have laundry baskets?

Clean one bathroom and put Under Construction signs on the other three.

Just echoing everyone else. You are not alone. When we lived closer to friends we would have them over for dinner about once a week, just for the incentive to clean the house.

We have three bathrooms. Four once we finish the basement. I don't know why.

When my parents come to visit from 2200miles away, I make a HUGE effort to clean for them.

My other neurosis is to have my house spotless before I go on vacation. So not only do I have my packing neurosis, I have to clean everything up too.

Imagine how FREAKED right the hell out I'm going to be after Christmas, when not only do I have to put all the Christmas stuff away, I have to clean up and pack for FIVE people to go to Mexico for TWO WEEKS on Dec29!!

I'm getting palpitations just thinking about it.

When I was single, the only time I ever really cleaned my apartment was when a handsome man was coming over. Now that I'm married, I don't see the point.

My place is worse, I promise.

You can do all 4 bathrooms (4 bathrooms??! You all must pee a lot) in under 2 minutes: get a bottle of bleach and pour some in all the toilet bowls. That way, you dont have to do any work and everything automatically smells clean. Windex the mirrors and counters and you're done.

Um, yeah, I don't invite people over. Because my apartment is a giant hairball. Clearly, I prefer hermitdom to not being a damn slob.

Um, yeah, you're definitely not the only one that spins into crazy cleaning mode whenever you're having people over. I on the other hand feel like I am constantly living in crazy cleaning mode because...sit down for this one now: my husbands parents live NEXT DOOR! Yep. So I don't feel sorry for you and your 4 bathrooms.

Actually, I take that back, I do feel sorry for you and the 4 bathrooms. I HATE cleaning bathrooms. Luckily we only have 2, but we have 4 bedrooms and really? What were we thinking? That means people think they can come stay with us all the time.

Have fun at the birthday dinner!

If not for all these other commenters who are trying to make you feel better about this problem of yours, I would tell you the truth, which is that NO ONE CLEANS BEFORE PEOPLE COME OVER. NO ONE. It's all a big lie perpetuated by the mainstream media, S.C. Johnson Wax, and the companies that make OCD meds.

Happy birthday dinner day!

Hi, my name is Wicked H and I am a pitiful freakazoid.

Nice to meet you......

Um, which way to the 12 step meeting?

Girl you're a loon but I love ya. I pick up and maybe, maybe sweep (we have hardwood floors) but no laundry or bathroom cleaning needs to be done, especially for grandparents. They won't notice, all they will see is the cuteness that is Mia Bean.

have a great evening.

All four babysitting at the same time. Your parents and the inlaws? Shocking!

I'm showing this post to my husband, he thinks I'm the only one.

Speaking as a person who's had to keep her house spotless for four months because it was on the market, you need to put two of those bathrooms on lockdown. I wouldn't even let Hoop touch the doornob of our main one. Superglue the damn doors shut if you have to. Put up a "Broken" sign. Four bathrooms. Geesh. That's a nightmare!

Happy Birthday Beth! Enjoy your "date" with Chris as you celebrate. The diet? My suggestion is to wait till January 2 and just enjoy the holidays.

HA! I totally identify. I do laundry every single ever-lovin' day. Why? WHY?! STOP WITH THE LAUNDRY ALREADY! Ugh. I wish I could just back off the housework. It wouldn't matter anyhow; my house is still sinking under the weight of MESS.

Fuck the bathtubs. In fact, fuck cleaning. There's always something better to do.

And yes, we, too, live in squalor.

i am EXACTLY like you.
i panic when people are coming over, even people who don't give a rat's ass what my house looks like.

i want people to think it looks perfect. all the time.

where are you goin' where are you goin' where are you goin?????

i wish i had grandparents in the area or i would be going out tomorrow night too. just my luck, our sitter is busy. pout.

we were going to dine at the sweetwater and take in better than fiction, or borat. now, i must just live vicariously through you. alas!

Hahaha, I love the last two sentences.

Damn, four bathrooms, each with a tub? That's one for each of you and then one for Mia to keep a goldfish in!

Yep, you've described my pre-company cleaning frenzies exactly. Somehow, along the way I always find something that HAS to be done even though my company will never see it. Whether its the closet that needs to be tidied up or the baseboards that need vacuumed, I'll find it. My husband laughs when I even change the sheets on my bed. Silly guy, doesn't he realize that old sheets have a slight odor and you want your house smelling laundry-day fresh?

Yeah, I think you're normal. I would totally be scrubbing down the entire house, especially if it were my parents and in-laws, the only people in the world that would possibly notice if my house was actually clean or not - I don't know if it's the same for you...

I clean the refrigerator inside and out.

And the microwave.

Oh, and the burners on the stove.

Apparently I am the freakazoid because I just take all the laundry in throw it in the closet.

Any attempt I make to clean before the in-laws comes over makes no difference. We come home to a mostly happy baby and a fairly spotless kitchen which stresses me out. I hate when people clean my house for me (unless I'm paying for them to do so).

Are you actually using all four bathrooms? Can't you put up some hazard tape or something and keep yourselves down to two? I don't clean up too much and then I hope they will take pity on me and offer to help. Plus, they all know I don't dust. Keep their expectations low is my advice.

I can so relate. It's a sickness I tell you, a sickness. Hope you have a Very Happy Birthday.

PS: And as a grandparent you are so totally right about the 4 sets of eyes not looking at anything besides Mia...but still I know how you feel.

Cleaning the bathtubs? Pfft. Just pull the shower curtain across... problem solved!

I am the same way. I had to get my house perfect before I could enjoy my 11 year anniversary party...just me and the hubby. I told him I was cleaning the floors to perfection before our celebration. He said, "Oh Yeah. That's what I care about...floors"

Who was I really doing this for? That is correct my insane OCD internal twin. yep. Happy Birthday!

Uh, you are so not alone. When I had a very important and special houseguest coming, I stayed up until THREE IN THE MORNING, scrubbing baseboards, and googling "how to wash mildewy shower curtains."

As for the four bathroom thing, I'm sure that one point you thought for sure that you would give birth to quadruplets, and so you were simply planning ahead. It's totally understandable, if that is even a word.

I am right there with you with the whole nuerotic cleaning before company. Any company. I even straighten my closet as if someone would go in there. I know exactly what you mean!

Sorry, there were to many comments for me to plow through. I'm sure they are all great. I just want to say, couldn't agree more on the bath tub thing, bathing/deserves etc. (That was vehwwy funny, too.)

About the bathrooms. In one past life you used to tip over outhouses. In another you would climb under the stalls and latch all the doors at the drive-in theater just before the break between movies. In still another you used to read in the bathroom while your younger siblings wailed outside the door. It is Karma. Why only three? They were having a Karmic special -- commit three get your next Karma burden free. Lucky girl.

I am totally the same way. The house has to be spotless if anyone is going to come over. Even if we order Chinese to be delivered by a complete and total stranger who really doesn't care as long as he/she gets a tip, the living room has to be tidied up.

I can't have them thinking that I don't cook AND keep a messy house!

Oh my, NO WAY...obviously not since I am like the 54th commentor and I bet everyone above me has confirmed they are as freaky as you. Me included. I mean my best friend comes over (who is a total slob) that I have know almost my whole life and I have to clean up. She KNOWS already. Why do I try to hide that I live in my house? Guess we'll never know.

I think you had to buy the house with four bathrooms. For me. Because now I know better. I'm never-ever-ever doing that. So, hmmm, thanks!

also... are you kidding? I clean the house when STRANGERS HINT that they might be coming over!

I hate not having a clean house when people are coming over. And I hate a messy house, too. So I'm currently stewing over my husband's yet to be completely unpacked duffel bag and other stuff just laying around in a pile since he returned from his trip on Sunday. Grrr. Make.it.go.away.now.please.

dear god chiquita! four bathrooms? you didn't need us to stop you from buying a house with four bathrooms, you should have had sense enough to avoid it ;)

Your post and the responses were so interesting to me...and helpful. My mother and sister are just the same as you all and I think it has helped me to understand them a bit better. The problem I have is that when I go to someones house who is like that (a clean freak)...I am incredibly nervous that I or my kids will mess something up or make something dirty. Not very much fun to go...I would rather go to someones house who isn't as particular about things like that.

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