I am great in a crisis. Fabulous. Seriously, if the world is falling down around you, I am the person you want to have with you because I will figure out something, at least, that can be done and then I will do it. I will not freak, panic, cry, anything, I just deal. Same thing when I have problems of my own. I might shatter into a million pieces once the problem is dealt with, but in the moment I just take care of things.
Except when it comes to Mia.
Mia got hurt yesterday and she just wouldn't stop screaming. It was not emergency, she was not bleeding, her life and well-being were not in danger, the worst case scenario was a couple of broken bones. That's a pretty bad scenario, granted, but is the thing you need to take care of within a few hours, not a few minutes. I called Mia's pediatrician and they told me the first appointment was in 50 minutes. That was entirely reasonable, except that Mia wouldn't stop screaming and I was panicked. I said I would take her to the hospital and hung up.
Then I couldn't figure out what to do. I called our insurance company to find out where to go and they hung up on me (don't even get me started on that) and Mia still wouldn't stop screaming. I ended up grabbing my purse (but not my insurance card) and running out of the house, throwing Mia in the car and driving to where I thought there was an urgent care place. And there was, years ago, but now it is a bank. I tried again, struck out again, and found myself near the pediatrician so finally decided to stop being stupid and went in there.
They saw Mia, sent us for x-rays, had us come back so the Hotty Pediatrician could apply Neosporin and a band-aid (whatever), and everything was fine.
I don't know where that panic comes from, though. It's unlike me. All I could think was that I had to get her to someone who could fix her RIGHT AWAY. Fifty minutes was too long, fifty seconds was too long. She was hurt, I had caused it, and I had to fix it immediately. I'm going to try hard next time (there will be a next time, as much as I hate to admit it I know there will) to be calm, to assess the situation, to act rationally. I'm not holding out a lot of hope for myself though. This is my baby we're talking about here.
My favorite (can you sense the sarcasm there?) part of the day was this conversation with the Hotty Pediatrician when we went back to see him after the x-rays:
Hotty Pediatrician: So, were you relieved?
Me: Relieved? That I hadn't actually broken any of my child's bones?
Hotty Pediatrician: Yes.
Me: Um, yeah.
Like, obviously, right? Seriously, either this guy hates me or he is so hot for my bod that he can't think straight, and at this point I honestly don't care which.
Also, after all that, Mia took a two and a half hour nap. Too bad I was too shell-shocked to do anything other than stare at the wall for most of it.