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Like Mr. Spock, but with better hair

Fascinating. There is just no other word for it, your responses to Friday's workin' post were fascinating. If you didn't read through the comments, you really ought to. I just made it through all of them myself (mostly between 3:30 and 4:30 this morning) and I apologize for not responding to all of them, but I did not want to risk the clickity click of my typing waking my peacefully slumbering child and husband. Well, child at least, the husband snores so much I feel he gets what he deserves. Anyway, I enjoyed it greatly even though I discovered that a couple of you are nasty, stinking Campbells and will have to be banned from this site immediately in the name of my highly-diluted Scottish pride.

Oh yes, Mia Monday will be late today because we have something of an event this afternoon that I want to document for all posterity, or at least for this tiny little corner of the internet. So, to tide you over this morning, your assignment is to do two things.

1) Tell me how much you love love love my new three-column template, because it was a fucking bitch to get it done and I think it deserves a little praise, dammit, especially since I fixed it in IE and everything, which I don't usually bother to do because IE sucks. And then go ahead and tell me you hate ads and call me a dirty, sellout whore. May as well get it out of your system because they are here to stay, at least on a trial basis. If they don't turn out to be worth uglying up my website I'll replace them with, I dunno, pictures of my smokin' ass or something.

2) Tell me how to keep an 18 month old child calm and entertained during her first ever haircut so that a) she doesn't end up looking like I did it and b) the nice hair girl doesn't suffer a nervous breakdown and end up cowering under one of those big 50's-looking hairdryers whimpering and admiring how shiny her scissors are.

Comments (47)

Um, I'm a stinkin' Campbell, but I thought I would offer up my idea for the hair cut, though I'm sure you already thought of it. Candy. I cut my daughters bangs myself and always feed her candy to get her to sit still. However, I don't think anything in the world would distract her enough to let some stranger come after her with sharp pointy "owchies," as she calls them.

Ha! You actually made it three columns on purpose. I thought my computer had just gone (this is how my sleep-deprived mind works). Looks lovely-seems perkier or something. Ads don't bother me a bit, and if they generate some revenue for you, more power to 'em!

First haircut-ahhhh, that brings back memories. I predict that you're gonna get very lucky and Mia is just going to sit there as still and happy as can be, therefore, the stylist will be just fine. Besides, she should be used to kids howling and twisting out of the seat. ;-)

Seriously, all my kids LOVED getting their hair cut. My son had his first trim at 9 months...we didn't have to hold his head still or anything. He seriously loved it. Can't wait to see the pics!!

I love the three column look. It is better than "Cats".

A lollipop.

The 3 column thing looks fabulous!! If it brings you $$ even better.

Hair cut thing: you once said she is mesmerized by seeing herself being filmed. Perhaps filming her first cut may be of some help??

Bring something that she's never seen before - something that isn't actually a toy (I find real toys only hold their interest for 5 seconds) - something that looks like a gadget she's usually not allowed to play with, and has lots of buttons or pieces to explore.

I cut Button's hair and the New! Fascinating! Object! trick is the only reason she doesn't look like a sasquatch. Another option is to have someone (probably you) dancing in the background to keep Mia's head upright and somewhat still for bang cutting.

Suckers. I bribe my kid. Works wonders

Would you believe I wouldn't have noticed the ads if you hadn't told me? I'm sorry, I head straight for content.

Hope you survive the haircut. Some kids think they're fun and she may be one of them.

Last time I looked, you had 144 replies to your last post. Be careful what you ask for, you may get it.

The three columns look good. If the ads bring you a few cents, good for you.

I'm not a parent, so I don't have any useful suggestions.

We got her a cheapo electric toothbrush for entertainment emergencies. Kiddo has the shiniest 18 month teeth around and nary a peep outta her.

I dig three columns, but alas, I don't get it here, as I am working (at work) on a computer running Windows 98 (I KNOW), and it all goes to the left. I will ooh and ahh when I get home.

Finally re: ads, I say good for you. I am not opposed to advertisements on any level at all, and I don't think I would have noticed, either. I hate when people get all hoopy about ads, like it's somehow selling out. If you have the eyeballs and can make a couple of bucks doing something you love, why not?

I think the new three-column format is so, so beautiful, like a summer's morn.

And need I say how riveted I am by the prospect of a Girl Child Haircut Report? Document EVERYTHING. Tell ALL.

I have no advice on the sitting-still thing, because when I tried to trim a few lengthy individual strands from my own 19-month-old female child, she nearly put holes in the nearby wall with her flailing and raging. We may be in for a long childhood.

Oh! And I forgot to say that I think tie-in ads are funny enough to be considered entertainment rather than advertisement. Today's column shows me ads for Mr. Spock merchandise and for a product that will showcase my own 'world's most beautiful child.' That is AWESOME.

I heart the 3 columns!!!

No advice here. D's hair is still nice and short w/a bald spot in back.

Beth - your 3-column template is HOTT.

candy, but not just any candy.
Buy her one of those candy necklaces, but don't put it on her.
I'm guessing, she's never had one of those. They fascinate kids. Especially when they see they can eat the candy off.
Then I gave them a candy necklace only when we went for a hair cut. I think my 20 year old would still like it if I gave him one when he gets a haircut.

I don't have any kids, nor do I have any experience in the matter, but I am an uncle and I have seen a few neat tricks that give me an idea.

Play haircut at home before you go. Get out the scissors, sit her in a chair, put a towel over her, and pretend to cut her hair. She may even find this fun. If it's freaking her out, let her be in control: Say "scissors! 1... 2..." and wait for her to say 3 - coax it out if necessary. THEN do the cutting motion and say "scissors! yay!" - make it fun. If the control helps her deal with it, ask the nice hair cutter lady (stylist?) to humor her and play along. She'll probably be happy to play if it means a happy kid (and thus a nice tip!)

Looking forward to pics. :)

No criticism here. If my traffic gets high enough, I may go all sellout to finance Harry's college education. When you are looking at being retirement age when your kid hit's college, you lose your pride where that is concerned.

And then I will have to figure out that three-column thing myself.

Love the 3-column layout.

My son (now 15) cried and screamed through his first haircut. He pretty much did the same thing yesterday when I made him get his hair trimmed so we could see his eyes again. My daughter (now 5) didn't get a haircut until she tried doing her own and we had to get it "fixed." She loved it and sat perfectly still!

BTW, how's your diet going? I thought about challenging you to a competition a while ago, but I wasn't up to it. HA! Now I'm doing low-carb and it's not so much working.

Haircut-take her to one of those places that lets them watch tv. Thats the only way I can get Michael to sit still.

Site looks great!!!

I really like the three column format, I prefer things centered anyway!

OMG...I have haircut horror stories with my youngest child. Lollipops are ok, but if she starts to cry or wiggle the hair will get stuck on them and well hairy lollipops are nasty!!

At least she is a girl, I had to acclimate my youngest to the sound of clippers, nothing like buzzing a clipper around your childs head a couple of days in a row so he did not freak out when the haircut lady did it!

I've always liked the 3 column look. You did a very nice job, indeed! I have to say, I don't mind the ad's at all. I probably wouldn't have even noticed, if you hadn't mentioned it. I have somehow managed to get my brain to ingore such things, most of the time. What can I say? I'm weird like that.

As for keeping a toddler distracted during a haircut. I have no idea. I have a friend that cut's my son's hair. I usually had her stop by on a Saturday, during his normal nap time. He never even knew he even HAD a new haircut. I'd sit him in my lap, she'd wet his hair, cut it and I'd lay him back down. No fuss, no muss. I'm not sure that will work for my daughter when the time comes, but we'll see! lol

I, personally, like the 3 column layout - not so much for the ads but because it gets the main content off the left side of the screen which I generally dislike.

I don't remember my first haircut, though the photograph says it was at 9 months. My mom crouched down in front of the hair cutter chair and made silly faces at me to keep me focused down. Does that help?

Congrats on the three-column design!

And I have to fully support the lollipop for the haircut suggestions.

I am risking having rotten fruit thrown at me..but I don't love the content being in the middle of the page, and the links to the left..but that's because I am a creature of habit. I thought my computer had messed it up at first. And I have no problem with ads at all and I still love your site and your adorable child.

For the haircut, I have no advice just a request for lots of pictures please! :-)

Your three column template is confusing me. I have to find a new job now.


1. Nice. If you really do have questions, feel free to ask.

2. I'd recommend a sucker or something to that effect that she really likes. Also, our hairdresser gave her something to hold onto underneath the blanket as another mental distraction. It was a car that turned colors by the warmth of your hand.

Great work on the 3 column. Man are they ever a pain to set up.

My youngest hated getting her hair cut the first two times. She was really afraid the lady was going to cut off all of her hair and freaked out. I bet Mia will do great though. I like someone else's suggestion of videoing her.

We finally ended up taking Allison to a kiddie cut place where they get to sit in seats shaped like cars or airplanes and watch kid shows or play the gamecube. She loved it.

I'm clan Hannay, can I still comment?

Three column layouts are smokin' hott.

When Queen B was 18 months old, I didn't try anything more ambitious than trimming her bangs at home. I'd vote for some kind of bribe, though I'm not sure about candy, since you really don't want her to get any more wiggly while the scissors are being used.

I held Lauren in my lap for her first haircut, about a week before she turned 1. It went okay.

i also had my hair cut first so she could see what the deal was.

I wish *I* were a dirty sellout whore so really, props to you. And the site does look fab.

As for keeping her entertained, all I know is that lollipops work for many a toddler. Good luck! Can't wait to see pics!

Pulls out box and steps up onto it. Lifts hands and claps as loudly as is possible!
"Bravo on your new look"!
Gets off box and drags it back out, where it will sit waiting for another great event!

The new template looks great! At first I couldn't put my finger on what was different, because me=dummy.

ummmm. i'm going to be the voice of contention and say that I'm not a fan of the new look, and it has nothing to do with the addition of the ads, and everything to do with the fact that I'm not a fan of three column blogs and of the little frame around each entry. But I do still appreciate all the work you did to make it useable in the only browser they let me use at work. And also, it's your blog to do with as you please...

we can still totally make out later though, right?

I like the three columns. I typically ignore the ads anyway, so who cares if they're there. And if you can make few extra bucks off of them then more power to you.

I have absolutely no advice on the hair cut front, but good luck!

three column layouts are a bitch. good job!


2) Um... here's my advice: don't do it? I know, I know, probably too late.. And not what you asked. Don't you just LOVE f*cktards like me telling you what to do?? :) When JOcelyn was younger I found that every time I took my precious girl in for a hair cut, she came out looking like a boy: ie: too short. I had to just stop getting her hair cut for a while and just trimmed up her bangs now and again myself. The result: finally, we coudl do piggie tails!!

Of course, this is pretty much assvice "How do i do X?" "YOU DON'T, YOU'LL REGRET IT!" so let me actually answer the question - we went to one of those kiddie cut places with TVs for them to watch until they were old enough to hold still (the boy is 4, and still not QUITE old enough, but he manages). Also - lollipops while it's being cut. GOOD LUCK!

Hey - if it brings you money to have ads, then go ahead!

Owen's been getting his haircut since he was a year old and we just have a really good haircutter (hairdresser seems so...cheesy) who has two boys of her own. So, she's really good with him. I think that's key.

Also, the squirt bottle of water and a towel. And duck. Or get wet.

I have no idea. I waited untill Gabby was 3 years old. I just couldn't bring my self to cut her hair.

But when we did go we went to one of those places that cater to kids hair and they have video games and such to keep the kids occupied.

Jelly beans. Or a sucker. Give it to her and let her open it herself. By the time she does, they'll be done. Good lcuk.

Love the new template! Great job, Beth!
Haircut! I would love to get the monkey's hair cut...but the hubby's not into it. Her hair's CRAZY long!!!

Can we have the ads AND you're smokin' ass?

Pretty please?

Oh, and my daughter (will be four too-soon) has never had her hair cut. But she has had several braiding sessions (probably hundreds if you include the ones my wife does) and there is nothing on this planet that can entertain my daughter for the hours that it takes to braid her hair.

If you find something that works for the haircut, let me know. My 4 1/2 yr old still hasn't had one yet. I gave up and decided both of us could do with out the trauma. She just has long hair instead and I invested in millions of headbands, bows, ribbons, barrettes, etc.

Duct tape?

I don't know, neither of my girls had enough hair to cut at 18m. Good luck!

OH! And you're a dirty, sellout whore. But then, so am I. Lets make out!

Sorry I missed the excellent posts this week (have been too far mired in my own nonsense & angst), but great 3-col layout! Go you!

My job comment reply is firmly affixed to my blog. At least part one. That's a tough question, the "tell me all you jobs" question.

The page looks great and so does Mia's haircut!

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So the Fish Said...

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