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Wallflower

Last week, I told Sarah that I wouldn't be going to Blogher this year because I am shy. I later realized that I had told her a lie. It is true that I will not be going to Blogher for a multitude of other reasons (Reason #1: Don't Want To, Can't Make Me), but shyness is not among them. I am not shy. Or, to be more accurate, I am no longer shy. Introverted, reticent, reserved and aloof, sure, not not shy.

For a while, I was so scared of talking to people that with everyone other than immediate family I would feel like I was floating up near the ceiling somewhere watching myself talk. I much preferred to just not speak and did that whenever possible. Oddly, I could get up in front of 300 people and do just about anything without a problem.

I am no longer scared to talk to anyone, although frequently I am just not interested. That's snobbery though, not shyness. I don't know if it is age and maturity or the effect of carting a kid around with me wherever I go and being too focused on that to worry about myself, but shyness just isn't a factor anymore. In fact, I'd just as soon sit on your lap and give you a noogie while telling you my life story as look at you, so consider yourselves warned.

I mention this because I suspect that blogging has had something to do with this change, with bringing me a little more out of my own head and making it so that I am no longer afraid that everyone will think anything I say is stupid and meaningless. So thanks for that, I truly appreciate it.

(Also, hey, I wrote up the thrilling saga of teaching Mia to sign over at Playgroup Dropout today,. so if you are one of the people who have asked about that, or one of the people who has been too shy to ask but your burning desire to know has been keeping you up nights, then by all means click on over and read all about it.)

Comments (21)

IT IS IN CHICAGO, YOU HO! YOU HAVE TO COME!

I hear ya Leah. This has become totally me also and I think it has come with age. I am shy by nature, someone who observes more than gets involved but I had no problem speaking to 300+ people when I was assistant director at a occupational school.

These days, I only talk to a certain amount of people. I belong to a Mom and Tot group and I find that I am attending less and less because I am no longer getting anything out of it. Basically it is because I have no desire to make small talk with people who aren't going to matter in my life. Conceited to some I'm sure but I really don't care.

I say, we should all be able to live our OWN life. Your way is the right way for you!

Me neither. I mean, BlogHer that is. And the introverted part. But I don't think it's snobbery that keeps us from tooling around and meeting lots of people - I don't think you have to be a snob to not want to waste time with people you're not interested in. I don't like meeting lots of people, and if I'm not interested, I figure my life is too damn short to waste it with someone I don't really want to be with/talk to/whatever.

My reasons for not wanting to go to BlogHer is the fear that it really will be like high school, with the "popular" girls (many of whom are perfectly nice, and got this title by accident), the social climbers (oh yes, they will be there) and the outcasts who have better things to do then wonder why in the hell we we wasted our time and money on this thing. I'm not saying that *all* the people there will fall into these categories, and I'm sure there will be lots of great people there. But if BlogHer imitates the blogosphere, I can't see why it would be any different. And, ah, no thank you.

The floating to the ceiling part happens to me all the time, but I am not shy nor snobby I just get so concerned with what I am saying.

I love that description.

I find that blogging is changing me too. I don't feel so alone anymore, and yes, I think I am starting to come out of my shell.
I am not even invited to Blogher because I am not a popular read, but would I go? Probably not.

PS: Love the picture of Mia on the left!

The Toronto mommy bloggers have gotten together a few times, and I haven't gone. I said I'm shy (or something), too. But, it really isn't shyness, is it? Because, like you said, it seems I've lost any shred of shyness I ever had -- probably cuz of the kid and the blog. But, I kinda like the idea of keeping things online. (And, I actually do think my persona online is a little more outgoing and social than the real thing....) I promised I'd go to the next get-together, though. And, I think I can handle it.

I've said before that in a social situation involving more than 3 people, I'm the one in the corner, hopefully with one other person who feels the same way.

Then it occurred to me, I'm fine with public speaking, I can chair a meeting with no problem, and I've even done a couple of t.v. interviews years ago.

I chat all the time in grocery lines with people I've never met.

Strange how I freeze up in the give and take of a party, even with people I live very much.

More power to the women who will have a wonderful time at BlogHer. I'll stay in my little nest and read all about it.

Oops - should read "people I "like" very much.

I feel the same way about the whole shyness thing. I used to be a whole lot worse and am still getting out of it. I need a long time around a person before I can feel comfortable with them. Unfortunately introverts are looked down upon, which frustrates me to no end. And a lot of times people just aren't all that interesting.

Does it help to know that you could stay with me, for free? In fact, the entire internet can stay with me, for free. You're all invited.

You know, blogging probably has helped me worry a bit less about sharing my thoughts and opinions too. I never thought about it that way, but I sure as hell won't shut up sometimes lately, and blogging could be a contributing factor.

Although sometimes I am still quiet and unsure of myself. An introvert can't completely change her spots. And one of those times would likely be BlogHer, so I don't think I'll be going either.

People are always shocked to discover I'm less than brilliant in person. I hate talking to people I don't know, find it awkward and uncomfortable. And talking on the phone when I don't know someone? Painful. But you're correct in that blogging and having kids makes this less so. I guess putting yourself out there makes it easier to, um... put yourself out there.

Are you out of your mind?????!!?!?!?

BlogHer is in my freakin' backyard! I'm going to peer pressure you until you buckle and then you'll come and have loads of fun.

We do what we can.

Interesting! So happy to help...lol. I tend to go the other way...I can talk to anyone, anyplace, about anything. Small groups are fine, as are classes of 30 or so, but get me in front of a large group and I'd just as soon die, thank you very much! I think that's why my poor blog has been left to languish. Give me a paper journal and a pen, thanks!

i'm quite a chatty talkative person but since graduating college i've quite regressed. i've just lost interest in small talk and acquaintences (Sp?)

I pretty much feel the same way as you. However, if I had the opportunity to meet some of the people that I have gotten to know on the Internet I'd have to think long and hard about taking it. Just because, as you said, "that I am no longer afraid that everyone will think anything I say is stupid and meaningless." And I now know that there are people out in this world who see things as I see them, and that's really refreshing.

I have found that the older I get, the less social I want to be. I don't want to go to parties and make small talk over irrelevant things to people I barely know and I don't want to bore them to death with the genius stories of my 17 month old. I stopped sending cards to people who don't bother to care to send one to me. I just paired down the list of people I want to socialize with. While I long for the carefree single days of hanging out with the girls every once in a while, right now I long to spend more time with my kids and not let life and work get in the way.

Is there anything I can say to change your mind about coming to BlogHer? Because I would love to meet you! I went last year, and I can say that while it's true that there was a group of the top bloggers that stuck together, everyone else pretty much hung out in a big group. You don't have to talk to anyone you're not interested in, but I guarantee that if you love someone on their blog, you'll probably love them in real life, too.

But Beth, you can write off the entire trip as you are now a professional freelance blogger. That in itself is reason enough.

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