So basically, I want to know what you guys do. I'm curious, have been for ages, and I can't control my curiosity any longer so I am going to insist that you just tell me. Now I don't want anybody getting dooced over this, so vague is fine. If you are really paranoid, you can email me instead, that's fine too. Since telling you that I'm a stay at home mom and quote unquote freelance writer isn't really a fair trade as I can't get fired from the mom gig and my job is blogging so I'm fairly sure they already know I have a blog and that I blog at work, I'm going to tell you everything I have ever done and hope you will find it equitable.
My first job was in the commercial lockbox of a bank, I processed checks all day. Chris's dad got me this job (see how long we've been together?). He just happened to be the chief executive muckity-muck at the time. Not a bad job, but due to the muckity-muckness I have nothing more to say about it.
Second job was in the children's department at Hecht's (department store that is now Macy's, in case you don't know). God, I was bad at retail. Didn't care, didn't remember people, would go to look for pants for one woman and two minutes later proudly present them to another woman entirely and have no clue I had gotten it wrong until she asked me what the hell I was doing.
Third job was cashier at Cracker Barrel. Best things about this job were the frequent smoke breaks, the bread they sold, and this dish that was chicken marinated in Italian dressing, which sounds gross but was really good. Worst thing about this job was that people are assholes.
Fourth job was assistant manager at Food Lion. Shut up. I said shut up! Hey, you know how stores always have these signs that say they have a time-release safe? We had a time release safe, but if you jammed an allen wrench in this little hole it opened right up. I looked so hott in that green apron, and never let anybody tell you any different.
Fifth job was substitute teaching. Either I made the kids cry or they made me cry every single day. I didn't last long.
Job six was paralegal/legal secretary at a law firm. I was good at the paralegal bit and lousy at the secretary bit and totally unqualified for either. Most interesting trivia from this job is that the (incredibly senior) partner I worked for was a Campbell and I'm a Lamont. In 1646 the Campbells massacred the Lamonts. I tried not to hold that against him, but I may have been the first Lamont to speak to a Campbell in 350 years.
Job seven, or jobs seven through 142, depending how you count, was for this company. It sucked at the end, but early on it was fabulous. The old people were 27, we were told that if we saw someone wearing a suit in the building we should call security, and thanks to that lovely bubble the company was making money hand over fist so there were lovely perks. Also on Fridays we danced on the tables. I started as a billing flunkie for high-end account (which at the time was anybody who had a single T3), moved to billing team lead, then to project manager for sales, and then it's all a blur - PM, analyst, trainer, marketing, PM again, flunkie, who knows.
Job eight is, obviously, MILF and mamablogger extraordinarie. Best part is never having to brush my hair, worst part is definitely the vomit.
And that's it, the whole sordid tale. Dude, you know what I said at the beginning? Scratch that. Now I totally want to know what you do and also how many total jobs you have had in your life. Spill.