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I am definitely going to regret this one

You know that will-not-die "5 Things You Don't Know About Me" meme that I and everyone else have done eighteen times or so? Yeah, Sarcomical tagged me again, that bitch. While I can certainly think of five things you don't know about me (name of my first grade teacher, make model and color of my first car, number and precise placement of freckles on my body, etc.), none of those things is especially worth knowing. This is where you come in. You have until naptime Friday (1:00, more or less) to ask questions. Tomorrow afternoon, I will select five or so of the most outrageous, inappropriate, entertaining, or just plain hilarious (to me) questions and answer them.

Let's go, people. It's up to you to make this interesting.

Comments (43)

Where were you when you lost your virginity?

What's your most embarassing moment?

Have you ever been busted doing something totally inappropriate?

List the things you have done that are illegal. Hee.

What was the first thing you felt when you had the first inkling you might be pregnant with Mia?

What is the oldest thing in your house?

Have you ever thought of Clive Owen when you've been doing the dirty with Mr Cactus???

Did you ever have sex on your parents' bed? And, if so, do your parents read this blog? And if they do are they going to totally freak out when they find out? :)

You are on a deserted island. During one of your foraging episodes you find that Clive, Hotty Pediatrician and Wish He Would Take Off His Damn Shirt Bank Teller are also on the Island with you. Besides the obvious, how would the 4 of you pass time?

Do you prefer carpets or hardwoods? And I don't mean on your floors.


What was your favorite sex position while you were pregnant?

This was forever a challenge for us!

I can't think of anything outrageous, inappropriate, entertaining, or just plain hilarious to ask you right now -- the kid AND the husband are now vomiting (not this second, but, you know). Pity me....

I'm going to be a rebel and ask two questions.
And neither of them is about your sex life.

1. Have you ever had an out of body experience? Please describe in detail.

2. If you found out, irrefuteably, that Mr. Cactus was having an affair, would you stay or would you go?

Now that Clive is MY pretend celebrity boyfriend...who will you replace him with? Johnny Depp? (sorry, he's mine too)

If you ever decided to go back to work - not saying that you have to, or that I want you to, no I want you to stay home for maximum blog posting - what would be your dream job? The most wonderful thing you could get paid for doing, ever?

(And oh my Lord why are people so nosy about pregnant sex?)

I'll dive in with a sex question, surprise I know. How many partners have you had? Have all been male?

I'm going to follow Jessica's example and ask more than one question ;-)

What is your secret, comfort food indulgence that you are embarassed to admit because some may find it disgusting?

Name a "bad" thing you did as a child or teenager that no one ever found out about.

Complete this sentence: In my refrigerator/kitchen/pantry, you can always find:

Name an item you secretly covet, but haven't told anyone about because it doesn't make any sense for you to want such a thing.

Name an eatery/restaurant that you are embarassed to tell people is on your short list of favorite places to eat.

(Can you tell I'm hungry right now? ;-) )

If you found out there had been a mix up at the hospital and Mia was not your biological child, would you give her back or fight to keep her?

when will mia get a sibling?

When was your most embarasssing fart and who got to "enjoy" it?

You and The Cactus have been together a long time... do you guys have exes, and do you think or talk about them? Or has that faded away?

Was class of upbringing did you have? Modest, middle-class, or rich? How has it effected you?

Do you, or have you ever watched porn with Chris? Was it hot or weird?

do you fart in front of each other??
what about pee?

Guilty Pleasure - what is the worst show you have ever liked/loved/wanted to make out with?

Did you become a vegetarian for health or environmental (or other) reasons? What challenges have you encountered in rasing Mia as a vegetarian?

My imagination is sorely lacking at 6:30 a.m.

I can't wait for the answers to the questions though.

Have a great weekend.

Not wishing to think too hard about fish-on-cactus sex, I'll instead ask:

Name five movies you could watch over and over OR five places you'd like to go on vacation.

I believe I remember reading at Chris' site that he carrys around a bottlecap you told him to keep forever, do you have anything you hang on to and plan to forever?

What if it turned out Mia was a (*gasp*) carnivore? Would you disown her? Try to convert her? Show her the error of her ways?

Also, do you ever secretly eat non-vegetarian things, and if so, what are you most likely to go for when you "slip"?

(I've somehow managed to make eating sound dirty when all I really wanted to do was avoid asking about your sex life. And now I feel like the perviest of all the commenters, even the ones who asked seriously pervy questions. How did that happen? No, wait, don't count that as a question.)

As a dancer would you consider yourself to be more like Elaine from Seinfeld or like Kelly Monaco from Dancing with the stars? (You can click on their names for a dance sample)

Ohhh-I thought of another:

If Chris wanted to undergo a sex change operation to become the woman he always wanted to be, would you stay married to him and share your sexy yoga pants?

I'm looking foward to see which of these questions you answer.

I thought of another question.

Tell us about something you said or did as a child that your family won't let you forget.

Im pretty sure I cant top any of these questions, but as I was reading thru them I thought of something to ask. It's not a wierd question at all so it wont do you any good for your meme, but if you get bored one day and need a topic to write on here or over at the other blog, I would really (REALLY) like to knwo more about Mia's diet and raising her as a vegetarian. Im a vegetarian ( no meat, chicken, seafood etc but yes to eggs and stuff) and I want to raise Emma the same, although my husband is NOT in favor of that. We might compromise with poultry. Anyway, love to know your thoughts. :)

Who is on your Top 5 "to do" list? I mean other than Clive.

Um, I'm fairly twisted. But I can't top these. Knock your socks off. Or your pants down. Either way, it'll be an interesting post.

Is this your first marriage?

Also, is it freaking you out how many of your readers have sex-related questions?

Assuming you sleep naked, if there was a fire, would you rather have to run outside in only your socks, your undies or your bra?

wow! i can't even think dirtier than some of these people.

i want to beg though, PLEASE PLEASE PRETTY PLEASE answer more than five. These are so entertianing!

Hmmm, tell me about your religious views, how you were raised, how you think, etc. Certainly this covers all the bases since sex is on here and you've already professed you're liberal.

OH, how about any drug action?

Hmm....can't wait to read these.

Seriously, don't stop at 5!

If you had to pick-which would you choose?

1. The Bikini Wax
2. The Brazilian Bikini
3. The Playboy Bikini Wax
4. The Sphinx

And no-I've never been brave enough to let any wax anywhere near those areas!

I think the comments above will prove that I'm not the most pervy reader you have ... here's my attempts:

If you had to live without one body part (i.e. a maniacal evil villain gave a choice about what they would cut off - feel free to choose internal or external parts) what would you choose, and why?

What is the scariest place you've lived (i.e. scary neighborhood or scary appartment, etc)?

Technically it's before 1 p.m. where I live so I'm still posting a question to you.

Did you ever get that growth-thingie removed from your scalp?

Just asking because I still haven't gotten around to it.

well. This probably won't make the cut but all the good sex questions are already taken.
Here goes:

How did you come up with "So the fish said" and what is the punchline??

Crap, I missed it. Damn time difference.

Although I am looking forward to reading the questions you pick!

WOW! You are like this huge perve magnet or something! I am so jealous! LOL Have fun answering these ;)

Have you ever 'ripped a big one', when it was totally inappropriate (as at a funeral, or during an interview)?

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So the Fish Said...

Whoever you are, now I place my hand upon you, that you be my poem, I whisper with my lips close to your ear.

- Walt Whitman

Meet the Fish

I want to get a pet duck and keep it in the bathtub.
I am addicted to chap stick and altoids.
I am freakishly flexible.

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