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Three things I hate

1. The number of people who asked me where my husband was while I was shoveling the walkway (and later, sidewalk, fuck me) with the kid strapped to my back. Now first, what the hell business is it of yours, and second, I am able-bodied and strong and have never been the type to sit around waiting for someone else to do for me anything I could very well do for myself. That said, next time around he's doing the shoveling and minding the baby while I sprawl on the couch and eat bon-bons.

2. The prevalent idea that all women are enamored of Valentine's Day and entertaining perfect visions of flowers and candy and dinner and candles and the ideal $3.99 greeting card while all men live in fear of the day and are eternally fucking it up, whatever the hell "it" is. I don't hate Valentine's Day, it just bores me other than as an excuse for sex, which I am for. Although Chris did buy me a card and candy, which is notable mainly for the fact that we discovered Mia knows the sign for "candy," which she saw once on a video two months ago and has apparently retained in her beautiful little head just waiting for an opportunity such as this to break it out. I did not, in the end, buy him a Hustler, but I did have him going for a while there.

3. That the search for something sexy used to entail finding the smallest piece of fabric which could still technically be considered a garment, and now involves a frantic search for something which covers both my stomach and my scar. Don't get me wrong, I think my scar is hott, it just isn't what I prefer to lead with. You know what covers both stomach and scar? Yoga pants and my ratty-ass old pajama shirt. Hey, I did brush my teeth, since it was a special occasion and all.

Comments (22)

So what magazine DID you buy him?

Oh, and yoga pants are incredibly sexy. Yeah.

uhm, I got nothing here...

I shoveled the driveway (twice... fucking Canada) and gave my wife perfume and candy...

what does that say about me?

I'm with you on number 1. I shovel, and I also enjoy mowing, and I would never expect my man to be solely responsible for these thing. I even take out the trash!

!

Yesterday at work since my male co-worker was sick and gone, I did the jobs my boss normally won't let me do because she doesn't think I'm "strong enough" and that I would "hurt myself." With no problems. And I did some better than him. And she was shocked, and I was sort of disgusted.

Yup. I agree with all points.

Chris and do not normally celebrate valentines day...we used do a little "bow chick-a-bow-bow" but now that we're old and the 14th is on a TUESDAY...hell no. He did go to Noah's class to decorate cupcakes. I went to work for 9 hours and then I came home and yelled at Chris for not shoveling the drive way.
heh

Yes, it is incredibly tiresome when people presume that the man is supposed to be doing the big outside chores and the little woman should be doing EVERYFREAKING THING ELSE! I guarantee that same person wouldn't blink if they saw you vacuuming or scrubbing the floor with Mia strapped to your back. And...yoga pants? Hot. I'm wearing some right now.

Scar contemplation is v. depressing. at least mine is, anyhow. Yours prob. looks better than mine. I'll show mine if you show yours.

I am not a fan of V day at all...I think it's just a marketing scam.

But as it turns out I had the Best. V day. Ever!
This V day brought me finalized divorce papers, I am sooooo happy though the irony doesn't escape me. (and I'm not beng sarcastic)

:)
YAY!

The radio show this morning had a lady on it who mentioned that she did the typical woman thing: "Oh honey, you don't have to get anything this year." And then when her husband didn't get her anything, she freaked out at him.

The only reason we bought each other cards this year was because my son was dying for that pink talking hippo from Hallmark, and I didn't feel like paying $18 for it. (I saved like... 32 cents since I had to buy 3 cards to make it cheaper. Heck yes mama!)

And don't forget teddies... I haven't myself stepped into one yet (I'm still too wimpy of the bodysuit thing) but they would definitely cover the scar. And the pooch the scar caused, well, in my case at least. :D

My husband thinks me in one of his shirts is sexy and mens shirts are definitely big enough to cover down to mid-thigh usually. I use V-Day as an excuse for sex too.

I figured you didn't buy him the Hustler but it was hilarious reading his comment when you walked in the house with the brown paper bag.

And, I'm sure Chris thinks you're hott no matter what you wear, yoga pants and all. :) Love is blind like that, yo!

I went out and shoveled with Dereck and then people asked us where our KIDS were and why THEY weren't shoveling.

I wanted the exercise, frankly, but it was easier without a 23 lb kid on my back.

I have to say, I am kind of disappointed. I really liked the idea of you and Mia walking into a 7-11 and you asking the guy behind the counter for a "Hustler".

My next-door neighbors are a very traditional couple in their 60s. On rare occasions I'll see the wife mowing or shoveling the sidewalk and she always has to rush to assure me that she "just needed to work off her flustrations." (Not a misspelling--that's how she says it.) As if my opinion of her would somehow be lower if she was doing "man's work." I want to tell her if she's "flustrated" enough, she can come on over and do mine, too.

Yeah, uhm, I am TOTALLY the type that will sit around and wait for someone [read:husband] to do something I am totally capable of doing myself. The jackass has the nerve to stand around and wait for me to make coffee, which I don't even drink, so yeah, he can get out there and shovel the f'in snow... which we don't have so he can mow the grass and stfu. LMAO

Yeah.. that's pretty much my attitude about it. =]

Ditto on the yoga pants! That's about as skimpy as it get's around here these days. I may ask for a tummy tuck for Christmas.. or not.

i have the bigger set of balls in my house. that said, my 11 year old step son is the one that shovels because children = free slave labor. mia's only in the "Hand me the remote and go get me another beer" stage. just wait until she gets older.

I actually love to shovel the snow, it gives me a chance to get out of the house, in the snow(that I love) without the kids.

My parents are still SHOCKED that on occasion my wife will mow the lawn or shovel the driveway if I have a major headache or something. We, on the other hand, each have our own 'standard' set of chores, but are willing to cross over and help out whenever needed ... alas, I'm bewildered how this can be seen as a progressive concept.

As to V-day ... tip for guys ... having your child, even an 18 month old, make a craft for mommy (such as decorating a craft store picture frame with magic marker scribbles), will go over very well.

I would have loved to have shoveled, it's great exercise..but couldn't leave the babies in here alone (it was too cold to strap 'em to my back...and OUCH). And to cover the belly and the scar, which I am sure Chris says are both beautiful (men) you should buy a cute babydoll nightie. Viola!

Overalls would cover it too. Tres chic and sexy.

Isn't it amazing what the kids pick up? My son said, unprompted, "clock" this morning. I don't remember teaching him that.

To me, dressed up means that my yoga pants and pajama top are freshly laundered. And if I've actually brushed my teeth? Absolutely all-dolled-up. Not even kidding.

smart girl learning the sign for candy!

Don't know about you, but who cares if the lights are off?

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So the Fish Said...

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