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You are all a bunch of wimps, every last one of you. I tell you to be rude to me in honor of International Be Rude to Beth Day, and all I get is "oh no, we love you, you are so sweet and pretty and nice." Bunch a pansies. Yeah, and don't even bother trying to be rude now, the moment has totally passed.

It did entertain me how many of you assumed that the internet had been rude to me. Truth is, the internet hasn't been rude to me for weeks, at least as far as I know. Maybe, however, someone has started a Beth Sucks Blog that you all know about and read daily and are just too embarrassed to tell me about. Actually, I sort of hope that has happened, because that would mean I had really arrived and probably it would bring me a ton of new traffic.

Um, if anybody is having problems with the new layout, please feel free to let me know, although my likely response will be to switch to Firefox already, dammit.

Anyway, Mia had her 18 month check-up today and we learned that she is by far the most intelligent, advanced and beautiful 18 month old child to ever walk the earth, but we knew that already. The good news is that the Zit That Ate My Face had shrunk to concealable size by this morning. I mean, even with make-up you can tell that it is there, but it isn't the first thing you notice about me. The first thing you notice about me is probably the cream cheese smeared in my hair. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get cream cheese out of hair? I mean sure, I suppose I could shower, but that seems so drastic.

The Hotty Pediatrician really disappointed me today as he has spent the last two weeks on a tropical island somewhere (actually, I know where, I am just not telling you because I don't want you all stalking my Hotty Pediatrician) and he is not noticeably tan. This is disappointing because tan boy stomachs are hot. Unless they are hairy, in which case no amount of tan can redeem it. And no, I didn't think I would have occasion to see the Hotty Pediatrician's tan stomach, but I have a vivid imagination and could have extrapolated. However, no tan. This leads me to believe that either a) he is one of those boring people who spends a week at the beach cowering under an umbrella and 200 SPF sunscreen, like me, or b) he was not at the beach at all and rather needed to take two weeks off to prepare himself to see me again so he could gather the inner strength required to not confess his undying love and beg me to run away to a tropical island in front of my husband, which would just be tacky. (And I originally had a typo in this sentence which suggested that the Hotty Pediatrician wanted to bed me rather than beg me, and that would be really tacky to do in front of my husband.)

Oh! I recommended the Hotty Pediatrician to a friend of mine (for her kids, obviously, but also for the scenery) so if she goes to see him I will get her to report back to all of you on his hottyness. Unless she claims he is not a hotty, in which case I will call her crazy and pretend I never told you this. She would probably retaliate by telling the Hotty Pediatrician about my blog, which would be horrifying, but also just the impetus we need to get this relationship off the ground. Somebody has to make the first move, right? (Hi, Laura. Please don't tell the Hotty Pediatrician about my blog. Thanks.)

Um, um, um. I think I'm out. Kisses to all of you (with tongue, obviously).

Comments (21)

I missed be rude to beth day!!! Dang it all to hell and back! Fuckin A!

OH well...Hi Beth!

I just wanted to let you know that I really wanted to be rude to you yesterday and it seemed like such fun and then I read all the comments and everyone was all nice and mushy gushy to you so I just x'd out and left. I wanted to be rude, not nice, so I didn't say anything. That was kinda rude, wasn't it? So, see...SOMEONE was rude to you yesterday. Me!

I'm sorry, Chris takes off of work to go to ped appointments? This would never happen in my house.

Well, the comments don't seem to be remembering my personal info. So that is sort of sad.
I wish you had some sort of excuse to photograph your Hotty Pediatrician. Oh! What if you said you needed one of him and Mia for her baby book? Huh? Huh? :-D

I have firefox and have to be all sneaky at work when reading blogs, so I minimize my blog pages. That makes your layout all...smallish and squished together. Does that make sense?

And um, have we really missed the chance to be rude? Because I'm a bitch and could totally pull it off.

(Hey look, I called myself a bitch. I guess I got confused and thought it was "be rude to Isabel day".)

Damn, I didn't get the memo about the be rude to Beth day!! I was being crafty last night so I couldn't stalk you to see if there were any updates on the crater crisis/hotty pediatrician event.

Oh, and wearing the cheeky jeans in front of the hotty + hubby? Dude, it's not like BOTH of them aren't going to get something from the event!! ;)

You are brave for having a "be rude to beth day," as I think if I tried to do that I would start to quiver and cry when the first person said something (potentially true, like) "You smell." And then I would go take a shower, because, well, I haven't quite gotten there yet today. ; )

Happy! Friday to you.

Perhaps Hotty Pediatrician wasn't alone on his vacation, and never left the hotel room? I know, I know, it wouldn't be right, but he has to do something to pretend to get over you.

I will not change to firefox...I'm too lazy ;P

Perhaps hotty pediatrician took two weeks off to scour your blog. :O

What, you're not even going to tell us who was rude to you so the internet can gang up and virtually beat him/her to a pulp?

Bummer...I was in the mood for a little virtual pounding.

Clearly I'm missing something with the family doc we see. He's not hot at all. BUT he's super cool about selected/delayed vax and doesn't hand out antibiotics like they're candy and is all pro-homebirthing, so I guess I'm still making the right choice.

I bet though, that if we had a Hotty Pediatrician in our lives I'd be much more likely to take the kids in for stuff. So technically, I'm saving money.

Clearly I'm thinking this through WAY TO HARD.

Wow, sorry I missed the day! Let me know when the next one rolls around - I can be a real bitch!

No tan? That's tragic. Since he's a doctor, he's probably just really health-conscious and doesn't want to get skin cancer. That's pretty noble, you know, for him to be thinking about your future together like that.

Sorry i missed the be rude to you day. Considering my Jersey roots and my natural talent for being rude, I think i could have done some damage. I suppose I could start a berudetobeth2 website to compete with the original. Alas, my time is stretched thin as it is, which is why I have trouble keep up with quality blogs....and yours too. ;)

Damn, I missed International Be Rude to Beth Day too. Of course that could be interpreted as an excuse to be rude to me as well, so I suppose that's a good thing.

I do have a question for you though - why won't your comments section remember my personal info even though I ask it to (very nicely, I might add)?

You are such a nut! I love your blog! and if you can earn a mere pittance from having those annoying ads on your blog then you just "Go Girl" :)
Love ya, GO COLTS!!

You always crack me up.

Sure "bed" was a typo! I'm with you on the hotty Dr. thing though. I go to hotty dentist and so do my kids. That means, unless I do something responsible like schedule us all for the same day I can see hotty dentist 6 times a year! : )

I have decided I need to come and visit the next time you go to see Hottie Pediatrician. I'm in such a rut, and I need to spice up my life!

Dammit! Did I miss an opportunity to be terribly rude to someone with no strings attached? Fuckers never tell me anything.

Lola x

I missed "NBRTBD". I would have tried my hardest to be rude if only I had known. On the flipside...there's nothing cuter than naked bathtub shots, but only if you're a baby (Or George Clooney).

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So the Fish Said...

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