Last week, I got a new vacuum cleaner as the old one had developed the persistent habit of blowing more dirt out the top than it sucked in the bottom. Since then, I just can't stop vacuuming. When Chris gets home from work these days, there's no "hi, honey," no "nice to see you," no "how was your day?" oh no. When Chris gets home from work I say "Hi, want to see something really gross?" And he says, "Not particularly." And then I say "Oh yes you do, just look at all the dirt I vacuumed out of the stairs today!" And then Chris says, "Yes dear, that's thrilling. Maybe you should try to get out a little more?"
It's becoming a sickness. This weekend, I vacuumed our mattress. It was a mixed bag, really. On the one hand, it was wholly unsatisfying because I hardly got anything out of it and didn't have anything gross to show Chris. On the other hand, hooray for not sleeping on a totally filthy mattress, you know? Anyway, today I vacuumed my furniture, and for those few of you reading this who have sat on my furniture lately I'm sorry, I had no idea. The super exciting thing about my new vacuum is that the hand attachment thingy has a brush thingy that spins around thingy. Have you seen these thingys? Why didn't anybody tell me about these thingys? Nearly a year after both cats died I finally got the cat hair off of my furniture.
Shit, I can't believe I just wrote an entire post about my vacuum cleaner. I promise to make up for it tomorrow by slipping "cocksuckers" in as often as possible. (I may have been watching a little too much Deadwood lately, cocksuckers.)