This is gross. Don't ever say I didn't warn you.
Sometimes, after Mia has finished eating and I have cleaned her up as best I can (child refuses to wear a bib, don't you know, I mean tears and terror refuses) I will find a little scrap of shredded cheese or a cheerio or half a slice of pear adhering somewhere to her clothing. And sometimes, if the meal was very recent and the item in question fairly pristine and I am in the middle of a rousing game of buckle and far from the sink or trash can I just... well... sometimes I just grab whatever it is and eat it. Just to be expeditious, you understand, and so as not to upset my moody toddler by OH MY GOD LEAVING THE ROOM MUST SCREAM AND SPOUT TEARS THAT ACTUALLY FLY FROM THE SIDE OF MY FACE LIKE IN SOME CARTOON, which sometimes gets Mia a little cranky. Yeah, it's little gross, but not nearly as gross as a poopy diaper explosion, which we had yesterday for the first time in probably a year and boy howdy, I had forgotten how much fun it is to get a squirmy kid out of a poopy onesie without getting poop in her hair. Good times, good times.
Anyway, yesterday, right after lunch, Mia was playing in the living room and eating grapes while I cleaned up the kitchen, and when I went out to join her I noticed that she had a skinless bit of grape stuck to her shirt, so I went to grab it and yes, most likely to just eat it as well because, as we have established, I'm nasty like that. And then realized just in the very nick of time before my fingers made contact and began the automatic journey to my mouth that I may or may not have been able to stop in time that it was not, in truth, a bit of grape. Oh no, it was a big, post-sneeze glob of snot.
Oh yeah, I'm hott. You want me.
Comments (39)
You're not tempted to eat the poopy diaper explosion just because it's fresh, are you? I mean, freshness isn't always the deciding factor, right?
There- I think that out-grosses eating the boogers of others.
(And I'd still totally make out with you.)
Posted by heels | March 28, 2007 1:39 PM
Hahahahah @ heels. I was thinking when I read your post that I hope the "grape" on her shirt wasn't in fact a big piece of the poop from the poop diaper blowout 2007. Now that would have been GROSS! We have yet to have a diaper blowout *knocking on wood*....just some really stinky diapers since I introduced solids last month!!!!
And yes, totally hot!
Posted by Lesley | March 28, 2007 2:05 PM
Ha! That's hilarious. Good thing your "this is not food" radar kicked in. My kid tosses so much food during any given meal that our dog is getting fat.
Posted by Holmes | March 28, 2007 2:11 PM
Oh ewwwwww ewwwww ewwwww - but *LOL* I'm glad your brain was faster than your reflexes.
You're like, Totally Hott
Posted by Jhianna | March 28, 2007 2:20 PM
Wow, I learn something new everyday! I'll add that one to the list.
-Eat food off childrens clothing to save time, energy and tears
Got it! And yes! Total. Hotness.
Posted by Suzy | March 28, 2007 2:24 PM
I have a very weak stomach and think I may throw up now. Next time you say something is gross I am beleiving you and not reading it. Off to vomit.
Posted by jodi | March 28, 2007 2:28 PM
I'm the same way. Though, I am grossed out by the thought of accidentally eating snot. Maybe I'll quit that.
Posted by Karly | March 28, 2007 2:40 PM
That's okay. I think that snacking on whatever my son has rejected as leftover on his plate is the thing that is preventing any further forward progress on my diet.
Stealing the occasional bite off my husband's plate was one thing. Downing my son's half-eaten mangled leftovers has taken me to new lows of depravity.
Posted by Robbin | March 28, 2007 2:43 PM
Oh oh oh. Yuck. Why didn't I stop at "this is gross"? You tried to warn me. Yuck.
Posted by Nichole | March 28, 2007 2:44 PM
Haha!! Love it.
Here's one....my son projectile vomited on me right before his nap 2 hours ago. We're talking a six-ouncer on me from head to toe. And all I did? Well, I changed my clothes and pulled my vomited in hair up in a pony tail and I haven't washed it yet.
Oh yeah, I bet my husband can't wait to get home to my hotness!
Posted by Dooneybug | March 28, 2007 2:51 PM
Guilty..I admit it...been there, done that. But I feel a whole lot better knowing I'm not alone! All except for the booger thing...lol
Posted by Felicia | March 28, 2007 3:01 PM
Excuse me while I continue gagging!!!
Posted by FENICLE | March 28, 2007 3:13 PM
I'm glad you didn't eat the snot, Beth. I think that might have crossed some line that exists between practical and disgustingly lazy. The dance, it is a magical one.
Posted by Brad | March 28, 2007 3:14 PM
I nearly peed my pants reading this one.
Posted by Maria | March 28, 2007 3:55 PM
Okay, yeah, that did gross me out a little bit, the booger part, but not the food part. But I'll still be back tomorrow for more. :)
Posted by Jen | March 28, 2007 4:27 PM
May I recommend that the juicy bit of leftover whatever go into the *child's* mouth? That's how we handle it in my home. That way, if any accidental boogers get consumed, it wouldn't be the last for the child who will one day (week, month, year) pick her/his nose and eat away.
Hilarious!
Posted by ckirby50 | March 28, 2007 4:27 PM
Nothing is hotter than a blowout.
Posted by Full Feed Adam | March 28, 2007 4:37 PM
I am 11 weeks pregnant and still a little queasy. I haven't actually thrown up from my morning sickness yet, but this almost put me over the edge! Ew!
Posted by Melanie | March 28, 2007 4:46 PM
I was so very afraid that story was going to end up with the grape skin being a 'recycled' product somehow escaped from her diaper.
So actually psyched it was just snot.
Posted by anne nahm | March 28, 2007 6:37 PM
This is why I don't eat grapes.
The VERY reason.
Posted by Samantha Jo Campen | March 28, 2007 7:37 PM
I will be reminded to check things out very carefully should I ever eat dinner at your house! LOL!!
That was funny and gave me a good laugh.
Posted by Maribeth | March 28, 2007 8:06 PM
Okay, so that's pretty gross. I'd still totally make out with you though :P
Posted by Heather | March 28, 2007 8:07 PM
whoa...I am so glad it was just snot and not remnants of the poopy diaper explosion. You still are totally hott!
Posted by linda | March 28, 2007 11:08 PM
I am guilty of this myself but I do a quality check before consuming. Glad it worked out for you.
Posted by Annie | March 28, 2007 11:25 PM
Oh crap! I wipedone of those on my pants today thinking it would be come one with the corderoy until I could shuck them off and toss them in the dryer. No such luck. This little bit stayed wet and sticky and stuck to my hand no less than eight times before I finally held my hands under scalding water. Damn the baby snot. But to have almost eaten it, I still have nasty chills. Too close for comfort indeed.
Posted by amanda | March 29, 2007 12:09 AM
I know you hate memes, but this is a classic for the 'Real Moms' meme that's going around.
oh and BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!
(and clearly melanie is pregnant with her first child. just wait, melanie.)
Posted by kgirl | March 29, 2007 8:37 AM
wow that was gross. One of the many reasons I love you Beth is you aren't afraid to lay it all out there. Way back when I was still nursing I had some yogurt during one nursing session, a little later something caught my eye on my shirt. I saw what I thought was a yogurt drop so I licked it up. Turns out it was breast milk spit up. lovely.
Posted by Cynthia | March 29, 2007 9:10 AM
Kiss me.
Posted by Pammer | March 29, 2007 9:38 AM
yummm, grape flavored boogies. my favorite.
Posted by nikki | March 29, 2007 9:59 AM
Another very helpful piece of advice for my future child-rearing..make sure the item in question is food. I learn so much here :-)
Posted by Diane | March 29, 2007 10:05 AM
MMmmmm toddler snot!
Can I come over for dinner?
Posted by Tasha | March 29, 2007 10:07 AM
i fear that someone might revoke my mommy license.
ALL of my mommy friends eat their children's snotty, wet, chewed-up leftovers...but i can't. i just can't.
Posted by ali | March 29, 2007 10:09 AM
How wonderfully animalistic of you. Nothing could be more beautiful, really, than the natural tendency of a mother to find the best way to care for her child. It's not gross at all, and probably good for your immune system!
Posted by Josephine | March 29, 2007 10:09 AM
I'll have you know, that even with 3 kids, I have never done that. (at least not that I'm admitting to.)
Yeah, hott...
Posted by Karen | March 29, 2007 10:57 AM
Yucky!!!
Posted by Nadine | March 29, 2007 2:05 PM
No word of a lie, I am eating green grapes right now. I think I may have to give them up of a while.
You are totally hott...
Posted by Kari | March 29, 2007 3:23 PM
We all do it. (Eat food off the babies.) Or at least I do, and don't particularly care if that makes me odd. I'll have to inspect things more carefully from now on though. Thanks for the warning!
Posted by Marcia | March 29, 2007 5:01 PM
y'all need some dogs over there, mama! They'll clean that kid right up. :)
Posted by shannon | March 29, 2007 6:26 PM
Geez, would you stop making motherhood look so freaking glamorous already?
Posted by angela | March 31, 2007 12:08 PM