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Monster Cookies

Before moving on to today's regularly-scheduled post, I feel I must mention that Mia jumped yesterday. Actual jumping with empty space under both kissable little toddler feet at the same time. It was very exciting. It was so exciting that she ran over to the oven so she could watch herself do it in the reflection from the oven door and fell flat on her face. We tried not to laugh. Too much.

Moving on, I've been slacking on the diet lately. I know, shut up. Yesterday was going to be the day that I rededicated myself to my diet in order to achieve maximum MILFosity in time for our beach trip in May. But then the washer overflowed and I spent three hours dealing with the flood in the basement and bailing out the washing machine (twice, because I am an idiot and decided to refill it to see if the same thing happened again, which, yes) and moving the huge heavy shelves out of the laundry room so I could mop underneath them and lo, it did sucketh.

After that I spent a few minutes looking at the price of new washing machines, and that's when the stress got to me and I broke down and ate a Cadbury Egg. Or four. And not those stupid mini eggs either, oh no, not for me. So I guess today is the day I rededicate myself to my diet.

However, I hate dieting and have therefore decided that rather than working to make myself skinnier I am instead going to dedicate myself to making the rest of you fatter so that I will seem skinnier by comparison. To that end, I am giving you the best cookie recipe of all time, ever. I already sent this to Swistle, but she's thirty-something weeks pregnant so making her fatter is not much of a challenge. Now, it is your turn. Time to chubby up, people! I have to be seen in public in a bathing suit in less than two months, so you all need to start packing on the pounds pronto.

Grandma Lucille's Monster Cookies

3 eggs
1 stick margarine, softened
1 c sugar
1 c brown sugar
1 1/2 c peanut butter
1 teaspoon Karo
4 1/2 c oatmeal (quick cooking)
2 t baking soda
6 oz chocolate chips

Stir sugars 1 c at a time into softened margarine, add eggs and beat, add peanut butter, Karo, and chocolate chips. Beat well. Add oatmeal a cup at a time, mix well until all oatmeal is added. Batter will be very stiff. Place on cookie sheet by the teaspoonful. Press 2-3 M&Ms on top of each cookie. Bake at 350 for 15 minutes.

None of that pesky flour in this recipe, it's really just a waste of valuable cookie space anyway. The peanut butter is easy to get out of measuring cups if you spray the cup with cooking spray first.

Comments (28)

No need to worry about me. I was already shoveling in a butterfinger egg as I was reading. You're welcome.

Nina just jumped for the first time yesterday too!

That recipe sounds wonderful, I may just try it.

Also, does he really think he's getting anything, let alone a trout, after that diet conversation?

MMM! I shall be making these soon. They sound very yummy!

Good luck with the diet! I would offer you a fast way to achieve MILFosity, but it requires eating meat, but damn does it work miracles! I kid you not, 14 lbs in 18 days!

Oh holy yum. And I just finished the first day of my rededication to the Atkins Diet (and lost 3.5 pounds yesterday, that brings my total up to 22 pounds lost since January, thank you for hating me). So I totally did not need to read about those cookies that sound amazingly delicious.

I'm gonna go, um, eat some bacon. mk

OMG!!! karo, M&Ms AND chocolate chips???? What have you done to us??

Only 2-3 M&Ms on top of each cookie?! When I've made 'em, I've dumped the whole bag of M&Ms into the cookie dough, so about half of each cookie should be made up of chocolate chips and M&Ms.

And the best part about these cookies? They can be considered a somewhat healthy breakfast food - look at all the oatmeal in them! :)

And here I thought you liked us! Yum..oh how I love to're forgiven.

I pledge to do my part to make you look thinner by comparison. I have all the ingredients for these cookies except the M&Ms, which for some reason keep disappearing before I can get out the mixing bowl. I'm planning to use at LEAST six on each cookie, unless I don't have that many by the time I get to that point.

Wow, I have got to make those cookies! They sound awesome.

Gluten-free cookies (essentially)? Thank you!!

and here I am chowing down on a hamburger, potato salad, and I have a bag of cadberry eggs to eat... and I still find myself compelled to make and eat all these cookies...

then again, it's not quite fair when I'm 18 weeks pregnant and TRYING to gain a freakin' pound

Those are my kinda diet cookies!

Those sound really evil. just reading the ingredients I gained several pounds and extra inches on my ass... thanks!

Oh, and check you out getting all Martha on us... "The peanut butter is easy to get out of measuring cups if you spray the cup with cooking spray first." I can get it out just fine with my finger, thank you.

Dammit! Those sound really good.

you are one sneaky, evil bi-otch ...

If you really want to fatten someone up, introduce them to these little lovelies. I have eaten an entire 13x9 cake in one sitting. No "could" about it. And you can taste the calories. But they taste so good! Better than girl scout cookies, even!

I fell off sometime last month. I'll give you the same reprieve I gave myself. You have untill after my birthday weekend to do what every you want but starting Monday the 23rd it's back to the diet!!!

And that recipe looks good!

ummm... Karo that's like corn syrup right?

I'm already fat enough to make you seem quite skinny in comparison, thank you very much! I've also been doing 30 minutes on the treadmill, working out with weights and done a bazillion crunches on the stupid AbL*unge AND have cut my Dr. Pepper consumption in half and the scale hasn't budged! I think I'll make the cookies and see if I can't fatten up the people around me. I like that

Damn! How am I supposed to lose this baby weight with yummy sounding recipes like that? My son will be a year old in June and I still have 16 pounds to go!

See you on the beach. I'll be the fat one wrapped in her towel.

Okay my aunt makes these cookies every Christmas and they are my favorite! We also dump the whole bag of M&M's into the batter, it's better that way you get them in every bite. Also just so we can all be just a bit fatter I like to add butterscotch chips as well, now that is EVIL!!!!

It's even easier when you're working with something like peanut butter of solid shortening to use the liquid method.

If you need 1/2 C of peanut butter, fill the measuring cup with 1/2 C of water and then add the peanut butter until the water lever reaches 1 Cup.

Those cookies sound awesome. I should send you my recipe for cream cheese chocolate cookies. We can both pack on a few more pounds.

what the heck is Karo??

You are evil. But you already knew this!

Oh, it is so very exciting when they actually jump and get air rather than bop their knees! I remember feeling the joy when the bunny did that for the first time!

Printing the recipe as I type. We have a play date coming over this afternoon, it is pouring down rain, and I just decided we will make these cookies!

A cookie recipe and a saved play date! How could I not help you look great on the beach?

Just reading this recipe makes me feel fat.

Cadbury Eggs, YUM. Oh, did you know that the calories in those don't count after Easter is over? Yep, it's been scientifically proven that after the holiday is over, all calories in holiday candy spontaneously combust. So you're fine!

I made these yesterday. They were really good! Thanks for the recipe!

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So the Fish Said...

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I want to get a pet duck and keep it in the bathtub.
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