Chris: Are you still dieting?
Me: I've been slacking lately, but planning to go back hardcore on Monday to get ready for the beach.
Chris: Cool. Have you kept the weight off?
Me: Yeah, seven pounds!
Chris: I thought you had lost ten.
Me: Nope [you jackass], just seven [cocksucker].
Chris: Oh.
Me: [Waiting expectantly for "well you look good" or "seven is great" or "nice ass."]
Chris: [Silence.]
So, what? I'm thinking no sex for a week? Two?




Comments (24)
Punishment depends in part on the intent of his original question. If he was saying it because he had a big bag of something delicious and wanted to know if it would be okay to surprise you with it, then his only crime is in his follow-ups, and one week sounds adequate. If he brought up the topic for pretty much any other reason, two weeks. If he brought up the topic while you were eating a non-diet food, as if to remind you of what you should be doing, indefinite suspension of privileges.
Posted by Swistle | April 7, 2007 8:34 AM
DENY HIS ASSS!!!
Posted by Aurelia | April 7, 2007 8:44 AM
A week? That's like every week around here. I'd say a month, or two.
Posted by jodi | April 7, 2007 8:58 AM
A week seems like cruel and unusal punishment.
Posted by Frank | April 7, 2007 9:16 AM
I don't deny the sex because then I'm just hurting myself as well.....if it were me, because I'm mean like this...ahahha - in a couple of days casually mention his love handles or weight gain...even if there is none....men are just as self conscious as woman about weight.
Posted by Lesley | April 7, 2007 10:28 AM
I say one week for each pound he was off, so three weeks.
Posted by Shelly | April 7, 2007 10:45 AM
*Bear suddenly realizes why he hasn't had sex since, like, 2002*
oops.
Posted by ben | April 7, 2007 10:46 AM
I would mention that thinning spot on the back of his head (the spot that he can't see even with a mirror)...even if his hair is NOT thinning! That'll teach 'em.
Especially since you can always shed more weight but fleeting hair is not so easy to UNSHED.
Posted by christina | April 7, 2007 11:09 AM
I'm thinking 10 days for that "I though you had lost 10" comment. Sounds fair.
Posted by Felicia | April 7, 2007 12:45 PM
At least a week!
(In other news, I added you to my Myspace. I feel like I'm 15 again!)
Posted by Stephanie | April 7, 2007 12:56 PM
No sex for a week and definitely throw in a comment about his "bald spot" or "starting to receed" hairline!
I made one tiny comment about my husbands eyebrows and he spent 3 days checking them in the mirror/plucking and trimming!
I found it humorous! haha
Posted by Suz | April 7, 2007 1:40 PM
Ooh Chris is so in the doghouse!! Boys are just so dense sometimes :P
Posted by Heather | April 7, 2007 2:04 PM
I thought men knew not to mention weight unless there is a really good compliment behind it. When will he learn?
Posted by angela | April 7, 2007 4:45 PM
Yeah at least a week, and after that, make him beg!
Posted by Maribeth | April 7, 2007 5:04 PM
I'm just glad mine isn't the only husband who is such an ass at times. Guess I can quit the "suspension of priviledges" at my house :)
Posted by Em | April 7, 2007 5:40 PM
What an ASS. I mean, I like Chris and all but that's rude.
Posted by Sparkle Pants | April 8, 2007 11:30 AM
Maybe he meant it as "Wow, well you LOOK ten pounds smaller, I never would have guessed!"
I find life is easier if I interpret it to my advantage.
Posted by OrangePeacock | April 9, 2007 3:08 AM
Nice ass!
I vote for three weeks.
Posted by Maria | April 9, 2007 4:03 AM
To be fair, perhaps he thinks you look so good you maust have lost 10 pounds. And you do look nice and skinny in your Easter photo. :)
Posted by bad penguin | April 9, 2007 10:00 AM
You guys have sex every week? Live it up, you silly 1-kid parents! ;)
Posted by Brad | April 9, 2007 10:59 AM
You know I read Chris and I think what a awesome guy, loving dad, good husband.........then I read this and I remember one very important thing.
He's a man.
I think you should pleasure yourself for the next ten days in FRONT of him while looking at a picture of Clive Owen and tell him NO touching.
Posted by Michele | April 9, 2007 12:07 PM
Hee -- you said cocksucker again! Hee! And, men have NO CLUE when it comes to weight....cocksuckers! ;) I say no sex at least until he tells you how awesome you look and that "you never needed to diet in the first place," or something sensitive like that. ;)
Posted by Haley-O | April 9, 2007 10:18 PM
Yeah, well MY husband said to me a few weeks ago: "You're squishy in all the right places." Meaning, he told me afterwards, that I'm curvy where it counts.
Yeah right. Nice try pal.
So I say Bryan and Chris should be stranded together on an island somewhere until they can write poetry about how skinny we are. Sound good?
Posted by Samantha Jo Campen | April 9, 2007 11:05 PM
sexercise - make him help you with the loss of those three pounds.
Posted by Hannita | April 9, 2007 11:43 PM