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Scenes from Mommytown

My kid knocks my socks off. Yesterday, she was sitting at the coffee table in the living room pretending to eat her lunch, and she kept saying "Uh-oh pee, uh-oh pee." I was looking for the puddle on the floor when I spotted the P from her alphabet puzzle. Uh-oh P. My kid knows P. I have no idea how she knows P. Or M, or T, or U or Z, she just does.

Last night, as we were getting her into her pajamas, she started doing somersaults all on her own. Over and over, she finally just got it and can't seem to stop. She's off doing that right now and cheering for herself, "Yay Mia!" And then "Yay Hee-ooh (Eeyore)" and "Yay Pooh" as she helps them through their own forward rolls.

But see, last night I had a dream that I just can't shake. Don't worry, I'm not going to tell you about it because oh my god that's boring, but basically Mia was some sort of demon zombie toddler bent on my destruction and I hurt her in self-defense. I was wracked with guilt in the dream and when I woke up and was unable to go back to sleep because I needed the time to chastise myself for even letting the thought of injuring my child enter my mind and I still feel like a horrible mother, a failure, some sort of deeply damaged person unworthy to mother this amazing child because the mere idea somehow crept into my subconscious. But the truth is, if Mia really were a demon zombie toddler bent on my destruction, I would just lie down on the rug and let her eat my brains. What other choice is there, really? I mean, she can do a somersault and knows P. I am powerless to resist.

It's the agony of parenting, and the beauty, isn't it? I would lie down and die for this kid, were it required, and feel it was a life well-spent.

Comments (26)

I feel the same way about my boys. There isn't one thing I wouldn't do to keep them safe and happy. Even if they were demon zombies.

Yay Mia for learning the alphabet. Wait until she knocks you over by reciting the Pledge of Allegiance, even though you've never taught it to her... It happened to me :-)

I've had horrible dreams about something happening to one of the girls but I don't believe that means on some level I want it to happen.

I may be in the minority but I think dreams are just dreams and a good thing too.

Last night I dreamed the police were looking for me for a murder I committed 40 years ago. (No, I didn't.) I think I've been watching too much Cold Case.

love it: 'let her eat my brains'

if I let my son do that, he'd walk away hungry saying 'oy yaaah'. I don't think it means anything but he keeps repeating it.

I thought they only wanted to eat your brains if you got them wet...

My kid still can't do a somersault. She's 3 and a half. She did one on accident once, but that was a long time ago. She has no interest in learning. She's weird. Who wouldn't be fascinated with somersaults?

Wow, a somersault. Impressive! I can't even spell the word. (I had to refer above.)
It sounds like she knows not just "P," but the four letters before as well. "Uh-oh" sounds a lot like "L-M-N-O."

Y'know, far be it from me to exploit your guilt for my own entertainment, but if you were REALLY a loving mother, you would go out, kill people, and drag their corpses back for your daughter's enjoyment. Offering yourself to your toddler- zombie would limit her ability to find her next meal. I mean, seriously...she's just a toddler. Do you really expect her to be able to wander around killing people on her own? God, Beth. What kind of parent isn't willing to kill for their undead zombie-child?

I am amazed every single day at what my two can do. My son did that with learning the words of things, one day while looking at a book with all kinds of household things in it, we asked "where's the..." and he knew all of them. He couldn't talk, but he knew everything. These kids are amazing.

Just pick up a copy of this and you'll be fine:

"The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead"

I'm not even a mom but there are two children in my life I would let eat my brains if they were zombies because I love them that much, too. It's weird what kids can do to us!

You know, I've actually thought about this before and I decided that were one of my children the Antichrist I would just help them take down humanity. I mean, I support them in whatever they choose to do. I am a mother.

Really? Motherhood is about helping your zombie child devour the world?

I am going to be so good at this!

Sacrificing yourself for your kid? Oh yeah, that's called "the best thing a human can do" I believe.

You've got it all figured out Beth. Once you realize that you would die for your kid, all hope is lost!

This post made me cry. It's so freaking sweet. The image of Mia eating your brain really got me choked up. Seriously. My baby, as in my youngest child, turned 18 yesterday. As in 18 years old, as in 216 months old, as in I am legally absolved of all responsibility for her. But I'd still lie down and let her eat my brains, too.

Sounds like Mia is on a roll. Funny how things always seem to click all at once.

Sorry about the dream. Perhaps it's stress related?

Yep, I agree. What is more important than our kids and I would gladly do the same.

That sounds like a purely terrifying dream in so many ways! Yikes!
And that whole demon zombie thing will likely come into play when she's a teenager, and you can remember how you feel right now ;-)

I thought you were going to post she is potty trained! With the p-words :)

I would think brains would have some nutritional value too.

Somersaults AND knows P already? She's a genius far beyond her years, obviously.

You see, this is why I refuse to watch zombie movies.

What Sam said.

If Mia was a demon zombie toddler, I'd let her eat my brains. She's that cute.

I feel the same about my boys. It's amazing and kinda scary all at the same time.

Completely off-topic:

The sigh at the beginning of Hallelujah? Apparently it is an "exhale".

At least according to this:,,2085629,00.html

The reissued one that still chills: Hallelujah, Jeff Buckley

Even when he was alive, Hallelujah sounded like Jeff Buckley was singing from beyond the grave. From the moment you first hear him softly exhale and slip into tenderly strumming his guitar, his version of the Leonard Cohen track is haunting, and capable of reducing certain listeners to tears. Now, ten years on from Buckley's death, Hallelujah is being re-released is commemorate the anniversary.

And I think that's just the way it should be!

I'm the same way....I'd do anything for this little monkey. ANYTHING. It's such a huge love. Such an infinite, wonderful, and beautiful-agonizing love.

Well put. I know everyone always says how much you're gonna love your kid...but that you won't understand until you have one. I used to hate hearing that.

But dude-it's SO true!

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So the Fish Said...

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