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I'm not doing any work today. I mean yes, I already went to the grocery store and cleaned the playroom and the living room and rearranged the furniture in the living room (again, which is hysterical since there is really only one way everything fits) and of course I'm changing diapers and serving as Chef to the Toddler Stars and will unload the dishwasher and make dinner. Um, I guess what I mean is that I'm not doing yard work or scraping the goddamned sheet vinyl off the downstairs bathroom floor (which is going to take the rest of my natural life to complete) and that has me very happy, very happy indeed.

Oh, and I'm also editing a video of Mia to post tomorrow, which you are all going to want to see, so you should definitely come back tomorrow and check it out.

Anyway, y'all? Let's all get drunk on cheap wine and bum cigarettes off of cute boys and try not to cough when we light up because it's been years but we are trying to look cool and then go back to my house and eat cold chili and leftover chinese out of the fridge, because I love you, man! I was a little nervous about yesterday's post because I thought maybe everybody would be all "dude, I suck and I'm fat and I hate my hair and I'm so boring and I'm, like, maybe a three." And instead, you were all (most of you anyway) "dude, I so totally rock that it isn't even funny, and I'm fabulous and my ass is smokin' in these pants and I'm at least an 8.92736." (Aside, what is with you people and the taking it to four decimal places? This is the 1-10 Hotty Scale, not rocket science.) (And anyway, if it was rocket science we'd probably have to convert the whole thing to metric anyway and do it in terms of, I dunno, milliliters or something, and that would ruin all the fun.) (So lighten up!) (I kid, I kid because I love.)

And I also love how so many of you told me about the non-physical things that make you attractive people rather than just the physical things, because you can have the beautiful people all to yourself, I'll take smart and funny any day of the week.

So anyway, you guys rock and I love it and I love knowing that the whole world doesn't have a raging self-esteem thing and that it is basically just me and you three over there in the back, but that's cool because we can totally get together and bond over some booze and let the fabulous people go right along being fabulous while we truly love them but also don't really understand how they do that. Except that I really honest to god think I am almost entirely over my self-esteem thing, mostly by virtue of being too old to give a damn anymore, but then when you were all going on about being so amazing I started thinking that I was being too hard on myself. And I kept glancing at the piece of paper where I had written my number down - yes indeed, I really did so I could force myself not to change it - and thinking maybe I should just get the pen again and change it to an 8 or something, just to go with the flow.

But, I didn't do it. I gave myself a six. Maybe a bit higher once I get to know you and stop acting like I'm competing in the Asshole Olympics, although to be honest I think I'm always basically an asshole and it's just that once I get to know you I can take the edge off a little and then I'm an endearing asshole instead of an asshole asshole. And you know, I'm happy with a six. It's better than average with room for improvement, and I think that's pretty good.

ETA: Hey, cut it out. I mean thank you, and you are very kind, but I didn't argue with you about your chosen number, so chill. I have a husband I can force to say nice things to me, you are all off the hook.

Oh, off the hook in the conventional sense. I only recently learned that it means something else too. Which, wait, sort of applies here. Let me amend my statement to reflect that you are all off the hook and off the hook.

Comments (19)

A six? You gave yourself a six? You're at least a nine! I can give you a million reasons for that. For one, your our one of the best mothers I know. For that alone you should get a 10. And it's not a coicidence Mia is such a beautiful child. I'm not saying Chris didn't have anything to do with that, but look in the mirror: you're gorgeous!

Now, I'll stop sticking feathers... but you're too intelligent and nice and funny to give yourself a six. There. I think you meant to say a 16.

6 - 10, what's the difference.
I'll have a merlot in a crystal goblet, please.
oh, and in case I don't get back in time, Happy Mother's day.

Does that numbering system have an age clause?

You're more than a six for the following reasons:

You're intelligent
You're witty
You can write well-formed sentences with the correct punctuation in the appropriate places (so hott)
You're an endearing asshole
I've seen're a MILF
You manufacture cute kids (I know, Chris was involved blah blah blah whatever)
You're a nine, but you think you're a six, which is endearing. Asshole.

Yeah. So put THAT in your pipe and smoke it.

You so more thana 6!

And sorry I missed the fun and games yesterday. Been dealing w/ the massive argument my in-laws caused, and that has taken up all my blogging time.

I do know what I'd give myself, maybe a 5?

Can we still go out drinking?

You are at least a 9. And that is without brushing your hair.

But still - we're doing the drinking and bumming cigarette thing, right?

A six is good, but I think you lowballed yourself. But, eh, that's your opinion. I was going to do this yesterday, but I wanted to think about it for a bit and then I got busy and forgot and oops.

I WISH I had your day!
Instead, I got Chris's!

I would have scored you a 9! You're way better than a 6

I hate the fact that the female sex is always judged on our looks before anything else. That being said, I almost didn't answer this question yesterday. But, the answers were interesting and diverse.

What makes us who we are isn't just our looks. It's the whole package.

Happy Mother's Day to everyone!!

Dude! You are WAY higher than a six. WAY.

Oh please, now your just being a modest asshole! Nothing wrong with being an asshole, I do it all the time, but don't be modest. You are way more than a six! I mean just the mom factor alone makes you way up there on the scale. Chris is a good looking guy and all but, there is no way he is soley responsible for all the cutness that is Mia. Then add to that your bright, funny, and you can laugh at yourself and you have yourself a 10. You can't argue with the facts my dear.

Witty...+3, sassy...+4, self deprecating...-2, smokin' ass...+4, cheap wine drinker...-1, kick ass mommy to Mia...+5...just plain awesome...+10. Add that up and that's a...23. Oh, wait, I screwed up somewhere.

You're a 10, fo' sho'!

You would be a six if you were in a coma. Since you are NOT in a coma, (you are a vibrant, dynamic uber mom) I'd say you're easily a 10. But since you voluntarily put yourself in a coma state (taking sunshine from our lives), I'm taking a point from you. You are a 9. It has been decreed.

Dude. I like decimals, gimme a break. And that, coincidentally, was part of what brought down the hottie factor in my scoring. So nyah ;-P

You must have already been drinking that cheap wine to only give yourself a 6. With what we "internet friends" know about you and what a fantastic mother you are, you know you deserve higher! Can I still come over for cold chili and wine?

I missed that post and I don't know where on the scale I'd fit. I do know that you're far too modest.

Happy Mother's Day and have a good weekend.

Oh, you could see me here way back in the back? One of the three shrinking in embarassment with my "I'm maybe a five? On a good day?" self esteem issues? Ugh. I thought sitting way back here, no one would notice.

I avoided answering yesterday's question because, why yes, I have issues. Interestingly enough (okay, interesting only to me), I was looking at my wedding pics yesterday thinking, "My god! Look at me! How cute was I?!" Keeping in mind that at the time I thought I was some hideous fat slob.

So - I'm glad you have enough rockin' readers to balance me out. I'll get there.

i'm right there in the back. one of those self-esteen-issue-ers :)

i gave myself a 5, remember??!!

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So the Fish Said...

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