so the fish said...
  home links archives about contact

« Mia Monday #73: Mia Meets Payton Edition | Main | Knob »

Hell

First, I'm going to give up trying to respond to comments for a week or so. I'm avoiding posting because I don't have time to answer comments, and that sucks, so I quit. Hope you will forgive me and love me anyway.

Second, on the way to the playground today with Mia, her doll stroller, and Lucy, I was accosted by Mormon missionaries. My usual approach to Mormon missionaries is to be polite while offering no encouragement whatsoever until they take the hint and go away of their own accord. Admittedly, that has never worked, so I always end up moving on to Plan B, which is to proposition them and giggle a bit as they run away in terror.

Today's missionaries, however, were women, so I didn't quite have the heart to proposition them. Instead I just kept walking towards the playground acting absorbed with Mia and hoping they would go away, which naturally they did not. I finally offered to accept one of their pamphlets in exchange for their absence. It worked.

The pamphlet was titled something about Family Whatever and began with the usual screed about how marriage should be between one man and one woman, blah blah bigotpants, and then went on about how sinful it is to have children out of wedlock and then to how men are providers and the primary role of women is to nurture children. I was having myself a bit of a giggle, because I love marriage and child-rearing lectures delivered by a couple of eighteen-year olds, but then I realized something. I was out trolling the neighborhood with a toddler and without benefit of a wedding ring (I've been painting a lot lately and haven't been wearing it). No wonder I couldn't shake those two, they thought they'd hit the mother lode.

So sorry, ladies, I may well be going to hell, but not for the reasons you think.

Comments (26)

Ugh, missionaries make me exceptionally uncomfortable. I guess I should just try propositioning them next time.

I have no readers of my blog..send em my way Beth! Ill comment for the both of us! And I still love you...you arent a true harlot without a wedding ring on :P It is quite sad that some people treat religion as being biased and judgemental of people. My husband answered the door naked for our "Witnesses" They havent been back.

We'll forgive you for not responding to comments. I'm still surprised when I get a response to any comment. It's just so nice. But with how many comments you get all the time... and on both sites... I don't know how you would find the time for anythng else!!!

I try hard to respond to my comments, but heck I am only one woman and I admit I fail quite miserably at times.

Heh, heh. Heathen.

Hahaha! Of course we'll forgive you for not responding to comments. But what I wanna know is which house you choose! You'll just have to write a blog entry about that.

We'll forgive you and love you anyway.

I never wear my wedding ring. I just say "No thank you" several times and they usually go away. For awhile, my husband received regular Saturday visits because he told them on the first visit that he didn't believe in God. :-)

You should have propositioned them anyway.

Next time tell them you are a lesbian and invite them over.....

Good luck with all the painting! Hope the house sells quickly!

I love it. Usually I try to distract those nice missionaries by talking about Utah! I love Utah, they love Utah - everyone is happy. Then I casually let it drop that I go to Utah on my own mission trips - and they realize that I'm already taken!

I'm walking around pregnant out to THERE and can't wear my wedding ring, so I totally look like an unwed mother. They would have had a field day with me! And it always makes me laugh when I am somewhere with my best friend and her daughter - especially if we are both holding a kiddo hand - I joke that we look like such a nice lesbian couple!

I'm pretty open-minded, but Mormons...if accosted I always fight the urge to ask them if they realize what a f***ing psychopath their founder was. I don't actually think that, but I have a feeling it might cause them to back off a bit, lest I whip out a machete.

***This comment was brought to you by the letters u, c, and k.

Once while we were moving, some missionaries came by and offered to help. We declined. I've always regretted that -- an hours worth of free labor for having to listen to drivel wouldn't have been so bad. Maybe you should have gotten a phone number ... I'm sure they can paint too.

I always tell them I am Jewish. I have no idea why that works, but it does. They keep going if you claim any Christian denomination or Atheism, but I think they fear Jews. Either that or they just assume Jewish people cannot be converted.

But what would you do if you propositioned them and got an adventurous twosome who decided to go for it? :)

I am SO glad I live on a base! No one is allowed to do the door-to-door thing, not even Girl Scouts. (Actually, last year, we had a rash of kids trying to do school function things, and they+parents got in trouble for it.) And don't feel too bad, I haven't been wearing my wedding ring for...3 months or so? Mine is always on the tight side so I don't normally take it off, but I wanted to get a head-start on the finger bloat thing for being preggo. I feel so naked!

i rarely wear my rings...mostly because they are too big and i'm too damned lazy to get them made smaller...people always think i'm unwed, teenaged parent when i'm with my kids. or they think i'm the nanny.

hehe.. mormons... gotta love 'em. I've had my share of fun with the mormons too, one incident involved me getting in a rather heated argument with one on my front porch. Mainly because the guy resorted to the whole, "hope you have a million babies, because they're all just sitting up there in heaven waiting to be born." It infuriated me, and I totally lost my cool. The guy totally grew a tail and ran away with it between his legs.

I'm with whoever suggested you proposition the ladies anyways. Do you know how freaked out they'd be? Or how hard I'd laugh to see such a sight?

My mother is Mormon. If you think dealing with missionaries is tough when you're a heathen, try doing it when they view you as someone who's fallen from grace. They tracked me through three moves (including one clear across the country), and I finally had to threaten to charge them with harassment before they'd leave me alone.

As for the others, I just tell them I can't be a Jehovah's Witness because I didn't see Jehovah's accident.

Oh, I love the Jehovah's Witness answer. Warning Cobwebs, I'm stealing that one.

Of course I'll forgive you.. ;p

My husband is Mormon (sort of) and his church and I have reached an agreement.

I'll be nice to them if they don't try to convert me. Surprisingly, it works.

I've even fed the Missionaries a time or two. Those guys can sure pack it in.

I'll miss hearing from you but I totally understand. I've fallen way behind on responding to comments myself lately.

Are you saying that you won't respond to this awesome comment that I am now leaving you?

The horror.

(Come on...you're not going to Hell and you know it!)

Do people really get upset about unanswered comments? Emails I can understand. But comments?

This post wins. I've had so many Mormon missionaries come to my apartment because I live in the closest second thing to the ghetto in my area and most people are quite aware the majority of people here are unwed, single mothers. Sometimes I pretend I have to do something so important but there have been times I'll open the door and just shut it. My patience has usually run thin by the time they come. So it's better that I just shut the door.

Hee! I'm getting curious looks these days. My wedding ring doesn't fit me -- so I'm PREGGERS, with a toddler, and not wearing a ring! ;)

Don't worry about not responding to comments, Beth! :) It's a bonus but definitely not a requirement or expectation.

That is ok! I've been giving up on commenting for so long, I've been forgotten. ;)

The missionaries here (in Utah) have started to target the movie theater parking lot on sunday afternoon. Honestly, why can't they accept no thank you and move along! Grrrrrrr!!!!

You should have propositioned them. Think of the look of horror you could have caused on their sincere missionary faces, right before they fled.

hehheh

Post a Comment


Remember personal info?

So the Fish Said...

Whoever you are, now I place my hand upon you, that you be my poem, I whisper with my lips close to your ear.

- Walt Whitman

Meet the Fish

I want to get a pet duck and keep it in the bathtub.
I am addicted to chap stick and altoids.
I am freakishly flexible.


World's Most Beautiful Child

IMG_1542M.jpg


World's Most Handsome Child

IMG_1571O.jpg


Other Important Things

Clive Owen

Clive Owen
Pretend Celebrity Boyfriend


RSS Syndicate this site (XML)

Design by Emily

© Copyright 2004 SoTheFishSaid.com.
All Rights Reserved.