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I suggest something about "beauteous tresses"

Hey, you know what I did last night? I left Mia in the capable hands of her father and went out to dinner with a friend. You know how many times I have done that in the past two years? Once. Well, twice now, but it was only once before last night. It was lovely. No actually, it was fantastic. Sure, we spent most of the time talking about our kids, but that's a huge and welcome change from spending a meal talking about your kids while trying to get said kids to eat their grilled cheese and stop throwing ice cubes at the waitress.

So dinner was great, but it really drove home the point that oh my god I need some sort of childcare. I adore my kid, you know I do, but I also take her literally everywhere that I go, and it starts to drive you straight up the fucking wall after a while.

In other news, today is Haircut Day. Come on, when you have had as little hair removed from your head as I have in the past two years, it deserves to be capitalized. Those of you who have been playing along at home will be aware that the only reason I have let my hair get so out of control is that I have been planning to donate it to charity before it goes gray. (My parents both started going gray by 30, so I'm living on borrowed time.) So thanks for all the gentle suggestions and kind brow beatings, but I assure you that I am right there with you, no need to go on.

For the purposes of posterity and what not, I humbly offer these "before" shots, to be followed by "after" shots as soon as I leave the "oh my god, I hate my hair, I look disgusting with short hair, why did I ever cut my hair, I can't leave the house for a year until it grows out" phase, which I calculate should last a week at the outside. Anyway, before:

(The above is the only shot out of 15 or so where I managed to keep my eyes open. And now you know why I never post pictures of myself.)

I would like to take this opportunity to invite each of you to compose a stirring, deeply moving Ode to My Hair on the Occasion of Its Imminent Demise. (Dudes, was that the right its/it's? I can never remember and am too lazy to check.) I invited Chris to craft his own Ode, and his efforts left quite a bit to be desired. (Answer to everyone who asked "but won't Chris freak out if you cut your hair?": No.) I couldn't even get a decent haiku out of the guy, but the only thing he ever really notices about my appearance is whether or not I am currently naked, so I wasn't all that surprised. Those of you who don't care to draft an Ode to My Hair can just, well, for all I care you can, you know, just go ahead and go on about your lives with no skin whatsoever off my nose and my hearty congratulations for not being quite that bored and hard up for entertainment today. Naturally, those of you who are that bored and get your Odes on will thrill my shriveled little soul.

Comments (45)

I'm first!! Woo-hoo!

Beautiful fish
Such long tresses going, gone
Will still be gorgeous

I am not a poet and will not even try, but your use of "its" is correct. "It's" is for the contraction it is.

End grammar lesson.

The question is not
Will short hair freak Chris out, but
What will Mia think?

"Mama looks pretty,
but where is the hair to pull?
Mia hair cut - too!"

Needy scalps all rejoice
Fish hair on the way
grown long and sleek
just to make your day

Needy scalps all rejoice
Fish hair on the way
grown long and sleek
just to make your day

Needy scalps all rejoice
Fish hair on the way
grown long and sleek
just to make your day

I never turn down an opportunity to write an ODE!

Ode to My Hair on the Occasion of Its Imminent Demise

O beauteous tresses
Whose length, I confesses,
Is glorious
Magnificent
And the envy of all.

Our love has been tumultuous
There were times that you were glamorous
But more often than not
You're a pain
In my ass.

I bid you adieu
I'm getting a new hairdo.
Please don't cry for long
We will both be strong
And I'll save a ton on shampoo.


You are doing a great thing. Though I am sad to see your beautiful hair gone...

A Haiku:
I hope that new hair
Hot bank tellersons finds fare
the chop = worth his stare

Hey, its what I can pull outa my ass while I'm tossing back lunch at my desk... have fun whacking it all off! =)

So you're getting your hair cut today.
Just one hitch heading into the fray:
Buyers all must be told,
When your home they behold,
That your brand new hairdo won't convey.

Summer sun on neck
Missing hair feels boyish, shorn
But cool, free, and light

Sitteth thee in the chair of woe
As the shears go *snip* and
Years of memories float to their death.

Weep! Weep, O brown-haired wench!
For thine beau will look with pain
Upon what thou hath wrought.

Teeth will be gnashed;
Clothing rent asunder.

"Zounds!" crieth he. "Thou seemeth shorter!"
The small one asketh, "Where's mommy?"
Indeed. She's gone.

So, I'm thinking some kind of interpretive dance might work with this.

Forgot to say that
Your long hair is so pretty
I mean beauteous

Oh beautiful locks
may you live on
bringing joy to another.


Well done.

"BEAUTEOUS TRESSES"

Oh, beauteous tresses
So sun-kissed and long
How I've both loved
And loathed thee

You grew like a weed
During my pregnancy
And then shed in the shower
Much to the dismay, of both me and the drain

Oh, lustrous locks
You've grown far too long
And become a pain in the neck
To both shampoo and style, so I chose to donate

One last time, I brush you out
And in a final ponytail, I bid you adieu
And hope that you're appreciated
By whomever gets you

Sun-kissed and long, beauteous tresses!

You will make someone happy with that gorgeous hair. Good for you. Hope the haircut goes well!

Things to say 'bout your hair:
you'd be sorry if it weren't there!
It may be long now,
but I think, somehow
You won't get it shorter with Nair.

I'm very sorry... that was awful, especially on my first visit to your blog.

I'm sure you will love your new haircut, when you get it.

Cheers,

GF

Things to say 'bout your hair:
you'd be sorry if it weren't there!
It may be long now,
but I think, somehow
You won't get it shorter with Nair.

I'm very sorry... that was awful, especially on my first visit to your blog.

I'm sure you will love your new haircut, when you get it.

Cheers,

GF

I don't have the energy for a poem. But I'm sure it will be lovely. (Got mine chopped off last week and I'm still getting used to it - sigh)

Your going to blush, but every time I have seen you in person I have though, gosh she is pretty. I'm sure you will be just as pretty w/ short hair.

I suck at odes. But your hair is absolutely gorgeous. I'm sure it will be absolutely gorgeous after you cut it! And what you cut off will look absolutely gorgeous on someone else! :)

Shine on, thou beauteous tresses
Carry thine joy to another
Magnanimous gift of the glorious fish
Makes the rest of us look bad


(Okay, so I ran out of poetic-ness there at the end, but who said poems had to rhyme anyway? :P)

Beth's gonna cut her hair
Long beautiful hair
Shinin' gleamin' streamin'
Not flaxen or waxin'

Okay so I suck at this. I can't even remember the correct words to "Hair" either.

But you, Beth, are lovely.

"the only thing he ever really notices about my appearance is whether or not I am currently naked"

omg...that was truly hilarious! and true for my husband as well.

er, i mean he notices my nakedness, not yours...well, on second thought, i'm pretty sure he would notice your nakedness as well. any naked female, really...

Hair! Hair!
Why do you taunt me with your possibilities
Of luxurious sheen and body?

Hair! Hair!
You ask too much of me
And that is time and energy I do not have.

Hair! Hair!
You will soon belong to another
So I can be free
From your shackles of high maintenance.

(Hey, I never said it would be good!)

no poetry out of me, unfortunately...the shit that's coming out of my tv on canadian idol is distracting my creative juices.

what i do have is a lesson in its. it's = it is. its = not :)

also...at least you got one out of 15. it takes me about 25 tries to get one with my eyes open!

Oooooo.... you're so brave. I have really long hair, and I'm no way brave enough to cut mine. But you're doing it for a great reason. I can't wait to see the 'after' picture!!

Hi there - long time reader, first time poster!
there's no poet juices flowing through me today - but I hope all goes well and you are happy with your new 'do' (it usually takes me about three days after any haircut to work out if I like it or not).

Anyways, love your blog, have borrowed some ideas (I hope you don't mind) mainly the letters you write to your daughter - I think they are so special and I think it is a wonderful way to record the journey that is childhood!

PS - If the haircut turns out really bad, I hear paper bags are coming back in fashion ;-)

I'm sorry, but I'm too distracted by how spectacularly pretty you are to write a proper ode! I can't wait to see the new do. The end.

Beautiful
Brown
Bountiful
Beth's Hair

Soon to be
Short
Sassy
Sexy

A new look for two.

I'm not much of a poet so I'll skip the Ode, but Lord that hair is gorgeous. Despite my earlier plea for you not to cut it, it is a noble thing you are doing. Having spent more time down at Children's with one of my kids than I care to remember,you'll make a difference in some child's life.

I'm not much of a poet so I'll skip the Ode, but Lord that hair is gorgeous. Despite my earlier plea for you not to cut it, it is a noble thing you are doing. Having spent more time down at Children's with one of my kids than I care to remember,you'll make a difference in some child's life.

I'd forgotten how gorgeous your tresses are. Seriously lovely locks.

I am in love with your hair. I'm thinking about organizing a sit in in front of your hairdressers so you can not cut it! But since I am lazy here's your ode:

scissor scissor cut my hair
I have plenty to share
and despise my locks
even more than Crocs
scissor scissor there is no withdrew
now give that kid a new hairdo

Cut your hair,
you'll have class,
we won't notice,
with that smokin' ass.

By the way, pic #2 with you looking to the side is a really neat shot of you. Cool. Can't wait to see how the new do looks.

I haven't written for a long time although I still read you everyday. But I can never pass up a chance to put together a few lines of rhyme :)

Goodbye long beautiful tresses
Remembering these as Beth stresses.
To feel the weight of the flowing locks
And not to get writer's block.
Silken strands in the Rude's fingers
The memories oh how they do linger.
Poor little Mia what will she think
She'll give it no more thought than a blink.
Beth gives of herself for a good cause
Shall we all stand and give applause?
Hope you liked my little prose
This should be the end of it I suppose.

Seriously gorgeous hair. Someone is going to be extremely thankful.

Whatever makes you happy, I say.

Most of my life, I've had short hair. It's easier and quicker, but not that exciting. I went back to long hair about five years ago. The only time that I consider getting is short is over the summer when it goes frizzy crazy.

I like long hair on a woman, but I understand it's her hair. I say keep it long as long as you can. I even find grey hair sexy in women, a fact, which my wife doesn't quite understand.

I think this is the first time I have seen your profile.

Chris is a very fortunate man.

In other words, you're hot.

And yes, get some childcare. Thousands of teens need money and are willing to baby-sit.

~Jef

I look forward to the after, since I am doing the exact same thing this weekend. It will be the first time that I have had short hair since my mom gave me an ill-advised Dutch Boy haircut when I was three.

I am scared, as I have a bit of a Samson complex about my hair, and I need someone to go first.

I'm not creative enough for an ode - sorry...My sister chopped her hair off (13 inches!) and donated it to Locks of Love. She felt it was an awesome experience.

I've always hated the fact that the day before or of Haircut Day my hair always looks better than it has in months (because I literally only get my haircut twice a year).

Oh, and my hubby only notices if I'm clothed or not as well...you aren't alone on that one.

Can't wait to see the after pics!

STOP-- DONT DO IT-- TALK TO TWISTOFKATE FIRST! NOOOOOOOOOOOO.. OH AND MIA IS JUST TOO CUTE --TOO ADORABLE FOR WORDS-- JUST AWWWWWW

Bring on the pics! I cut six inches off mine recently and it only took a week not to scare myself in the mirror. :)
So many people have complimented me on it and I'm glad I took the plunge.

Okay now it's been two days we must see the afters! Please don't make us wait a minute longer.
I choped 16 inches of hair off three weeks after I had the girl (that was exactly two years ago now) and donated it to Locks of Love, it was the best thing I ever did. I wasn't real pleased with my after cut but, it sure felt good to know it was for a good cause. Now I am loving my hair short and poor hubby has to beg me every time I go for a trim not to cut it any shorter =o)

I have a 2-year old son and feel exactly the same way!!

I'm going to start him in Preschool in August for one 1/2 day per week...then move him up to two 1/2 days and gradually full days....we'll see how that goes!

After 2 years of being fully responsible and focused on him and his every move, I need a *little* break....

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So the Fish Said...

Whoever you are, now I place my hand upon you, that you be my poem, I whisper with my lips close to your ear.

- Walt Whitman

Meet the Fish

I want to get a pet duck and keep it in the bathtub.
I am addicted to chap stick and altoids.
I am freakishly flexible.


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