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Help Wanted

I have questions about a few things in my new house, and I've elected all of you to help me. Answer any or all.

1. How do you use Oxyclean with a High Efficiency washing machine? And don't laugh at me for being stupid, this thing is complicated. So complicated that the first time I used it I had to call my mother for instructions and moral support.

2. Where the hell are you supposed to put the bowls?

3. If you had inadvertently misplaced the key to this lock during your move:

How would you go about picking it?

4. What would you use to clean this tile floor?

Assuming, of course, that you were some sort of dirty hippie who only used non-toxic cleaning products. Like me.

5. Is this the most annoying microwave control panel you have ever seen in all your born days?

The time defaults to one minute, and you have to turn that dial to adjust it. Come on, people, would a fucking keypad really have been so hard?

6. Is "fucking a" a good thing or a bad thing. That isn't to do with my house, I was just wondering.

7. Oh, I finally figured out why my breasts have been hurting so much for the past few days that I have been seriously considering a metal breastplate or chain mail or something, because if I took one more toddler elbow to the boobies I was going to literally die from agony. I was going to tell you about it, but then thought that hey, that might be ever so slightly over the theoretical line we have here. What do you think?

Comments (54)

1. Always use Electrosol in those dishwashers. It doesn't gunk up the machine.
2. Bowls go on top. Not elegantly, but on top.
3. 1 800 LOCKSMITH?
4. No clue. But I'm a fan of Mr. Clean who is not hippy-ish at all. But the Man works.
5. That is Satan's dial.
6. A good thing. But I prefer it's full name: fuckin'-a-boy-howdy.
7. My boobs hurt just thinking about it.

How'd I do? :)

I'm choosing "any", because I can't answer "all"...

#2 - in my dishwasher (which is not so different from this one), small bowls go in the middle on the top vertically, larger bowls go on the bottom, but along the back two rows of prongs, horizontally (that's clear as mud, right?)

#4 - Swiffer wet jet, if I had one. Since I don't, mine get sponge mopped with mild soap & warm water; but, the cruel thing about tile is that often you can still see the water marks when it dries, so I usually end up wiping over it with a towel. No wonder my floors don't get mopped more often.

#5 - totally annoying

#6 - I think a bad thing, but I can't be sure

#7 - you've outgrown your bra?

1. I just add vinegar to our HE washer. I'm not sure with Oxyclean, though.

4. Vinegar and baking soda. The sizzling bubbles always amaze my 15-month-old.

5. Where did that microwave come from? Antiques Roadshow?

6. YES.

7. Kevlar bra?

1) I wouldn't know, I just have a regular washing machine and don't use oxyclean. Regular old Tide w' a downy ball works for us, even with a messy toddler. Sounds like you could get the detergent made for the High Efficiency washer, though.
2) Bowls go on the top, unless they don't fit up there, in which case I jam them in between plates down below (or give up and just wash the few remaining ones by hand)
3) If it opens out, could you take the hinge off on the other side? Locksmith might work, too.
4) The swiffer w/ vacuum will make an easy job of sweeping and getting all the big crumbs and stuff. Then you only need to mop occasionally, which I normally just do with some warm water and soap or vinegar.
5) Whoever designed that microwave should have their engineering degree revoked.
6) It's a really good thing when you stub your toe. Not so much around a toddler.
7) No comment. :-)

1. I don't know. As I still live in the stone age with my top loader.
2. My dishwasher is similar, plastic on top and to one side (right in mine). Corningware on the bottom and towards the front. I have adjustable prongs on the bottom.
3. Credit card?
4. Vinegar and baking soda
5. That's a paradox in the micro world. A digital display and a turn dial. Don't put anything in that microwave, it'll be sucked in to the future.
6. Depends on the context.
7. No. Not crossing any lines.

2. Bowls go wherever they FIT.

4. I use a Swiffer covered with Clorox clean up wipes. Works every time!

6. That's my favorite expression... usually it means some kind of dismay to utter anger.

About the door ... I'd go to your local Ace Hardware or equivalent to see if they have any skeleton keys.

About the boobs ... it only gets worse, except it's your whole body.

I'm only going to attempt #4 - I use a mixture of vinegar and warm water on my tile floor. Works like a champ!

#1 If you're using a powdered detergent, you can mix it into the detergent compartment. If you're using liquid, then that won't work (I wasn't a pretty sight). I tried just dumping the oxyclean into the washer with the clothes, and that seemed to work ok, but I got lazy and ended up just not using it altogether after I got my HE machine.

#2 My husband puts the cereal bowls against the back wall on their sides. I try to stack them over two prongs in a row.

That's all I have.

#2 - Wash the bowls by hand

#3- Go to an antique store and ask for skeleton keys.

#4- At my house? 2 great big dogs (although not always non toxic) do a great job of keeping the floor clean. What they don't get, a wet paper towel.

I baffled by how many people say bowls go on top! My whole life, bowls have gone on the bottom. I am baffled that you actually asked where they go, because a. is there really a specific spot? b. the bottom row just looks like it's made for bowls and/or plates and c. I've never had a dish washer that didn't look this way and I'm curious about what you've used before if it didn't look like this.

2. If they're big enough, on the bottom rack, all nestled together. If they're wee small bowls, on the top rack, nestled together.

5. Totally. If it were me, I'd probably just get a new microwave, because that would make me batty.

6. Depends on context.

I have bad news for you. I have the exact same dishwasher and it sucks. Nothing ever gets clean. My bowels fit on the bottom.

I can't help with most of these, but that kitchen floor is a twin to mine. I vacuum it to get the crumbs up, then use my steam mop (the brand I have is Bissell), which I love immoderately. No chemicals, reusable mop "pads" that you throw in the laundry, and the steam helps loosen sticky stuff so there's much less scrubbing. Plus steam-cleaning the floor every few days makes me wince less when Shadowboy drops a cookie and observes the three-second rule.

1 - I reall have no idea [You can always rely on me for the truth!]
2 - Bowls go on top
3 - I would try a plastic card [think: used gift card] and slide it in from the top. Try to push it down where the mechanism enters the frame, push the mechanism in and push or pull on the door until it opens.
4 - Spic n Span, but I'm not much of a hippie type. It cleans well and I like the smell of it!
5 - Yes, that IS a very annoying keypad. I'd head over to Wal Mart and spend 50 bucks for a new one.
6 - It's a good thing around these parts!
7 - Anything short of sharing your sex life in explicit detail, is not crossing the line.

I have seen a picture of a BOIL on someones ASS, on the internet. NOTHING shocks me anymore. Nothing.

1. Dunno
2. Top
3. Big paper clip
4. I have the same floor too, I use Mr. Clean but now I covet a steam mop.
5. WTF?
6. I think the "a" makes it good.
7. I think it's under the line. They're just boobs. Most of us have them or have seen some.

Oxiclean into the detergent dispenser just before the water pours into it. The detergent can even go in at the same time. I use liquid Tide so it just pours through the oxiclean. I've tried dumping it into the washer with the clothes, but it doesn't seem to dissolve that way.

And vinegar is a powerful non toxic cleaner for floors, bathtubs, you name it and it's really cheap at Costco.

Bowls in the middle up top or on the bottom with a space between them.

1. I don't use anything but regular old Cascade but I am sort of hippy dippy myself ;0
2. Bowls go on top and cram 'em however you can!
3. Check the yellow pages
4. Just bought Ecover floor soap but I have not tried it (I will let you know how it works...) but I usually just fill up a tub with hot water and Ecover dish soap and clean. See kinda hippy dippy - I am NOT painting a pretty picture of myself BUT I do shave my pits I SWEAR!
5. OH I do not think I would like that microwave much!
6. Hmm, I like to swear so GOOD!
7. Pregnancy boobs = going through puberty ALL over again (2nd only to milk coming in boobs and milk needs to be expressed boobs...)

I wasn't aware that there was a line being observed here, so this would definitely be within bounds.

1 - Why OxyClean? I just use regular HE detergent.
2 - Coincidentally, I have the same dishwasher. Bowls seem to fit in the top, propped up by two prongs and kind of tilted downward.
3 - uh... apparently the universe is telling you that you don't need to open that door.
4 - Can't help you. I avoid cleaning the floors. Fortunately, I have someone else to do it.
5 - Who the hell thought that would be a good microwave design?
6 - Good thing.
7 - uh... not sure how to respond here.

#3 Have a bunch of toddlers pound on it until it gives up and opens.

#4 All natural cleaning products for me too. For the floor, I am all about the vinegar and lemon juice. If you need something "scrubby", a baking soda paste usually works.If you want something in a pretty bottle, Mrs. Meyers products.

#5 Target is having a sale on microwaves...just an idea.

#7.Over the line, nope...we'll all just imagine something much worse and more over the line if you don't tell us!

1. No clue on that.
2. Bowls go on top - somehow it works in mine
3. a cute locksmith?
4. Mr. Clean Magic's WONDERFUL!!! but sucks to be on your hands and knees. maybe the child will help.
5. Retarded
6. A good thing.
7. Ouch!

Okay, well, if not assistance, here are some opinions!!

1. Ooh new machine! Fancy! Uh...does it say anything on the box/tub thingy??
2. I'd probably try to get them on top...looks tricky though!
3. Skeleton key?
4. Vinegar, or a steam mop.
5. That is the weirdest microwave I have ever seen in all my born days.
6. I usually think good? But it's gotta be a context thing.
7. Ow. And I'm okay with you talking about boobs.

Oh, and an addendum to No. 3 - that is a really nifty looking door and I like it. Where is it?

I love that your microwave has a favorites button. If only you could push it and your favorite foods would just appear, all warm and ready to eat.

Bowls on top, in a row, somewhat over each other so as not to take up too much space, but still with enough room to clean them.

I like the hinge idea, and then the locksmith.

Steam cleaner. No chemicals. Sterile. Pure joy!

Screw the mirowave. Order out.

Oh lord you poor thing. I don't have a toddler nailing me in the boobies and I want to cry because mine hurt so bad (but BOY are they getting BIG!). And no, that was not an over-share.

I do like hearing about boobs.

Vinegar does amazing things to laundry, floors, basically anything. And it deodorizes as it dries, so if you can take the pickle-smell for a few minutes, the clothing/room/floor/whatever will smell better than it did before.

1. No idea
2. bowls on top
3. locksmith will be easier than trying to find the correct skeleton key at an antique store. My office only has skeleton key locks.(its an old mansion) and there are 3 different skeleton keys! I always thought skeleton keys were universal, apparently not)
4. I'm too lazy to be hippie. We have that EXACT same tile floor and I use swiffer wet jet. I scrub the grout with clorox clean up. I have 6 animals, the grout will never be clean enough.
5. Get a new microwave, that one is totally impractical!
6. I tend to think fucking is a good thing. If you don't maybe you're doing it wrong ;)
7. I think you crossed that line a long time ago!

1. I have an HE machine AND use OxyClean. I put it in the pre-wash spot and run the machine. No, I don't push the pre-wash button. Yes, it works. (And since you mentioned being all hippy -- there is a liquid called Ecos that is FABU for the HE machine.) And note, using liquids use LESS than you normally think you should.
2. in the top.
3. Hmmm...hairpin? Credit card?
4. Vinegar and water. Yup, that's all you need.
5. ick.
6. does it matter?
7. line? what line?

Ok, now that my head has stopped spinning from all this, here's my thoughts:

1. have you looked on the oxyclean website? there must be directions there.

2.bowls on top

3.locksmith, but can they make you a new key?

4. Don't laugh, but Imus (of all people) makes an AWESOME greener cleaner line, called Greening the Cleaning. The stuff is entirely non-toxic and works so well, it's used in hospitals. I swear by it, and you might even be able to find it in the grocery store.

5. So dumb.

6. Either way, I think it's just a "wow, will you look at that" kind of thing.

7. Milk supply coming in nice and early? That happened to me with Mister.

first of all, "Fucking A" is good. nay, it's BADASS. it's a vocabulary staple.

secondly, my dad has installed tile professionally for 20 years. vinegar and water.

1. I don't have a HE machine but I would suggest mixing the Oxyclean with water before adding it.
2. I'm dishwater deficient. I've been told by hubby that I load improperly. Just put them in there. They get clean, somehow.
3. Lock is tough. Call a locksmith.
4. Clean the tile floor on your hands and knees with a bucket of water with a little Oxyclean, Mr. Clean Erasers and a couple of old dish towels. Replace the water when it gets dirty. It will take a couple of erasers, but concentrate on getting the grout white. Then seal it with a spray-on grout sealer to keep it white.
5. That is an annoying microwave.
6. F'ing A is a staple in our house. It dates us but whatever. We're old and proud.
7. It's good to talk about the pain. At least we all know what to expect one day.

we have that dishwasher or one that looks _really_ similar. On ours, the silverware thing flattens out and hooks on the very front of the bottom drawer which creates much more room. Our bowls go in the back and front of the bottom section on their sides, bowl part facing middle. Does that make sense? the space between the side and the first row of prongs is wide enough for a deep bowl.

No help on the rest. I rarely mop and am not a good key picker. :)

I'm going to pass on all of them but 4. Method makes great non-toxic and good-smelling cleaning products. Here's their floor cleaner. I've found several of their products at Target. I particularly like their daily shower cleaner since it doesn't make me asphyxiate.

HE washing machine...I toss a TEENY bit (like a teaspoon) of oxyclean in with whatever HE detergent I am currently buying. If you ONLY us oxyclean, I would up it to 2 tablespoons.
I clean ceramic with oxyclean and water.
And then I rinse.

My microwave has a dial and I loathe it.

Sorry about your boobies.


#1 - I have a HE washer and I use the liquid Oxyclean spray and just spray the items that need a little cleaning boost.

#2 - The bowls go wherever they can fit. At least that's where they go in mine.

#3 - No clue on the lock. Sorry.

#4 - Swiffer Wet Jet.

#5 - That microwave is the spawn of the devil. I'm not sure WHO thought a DIAL was a good idea in the first place...

#6 - "fucking a" is a good thing. Makes a nice exclamation when you run out of all the other standard exclamations.

#7 - I've got nothin' for ya here. Sorry once again.

(I delurked in order to help a sista out...)

Sarah told me I should lay it down:

1: I don't know that you should put oxyclean in a high efficiency washer like you did in your old one. The powder's amazing cleaning power is activated by the power of oxygen and I don't know if the new washers have the same mix. I would throw half of what you used to use into the new one and see what happens.

2: Just put the bowls in the washer. It is not rocket science.

3: I could open that crap.

4: Dremel or a concrete stone. I have both if you want to borrow them.

5: Life is short, buy a new microwave.

6: fucking a is all about context. I usualy use it as "I agree" but I have witnessed several classy applicaions like "that looks like a good sandwich" or "what the fuck is wrong with that guys shoes".

7: I don't have lines. I also don't have boobs. Every so often I get caught with a runaway knee so I guess I feel you my brother.

1. My HE washer says to NEVER put Oxyclean into the dispenser when using liquid detergent. So I just dump it into the bottom of the machine before the clothes. Seems to work just fine that way.

5. It is a travesty. Microwaves are cheap. Buy a new one.

6. Always good in my book.

7. What line? There is a line?

7.) my toddler elbows my boobies like crazy. It is insane. Oh my..
2.) as far as the dishwasher goes..i have the same dishwasher and I'm still in the process of getting it to follow the rules.

Um. Yeah. What Gabe said, except I couldn't open the door. You should make Gabe come over and do it.

Don't really have any answers, but from one hippie to another, YAY for non-toxic cleaning products. I think I own about everyone out there! :-)

oh yes, someone suggested a steam mop for the floor. that is actually the perfect thing. I had one that my mom had handed down, but it had an unfortunate electrical cord accident and is now defunct. But that worked super well while it actually, you know, worked, and if I wasn't pouring all of my current funds into my 3 boys school supplies/clothes, soccer registration & funky soccer shoes, and the new baby's smocked dresses that she of course just has to have since we're all Southern and stuff, then well, I'd have another one already. Alas, I don't; so you should get one and make your life easier.

I mop my tile floor with hot water and distilled white vinegar. It works really well.

I have those floors and I hate them I hate them I hate them. I probably wouldn't hate them as much if I had a fiance who would actually take his dirty shoes off before he comes in from working in the yard. Or perhaps if I didn't have dogs that spill their water leading me to accidentally step in it and leave footprints everywhere. So my suggestion is get new floors because that is what I desperately want to do.

#2 -- My bowls fit in between the spokes on the bottom. But I'm only one person and don't produce a lot of plates, so you may run out of room on the bottom?

#3 -- Have Mia open the door. Kids have magic powers. My parents once broke a refrigerator lightbulb while it was still in the socket, and they could NOT get it out with their hands or any tools. Then along comes my brother carrying the broken bulb -- no blood, fortunately! He was reportedly three at the time, but you know how kids get younger as these stories get older. :-)

#3 Get really heavy wire and a pair of pliers, then bend the wire into a 'U' shape. If you have the right wire, you might need a pair of gloves or someone with lots of hand strength. One side of the U should be able to fit into the lock hole, and the other should fit in your hand so you can twist it. The middle of the U should be short so it doesn't bend all over hell n gone. Put the kid to bed, wait an hour, then stick the short bit of heavy wire into the lock and start jimmying it around trying to move the lock. Pretend the U is the key, and move it just like you would a key with a giant handle. After 5 minutes, start screaming "FUCKKITY FUCK YOU FUCKING FUCK FUCKING FUKKITY" since it's an annoying process. But basically you just shove things around and move the locking bits open, and that's the technical term for that fucking thimgamajiggy.

1. what's a high efficiency washing machine?
2. on bottom, face down.
3. take a good picture to a locksmith. it's gotta be a common key.
4. looks like the pine-sol commercial's floor.
5. yes. I hate it.
6. good thing! I love "Fucking AAAAAAaaaaayyyy".
7. could you have a stuck duct already? hot shower time. I'm sure Chris will massage them for what... 5 minutes? 10? or is he a 30 minute man?

I assume your HE is a front load, if so the oxyclean goes in before the clothes, right in the tub of the washer, then add your detergent in the little drawer. You can use regular detergent just do not use as much as you would with the other types of washers. Suds go everywhere, promise!

The dishwasher question I can answer because my parents have the same one. The bowls go on the top and assuming that you don't have a TON of cups, those go on the top too. Personally, I'd just cram them wherever they'd fit. I can't help you with the other stuff because for the floor, I'd use something toxic and bleachy.

The floor? Use a Melalueca product called Tough and Tender. Totally environmentally friendly. Every 4th or 5th cleaning--hit it with Armstrong tile floor cleaner. (more toxic) There is an acutual Mr. Clean Magic Eraser mop, but not so environmentally friendly. If all else fails, let the cleaning lady figure it out.

The Home Depot near Very Expensive Road sells old-fashioned skeleton keys in the tool corral (where the key-making machine is). Try one of them to see if it'll work.

I can only help with #s 2 and 4, because I have a similiar dishwasher and floor:

2) Along the sides of the bottom rack

4) Vinegar and hot water solution - dissolves yuk, antiseptic, nontoxic

Good luck!

The only other place I think I've ever seen a control panel, like the one on that microwave, was...wait...I've never seen ANYTHING like that. Ever. What the hell?!

You probably already got an answer to this, but I put the OxyClean in the drum (the metal part with holes) of my HE washer b/c I use liquid detergent and they aren't supposed to be mixed... (I think that, somewhere on your OxyClean container, probably in really small print, it has directions, because I don't know how I would have otherwise figured this out...)

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