I have questions about a few things in my new house, and I've elected all of you to help me. Answer any or all.
1. How do you use Oxyclean with a High Efficiency washing machine? And don't laugh at me for being stupid, this thing is complicated. So complicated that the first time I used it I had to call my mother for instructions and moral support.
2. Where the hell are you supposed to put the bowls?
3. If you had inadvertently misplaced the key to this lock during your move:
How would you go about picking it?
4. What would you use to clean this tile floor?
Assuming, of course, that you were some sort of dirty hippie who only used non-toxic cleaning products. Like me.
5. Is this the most annoying microwave control panel you have ever seen in all your born days?
The time defaults to one minute, and you have to turn that dial to adjust it. Come on, people, would a fucking keypad really have been so hard?
6. Is "fucking a" a good thing or a bad thing. That isn't to do with my house, I was just wondering.
7. Oh, I finally figured out why my breasts have been hurting so much for the past few days that I have been seriously considering a metal breastplate or chain mail or something, because if I took one more toddler elbow to the boobies I was going to literally die from agony. I was going to tell you about it, but then thought that hey, that might be ever so slightly over the theoretical line we have here. What do you think?