I must be the world's biggest idiot, I can't buy sheets.
On Tuesday, we got a new bed. It's a king. I love it. I love it because on Wednesday night when I finally brought Mia back to bed with us after the fourth round of screaming there was room for her and Chris and me and I wasn't clinging by my fingernails to the very edge of the bed while Mia did all she could to dump me out onto the floor.
I hate the sheets though. I'm having a real problem. This weekend, we went to one of those discount stores and bought two sets of 400 thread count sheets for $35 a pop. They suck. It was like sleeping on sandpaper. Ok ok, my fault, I cheaped out, lesson learned. On Wednesday, I went to a home store and bought two sets of "hotel, luxury, sheets like butter, whatever else" 620 thread count sheets for $100 a set. For 100 bucks I figured they had to be good. And they seemed better, but it was all an act. They were much much worse than the cheap sheets, such that I had to get up in the middle of the night and put on long pants and socks and a turtleneck and a ski mask just so I could stand to spend the rest of the night on those sheets.
On Thursday, I went to Target and got more sheets. I know, probably not the best choice for a quality product, but I had a playdate in the morning and actual adult dinner plans at night and absolutely had to go to Target because somebody put the wipes bag back on the shelf totally empty without mentioning to the other someone around here who does all the shopping that there were no longer any wipes to be had and it was a race against time and poop to get to Target and secure additional wipes and I honestly did not possibly have time to go anywhere else. But! I got 500 thread count sheets! I spent $100! I hate them!
And I am starting to feel like the biggest idiot on the planet because I cannot secure a simple set of sheets for love or money. Or, you know, for money. So would you people please tell me where the hell to get some decent sheets? I clearly need very specific instructions. Also, I can totally return the sheets I've hated, right? On the basis of them sucking ass? I mean, I'm willing to keep the cheap ones since that was clearly my fault, but for $100 sheets ought not make me want to chew off my own skin, right? Returning those is totally legitimate, yes? I'll wash them again first, swear.
Dammit. I cannot believe that I just wrote an entire post about sheets. Clearly I need to get out more.
Also, the big genitalia examination is at 10:15 today, so stay tuned for updates. Oh, we'll be examining the fetus's genitalia, just to be clear here.