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So close, so far

You know how sometimes you go to the grocery store and the ancient and slow as molasses cashier with the really bad wig decides to pile one of your items on top of the toddler-car portion of the cart even though there is plenty of room inside the cart because she's just weird and you figure eh whatever your car is right outside you can make it so you just leave it there and of course as soon as you get out of the store it falls off and then the totally hot fireman in full fireman regalia (including, I assume, the suspenders, although I couldn't be sure because he was wearing the coat and I love the suspenders, and even, oh my sweet lord, the hat, the hat!) who was responding to a false alarm in the very same store says "here, let me get that for you" and then grabs the fallen item and puts it back in your cart and smiles at you in a friendly way even though you are four and a half months pregnant and getting pretty chubby and did your hair three days ago and are pretending that it still looks good enough to wear out in public and your obnoxious maternity pants are sliding down your ass and giving you a big puffy bubble-butt thing? That happens to you too, right? Well, why is it that when it does happen, it's never your MILF Society membership card that fell or sexy black lacy lingerie, which they don't even sell in my grocery store, losers, or even, like, a bag of cucumbers or anything, no no, it's the toilet paper, always the toilet paper.

No wonder he didn't invite me to make out with him on top of the truck.

Comments (27)

Thanks for making me giggle this morning, I am sure the only reason he didn't ask you to make out on top of the truck is b/c he saw your adorable daughter and your ring and couldn't bring himself to do it, no matter HOW bad he wanted too... it had nothing to do with any of the above (maternity pants, hair etc...)

you totally crack me up. Thanks for the morning laugh... :) Have a great day!

Ha ha! I agree with Stephanie: the only reason he didn't sweep you up in his muscular arms is that he is an ethical, family-oriented type. His heart is breaking, but he knows what's right.

Ditto. He controlled himself because of the ring. He probably cried himself to sleep at the firehouse though.

He definitely went to sleep with dreams of you and a different, less cruel world where he could have you...

At least it wasn't the hemorrhoid cream. If it were me, it would have been the bag with hemorrhoid cream, maxipads, laxatives, and acne medication. And the bag would broken all over the parking lot in front of an entire squadron of firemen in suspenders.

So, you know, could have been worse.

MILF society membership card...that's priceless.

How are you always running into firemen?

Hey, hey - how do you time something falling out of your cart when hot firemen are around?! There's nobody ever around me and someone's usually trying to run me over in the parking lot! I wouldn't even mind if it was my toilet paper that fell - as long as he picked it up!

Oh dear... that so totally does NOT happen to me. Lucky girl! LOL!

Hey! We all need toilet paper! If it were tampons, beer, or condoms (all three weird items for a pregnant woman to be carrying...) then I might be embarassed.

Move to Scotland. The firemen here are usually middle aged and called something like Rab and greet you with the romantic phrase "Awright, hen?!" You wouldn't mind one of those picking up your loo roll so much.

You know he totally debated about it. I'm sure if you think back, there was a total moment of hesitation. I mean, c'mon. It doesn't take a membership card to see that you're a MILF. Well. A MIWNLTFBYGRA*, at any rate!

*Mom I Would Not Like to Fuck But You Go Right Ahead.

I can think of much worse items to fall, perhaps Monistat? LOL! I agree he probably just saw the ring.

Alias Mom must be in disguise as me (or the other way around?). That is exactly what would have happened to me. In fact, I suspect on the (un)lucky day that I forced to be rescued by a handsome fireman, I will be wearing granny panties and probably have a snotty nose. And I hear sexy fireman don't dig the snotty nose much.

Let me say this, though. Men being what they are, usually, if he didn't at least think you were cute, he probably would have let you pick up your own toilet paper.

I know you're busy and all but try to find the time to read this.

You have a kindred spirit.

That's so funny! I had an interesting experience like that. One of my friends and I went to a concert... I was flirting with this guy. Nothing serious, just some harmless flirting, when another friend comes up and goes "Hey, why doesn't your husband come to these things with you?" Aside from the fact that I'm not actually married yet... what a mood killer! :)

that post made my day

that post made my day

that post made my day

Happens to me ALL THE TIME.


I think you have fireman radar. I never run into firemen that often. So, yeah, I'm pretty sure he was like "oooh hotness....damn ring." or something like that ;-)

ooh, good post :)

could have been worse.
could have been preparation h.

What is it with fireman? Always at the right place at the right time?

I should probably tell you about the time I "stripper billed" a fireman, holding out his boot on the side of the road, raising fund for a fallen comrade. Yeah, I folded the bill in half lengthwise and held it out between my fingers. He started to giggle when he approach the car. That smile alone, I'd so totally stripper-billed 100 more dollar bills and take him home with me, but my husband was in the driver's seat...

Not only the post, but the comments are truly slaying me. Far too funny for work.

Last week the local university's football team was bagging groceries for PR before a game, and of course that happened to coincide with the day I purchased the tampons, TP, diaper rash cream et al. I am such a MIWNLTFBYGRA.

I'd never heard of "stripper billing" either, that's good to know.

I wanted to say something like he probably still thinks off you when he gets his hose out. But I guess that would be inappropriate, so I'll just comment it could have been worse.

THANK YOU!! You made my night ...

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So the Fish Said...

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