Answer's to yesterday's birthday game:
- The ex-wife: Truth. We're having dinner with them next Tuesday.
- Piercings: Truth. Although now that I think about it, I guess maybe he maxed out at three ear piercings, and it's been a good long while since I've seen him with more than one earring. I remain mum on the subject of any additional body piercings.
- Shoe fetish: Lie. Chris owns maybe four pairs of shoes, and when they get dirty he tends to abandon them in the garage or on the back deck and eventually just buy a new pair. The story of nearly cutting off his own finger with a table knife and being thereby unable to self-bathe is, however, entirely true.
- Ozzy: Lie. We did have a major fight about Ozzy Osbourne during the first year we were dating, and it was the biggest fight we had had to date, but it has since been dwarfed by battles on many other subjects.
- Ugly plant: Truth. And I don't know what more to say about that.
Moving on, the early years of parenting contain a series of glory-hallelujah moments. The arrival of the last two-year-old molar, sleeping through the night, getting your boobs back for your own personal use, one would presume potty training, although I wouldn't know. One of those moments, certainly, has to be when your precious spawn learns to blow their own damn nose and ceases to keep you up literally all night long manning the nose-sucker. Yeah, Mia has a cold, although it is December and her first of the winter, so not bad. And there are few things in life more pitiful than dashing to your toddler's room at 4 AM to find her sitting up and crying and pointing to her red, red nose saying "boogies, Mommy, bad boogies." Yes darling, I know, now give Mama your snot and try to go back to sleep.
On a related note, one of the least glamorous moments of motherhood is when a runny nose finds you chasing your kid around after every sneeze to remove snot from her face, mouth, hair, shirt, and the stretch of floor where she was standing when it happened. Yummy.
And yes, I did take my sick child out to play in the snow for an hour and a half yesterday morning. You wanna make something of it?
(Ok, ok, #1 is a total lie, but wouldn't that make a great story if it were true? I am so pissed that just about nobody believed it.)