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Belly belly bo belly banana fana fo felly me my mo melly, Belly!

Last Friday, Mia and I had lunch with Jodi and Michael, and I decided that I would wear a somewhat decent pair of pants since none of my maternity jeans will stay up and I didn't think Jodi needed to be subjected to an afternoon of watching me haul my pants back up over my monstrous ass. So, I pulled out a pair of pants that I wore to work a lot when I was pregnant with Mia, and that I actually wore to the hospital the day she was born. I couldn't button them. I couldn't even get close. I was so despondent that I just got dressed out of the hamper, don't tell Jodi, ok?

The belly at 35 weeks, she is formidable.

(I stood behind that chair on purpose. It's an Ass Shield.) The belly is also usually lopsided, with a noticeable hump sticking out on one side or the other as the fetus shoves his butt out from under my ribs, however briefly. The belly also tends to be visually in motion, hopping and rolling and jutting unpredictably as the fetus practices his Riverdancing, and I can only assume that to the casual observer this must be a rather disturbing sight to see. I mean, it freaks my husband the hell out, and he knows to expect it.

I suppose I should try not to complain, as I have had two entirely uneventful and mostly very easy pregnancies and have also made it through 74 total weeks of pregnancy so far without a single stretch mark (and oh yes, I am pounding the beejeezus out of my wooden desk as I type that) and I am also a bit sad that within the next few weeks I will end my career as a pregnant woman and will never again feel a child rolling around inside me, but holy cow the final stretch is just a misery, isn't it? Everything just hurts, and everything is a huge pain in the ass and I am still recovering from a kick to the ribs I got three solid days ago and whine whine whine poor me I'll shut up now.

On a brighter note, I am interviewing maids today, and that makes me very happy. Oh, how I miss the maids we had when I was working, and oh how fondly I am anticipating the few visits I received as a birthday gift from my parents for after the baby is born. It may even make all the end of pregnancy woes worth it. Yes, I am a yacht and can't sleep and can't stand up without careful planning and a great deal of pain, but for a few weeks someone else is going to clean the toilets, and that is a thing of beauty.

Also of a more positive bent, we may have named this baby. First name at least, middle name is still a bit nebulous and I suppose both are subject to change at any time without notice, but I do think the first name will stick and I have started using it to address the fetus. Which one does, you know, mainly to tell him to get his toes the hell out of your tonsils.

Comments (38)

You know what I look like, right? I ask because I am going to scan a secret picture into the computer today and email it to you and you have to promise to never, ever share it with anyone but it will make you believe me when I tell you that you still look smokin' hot. I'd STILL make out with you.

You have such a great attitude about this, it's amazing. It is an awesome thing to be pregnant, even with all the aches and pains and random things that happen during it.

Very happy that you picked a name, I'm guessing it was a relief. It was such a relief to pick a name for us, although we only had a boy's name and didn't know what we were having. I felt sure that Gabe was a boy, and turns out, he was!

Your belly looks adorable and I'm sure the pants shrunk. SURE OF IT.

Yay for having a name and double yay for maids! Having someone else vacuum and clean the toilets is never, ever a bad thing.

I heard that stretch marks are hereditary. My mom had 6 kids and my sister and I have 3 each and none of us have stretch marks! Mine were all over 8 pounds and the first time I got pregnant I was only 97 pounds so I was really surprised! I'm glad you finally have a name.
Thank you for sharing the are too cute!


Woohoo! Congrats on the baby naming!

No stretchmarks? I am insanely jealous... I've had stretchmarks since the age of 12. Yes, TWELVE.

I was bigger the second time, bigger yet the third--could barely fit into a size large in maternity clothes from Pea in the Pod with the last one--and it was the same weight gain with all three. Even now I am amazed at the pictures. No stretch marks until number it's just as well for you. It does feel a little sad when you know you won't be pregnant again--I loved feeling the baby for all the difficult things about pregnancy so understand how you feel. Lucky you that your parents are giving you the gift of a housekeeper! That is thoughtful and kind.

Dude, you look GREAT. GREAT!!!

And also, I didn't get any stretch marks. Hearing that you didn't with #2 makes me hopeful that I'll never get them. Phew.

Your belly looks fantastic. As I am sure the rest of you as well. What does Mia think of the Riverdancing fetus? Can't wait to hear the name. Acutally, I can wait about 2-3 weeks. That would be optimum.

Internet, let me tell you the truth, Beth looks fabulous. Much better than I ever looked pregnant.

And thanks for not calling out Michael's terrible behavior. I like pretending he is an angel.

I think you look fabulous! Congratulations on the name; that must be a tremendous relief.

Ok. Because it was going to be my last pregnancy I took weekly pictures of the belly and squashed them together half-assedly after Little Man was born. I share the result with you (though it's just wk 30-39 and missing wk 31).

That dark one in the middle is wk 35 and I look maybe about the same size as you are now so maybe you can have an idea of the next few weeks. (or the knowledge of how much your belly can get smaller once the baby drops - mine was between 38-39th weeks).

I'm trying my hardest to hone in on the name. I think I've guessed it, but I guess only I will know if I'm right. For some reason, one particular name keeps popping in my head. And, it is a name after a famous poet. I can't wait for the annoucement.

You're beautiful, Miss Beth.

We called K "stretch armstrong" , he was always moving - usually sticking a heel as far up into my rib cage as he could.

Only a few more weeks left to go. And YAY for maids!

I used an Ass Shield just the other day in a photo, and all I had in my body was a medium pizza--a rather poor lunch decision, I might add.

I'm SO happy to hear your getting a maid! That'll make things SO much easier on you. All you'll have to THINK about are the kids (you don't count!!? ;))

LOVELY belly!!!!! And, if you can hide your arse behind a chair back at 35 weeks? Kudos!! ;)

You are beautiful!

I'm hoping you didn't go with Wally the Riverdancing Fetus, but if you did we your loyal readers will grow to love it. :)

please tell your mother that she looks AWESOME for a 8+ month pregnant woman!

Beth, it feels like you just got pregnant (don't kill me because I'm sure it doesn't feel like that to you). I think it's because you haven't been posting pics of yourself very much. I'm so happy for you and your family - may you enjoy the BIG ASS boy you got growin' there! When I grew my boy, people would say, "Well, you got one healthy kid there." And I'd just think, "Or do you mean, damn you're fat?"

On another note, I can't picture what a cactus-fish boy would look like...


Yay for maids and names and babies and especially for slip on shoes! ;)

Check out this honking belly:
You're a petite little elf.

you look great, Beth!! :)

and yay for naming the baby. well, at least almost naming him

you went with Jack didn't you! haha just kidding. Can't wait to hear what you crazy kids decided.

TOTALLY hear you on the 'can't really complain but really want too' thing.

And you're really carrying all out in front there arn't you - cute! Last time I looked EXACTLY like I was trying shop lift a basket ball under my jumper. A jumbo size basket ball, I might add.

No stretch marks?! I may have to add you to my hate list along with my mother in law (6 kids and alledgidly no stretch marks).

Oh well, Bio-oil is a miracle worker. I may wear a bikini again one day yet, if I ever find the time to do about a million stomach crunches.

oh, and men like a sizable butt, or so I've always been told :)

A bit sad that you'll never again carry around a little freeloader inside of you? Seriously? Have you seen the movie Alien?

Middle name....again, please, for me, make it Danger. Hook me up, yo.

If it makes you feel better my belly is as big as yours and I am 30 weeks.
I also have a million stretch marks due to some very large twins that resided in me for 39 weeks.

Maids?? I am JEALOUS!!! Maybe one will show up named ALICE! (like in brady bunch)

You look marvelous! Really. I'm not saying that because you paid me to. And who cares if the ass is temporarily out of whack. I know you, you'll be back to your old self in no time!

I didn't hear that about the no stretch marks, lalala!

My first pg was punctuated by his turning from breech at 35 weeks, which happened during my birthing class and the couple to the right of me watched in horror as my alien did an Olympic style 180. It hurt like a...well, it hurt, but I couldn't stop laughing either, since it looked like something out of the movie Alien!

I too am sad that I'll never fell the kicks of another baby, but I have two little monkeys at home to snuggle that are totally enough for me to love now!

Can't wait to hear the name! It won't be too long now!

Aw, honey, you look great! I love the strategically placed chair. Fortunately, we have NO pictures of me from behind during my last pregnancy. 'Cause baby got BACK, if you know what I mean!

I will say this, I've been puking so much in this first trimester I've FINALLY lost the last 4 pounds from the last pregnancy. I'm wearing my skinny jeans! I'm going to enjoy the skinny feeling for another week or so, before I start to blimp out. And yes, I'm eating as much as humanly possible. I'm just SO NAUSEOUS!

You did it! You posted a belly pic!

I was comparing this one to your 34 and 38 week pics from Mia. You're carrying so differently! NOT BAD! Mia just looked so much higher. It's interesting, and beautiful, to see how the body accommodates a real, live baby inside. :o)

You look great! Much better than I did at that point.

And I snorted tea out my nose at your last sentence.

You look great! Much better than I did at that point.

And I snorted tea out my nose at your last sentence.

I'm not one for middle names usually (didn't give my daughter one), but you could use your maiden name as his middle name. I think it's a great idea and I wish I had thought of it when we had our daughter and I would have done that to keep my side of the heritage going.

Oh beth, I feel feel FEEL the pain....although I don't feel the right to complain, as I too..have had a pretty uneventful pregnancy so far (at 33 weeks) and only have a handful of stretch marks (only one of which looks angry, stupid stretch mark!)...I have reached the woeful point where EVERYTHING is uncomfortable. Standing, sitting, sleeping...I mean, I knew it wouldn't be easy...but I didn't anticipate that I'd be this uncomfortable doing stupid random typing, watching tv...dishes (ha!)....

We got ourselves a cleaning services (two blessed ladies that grace our house every two weeks)....for the first time about 2 months GOD, just the thought of them cleaning makes me kinda horny (ok, not really...maybe happy to the point of tears).

Anyway, just wanted to tell you that you look GREAT and that over here up North...I'm going thru the same stuff..:*)

Take care buddy!

You look rockin, girl.

I didn't have the toes in the tonsils problem. Intead I swear my son stood up right on my cervix.

I've asked him about it- now that he's 12 years old and being taught Family Life Education at school- but he still pretends to be all innocent about standing on my cervix when he was a fetus.

I bet you anything I have footprints on my cervix.

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