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Ok really, how much do you people want to know about my cervix?

I ask because I have my 36 week OB visit this morning, which we all know marks my triumphant return to the stirrups, and is also when people generally start telling you about centimeters and percentages whether you want to hear about it or not. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I just don't feel that you and I have that sort of relationship, and things have been going really well with us lately and I hate to mess it up by suddenly forcing you to withstand biological details of a part of my anatomy that even my own husband is highly unlikely to encounter. (And I was going to make a joke about my husband and my cervix, but then decided that even that joke was more than you needed to know, so I've removed it.)

Here's what I'm thinking. I'll go to my appointment, and my OB will violate me and then pronounce that I am somewhere between "steel trap" and "crowning" and then I will come back and report directly to all of you. But I will report using only Magic 8-Ball-ese. Which I have already Wikipedia'd and therefore have before me the complete list of original Magic 8-Ball responses from which to select. Granted, this will not give you much in the way of actual information as to whether I am close to going into labor or not, but the details wouldn't give you any actual information either as it is all basically moot and just gives us pregnant ladies something to do in the last few weeks.

Anyway, wish me luck as I am seeing the OB that often keeps me waiting for 2 hours and am taking Mia with me. Yeah, I expect it to be just as much fun as it sounds.

Comments (22)

It's all good. I think most of us have either been there and/or survived all kinds of cervix talk.

Hope Mia is good and that the violator doesn't keep you waiting long this morning!

Hey, I want to hear! Most of us "girls" don't mind hearing about cervix,centimeters, etc.
In fact, I enjoy hearing how far along my friends are progessing. If ya want to keep it private, I totally understand, but don't be posting just 'cuz it "grosses" people out. Good Luck!

That can be your new tag line "So The Fish Said... Now With More Cervix".

I am looking forward to hearing someone attempt to describe the condition of there 36-week cervix using ONLY the language of 8-Ball-ese...
Best of luck today, with the wating room, the kiddo and all of the above...

I'm just amused by the phrase "Triumphant return to the stirrups." Good luck with that!

Magic 8 Ball is about as accurate as it needs to be anyway...you could be 4 cm today & still have 4 weeks left, or you could make it to 40 weeks with nothing & have the baby the next day...it's all Magic 8 Ball anyway :)

I don't mind hearing about it at all, but it can be depressing to realize that no matter now far you are or NOT far, it doesn't necessarily mean anything. You could be totally closed and go into labor next week and have a 6 hour l&d, or you could hit your end date at 4cm. Stupid tease cervix.

Oh waiting like that in an OB waiting room DOES sound like a rocking good time.

I just hope that your cervix isn't posterior - those checks are NEVER fun. But you can feel free to share - I checked so many people when I worked OB that pretty much nothing can phase me.

I did once have a kid bite my finger though - THAT freaked me out...

You know, it's funny... I woke up this morning and my very first thought was "I wonder how Beth's cervix is today?"

Thank goodness I'll know soon!


: )

I don't know what a magic 8 ball is. I feel left out now.

I hope your cervix is cooperating! Come on baby!!

I only come here for the cervix jokes. Why do you insist upon serving up large bowls of steaming disappointment?

good luck at the appointment and LOL at "somewhere between "steel trap" and "crowning". you have such an elegant way of putting things! :-)

Good luck, today.

"...it is all basically moot and just gives us pregnant ladies something to do in the last few weeks."


HAAAAAAAA! So sad, but true. Love the Magic 8-ball-ese.

Yeah, it's kind of a game the doctor plays where we ask, "Will it be anytime this century?" and he/she replies, "That's for ME to know and you to find out."

I DON'T look to those multiple trips back and forth from the end of March to mid-April.

My midwife had some interesting experiences with the whole cervical dilation and cervical effacement thing.

First, she had one client that walked around a full EIGHT centimeters dilated for TWO WEEKS. Even though the midwives wanted to follow the woman with a catcher's mitt, she went two weeks like that.

Second, my midwife, herself, went to the hospital certain that delivery was imminent for her third child. They said, you are just a fingertip dilated, it won't happen tonight, go home. The midwife insisted on staying at the hospital. Twenty minutes later (NO JOKE) the doctor was swearing at her for not giving him time to robe up to catch the baby.

Take home message: It doesn't matter how dilated or effaced you are... go by how you feel, even though this is anecdotal... it has also been demonstrated to be more accurate than the other. Besides, you don't want someone tinkering that might be tempted or inadvertantly break your water. If that happens, it can limit your birth options.

We love you, listen to your body, take care of yourself. The little guy will appear when he is ready.

My midwife had some interesting experiences with the whole cervical dilation and cervical effacement thing.

First, she had one client that walked around a full EIGHT centimeters dilated for TWO WEEKS. Even though the midwives wanted to follow the woman with a catcher's mitt, she went two weeks like that.

Second, my midwife, herself, went to the hospital certain that delivery was imminent for her third child. They said, you are just a fingertip dilated, it won't happen tonight, go home. The midwife insisted on staying at the hospital. Twenty minutes later (NO JOKE) the doctor was swearing at her for not giving him time to robe up to catch the baby.

Take home message: It doesn't matter how dilated or effaced you are... go by how you feel, even though this is anecdotal... it has also been demonstrated to be more accurate than the other. Besides, you don't want someone tinkering that might be tempted or inadvertantly break your water. If that happens, it can limit your birth options.

We love you, listen to your body, take care of yourself. The little guy will appear when he is ready.

My midwife had some interesting experiences with the whole cervical dilation and cervical effacement thing.

First, she had one client that walked around a full EIGHT centimeters dilated for TWO WEEKS. Even though the midwives wanted to follow the woman with a catcher's mitt, she went two weeks like that.

Second, my midwife, herself, went to the hospital certain that delivery was imminent for her third child. They said, you are just a fingertip dilated, it won't happen tonight, go home. The midwife insisted on staying at the hospital. Twenty minutes later (NO JOKE) the doctor was swearing at her for not giving him time to robe up to catch the baby.

Take home message: It doesn't matter how dilated or effaced you are... go by how you feel, even though this is anecdotal... it has also been demonstrated to be more accurate than the other. Besides, you don't want someone tinkering that might be tempted or inadvertantly break your water. If that happens, it can limit your birth options.

We love you, listen to your body, take care of yourself. The little guy will appear when he is ready.

I am 100% interested in the condition of your cervix.

OMG I laughed until I cried when I read Maggie's comment...

"I just hope that your cervix isn't posterior - those checks are NEVER fun. But you can feel free to share - I checked so many people when I worked OB that pretty much nothing can phase me.

I did once have a kid bite my finger though - THAT freaked me out..."

LOL I do hope that bite didn't occur while she was checking the cervix of an OB patient!
ACK!!!

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So the Fish Said...

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