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One more thing to complain about

It has occurred to me that, since all four grandparents who will be jointly responsible for Mia's care and maintenance while I am busy producing an additional offspring have graciously agreed to come to us so that Mia can stay in her own house and thereby minimize as much as possible the disruption to her life, I need to be prepared to have house guests at any moment with very limited warning. And not just house guests, but house guests who will be perusing the cabinets and cupboards in search of sustenance and clean towels. This means I need to keep my house in a relatively tidy and clean condition at pretty much all times, which I am not good at. It also means any incriminating items need to be well secured. I have pregnant brain people, so help me out here. If your parents, and worse, your in-laws, were going to have unfettered and unsupervised access to every corner of your house for two to four days, what would you make damned sure was hidden in the very bottom of the Christmas ornament box?

Comments (52)

Wow, I'm kicking off the comments on this one?

I'm going to be bold and say adult toys. And I'm not talking Pictionary. ;)

Remember that KY warming gel you reviewed? LOL

Actually, I have a similar dilemma. Mine is sort of solved in that my sister-in-law is supposed to show up here two or three weeks ahead of my due date and stay for a few months. So the constant state of readiness and cleanliness is actually more like rushing around right before she gets here to make everything look near perfect.

I just want to hide away all my holey (but SOOOOO comfy) nightgowns and pjs. That means running out and buying more pjs since all I have are either the for hubby's eyes only variety, or the holier than thou variety.

Definitely the KY Warming gel (which is currently on a shelf in the laundry room 'cause the basement is the only place where hubby and I get alone time). Other than that I might hide my box of dress-up clothes.

I would say my mail (parents are nosey).

When I lived in Phoenix, my friend Penny would have her parents stay with her for a month. At these times, she would give me two very full boxes of her "adult themed" movies and toys. Some very messed up items in the boxes. Clothes pins, saran wrap... you get my point.

Well assuming you don't have a secret lab full of adult toys, I'd say any potentially embarrassing medications and anything potentially unsafe for Mia. I know there are a few places in our house that just aren't childproof, so we keep our son away and make sure he knows not to touch things. But someone else might not know to do that and 2 year olds are infamous for testing boundaries. That's all I can come up with. Lock the lab!

Yep- I am going to have to go with the other commenters here and say any Adult toys, movies and or gels/edible bedroom items :)
ALSO I agree on the mail... it seems like whenever my parents come over they are looking at my mail... sitting on the counter and I KNOW they are curious as to what my balances are

Ah! Scary! heh. Don't suppose I have anything to add, though...set the stuff you WANT them to use out?

I'm going to go with adult items. I would bury all in the back of the closet or in a lock box.

If it were MY mother, I would add all financial items to the list.

I remember you blogging about adult toys, so I would definitely put those between the Christmas decoration or bury them in the garden :)

I'd also hide books with titles like "Why I hate my MIL" or "Why I haven't learned anything from my mother".

Oh and I'd hide the good chocolate. My MIL has a sweet tooth, so she always eats the good stuff.

You odn't need to hide the sexy clothes. Didn't they buy them for you? :)

I would hide any chocolate. My family doesn't seem to understand that the kids can't get treats if they don't eat meals.

Guh, I am facing this exact situation. My mom will be staying at our house for a week with the kiddo while we go to Mardi Gras in two weeks! Hubs and I are taking inventory and looking for good hiding places for the adult toys, DVD's, magazines....I know my mom is kind of a snoop too so we have to be clever!Also, any bills b/c my mom is obsessed with our finances and how we waste money *roll eyes*...

The most obvious seems to have been covered already. The only other things I can think of to hide would be the granny panties and maybe any strange things you keep in your junk drawers.

I was babysitting for a friend in a pinch, once, and someone from her husbands office called and wantd me to take a detailed message. Not wanting to forget any of it, I went in search of a pen while he was on the phone with me. There were none to be found in any obvious places, so I started checking drawers in the kitchen, near the phone.. where I stumbled upon the "junk drawer". I was a little surprised to find a few tampons there... in the kitchen. *shrugs*

I also recall finding some matchbooks at my aunt's house when I was a teenager. That in and of itself isn't strange, but the cover of the matchbooks had nude women on it. Was a lil shocking... at 13. lol

Definitely the mail and my laptop! I just hate it when my mother sneaks use of my laptop when I am preparing something in the kitchen! I know I could set up profiles but...

I also keep a stash of my dad's favorite cookies/snack cakes for his sweet tooth!! I am sure you have those little extras each person prefers, rather it be half n half for moms coffee or a pint of whiskey for dads nerves!! (kidding)

All the sweets that you're saving for your post-partum days !

And don't worry about the cleaning, they will be happy to do it for you !

All of the above lol, wonder what the Grandparents hide from us when we go visit!
Pol x

Nah, your parents don't want to find the adult toys anymore than you want them to. They will steer clear of any areas that they might expect to find them.

For me personally it would just be cleaning because I wouldn't want the lecture about my organizational skills for the cleanliness of the baseboards.

Well, I always find your vibrator in your medicine cabinet when I borrow your iPod. BTW - stop leaving it in your underwear drawer, and for goodness sake, Woolite gentle cycle WORKS!

And I'm thinking Chris needs to find a better place for his pot than the spice rack marked "Oregano".

~Jef

Any reference to my blog... but that's just me. ;)

Good luck! I'm having surgery on Monday and may not be around for a bit to "see" you... I hope I get back before the new little guy makes his appearance! Here's wishing you all the best!

Maybe we're boring. After reading all these other comments, it seems EVERYbody has adult toys. I can't even imagine what someone would do with clothespins and saranwrap. It sure doesn't sound like fun though.

Only 1 person mentioned meds?? I would so hide my "i can't listen to this ear bleeding whining begging tattling sound of 3 girls" pills (aka, Xanax) from my folks. Not that they'd want to submit my story to Intervention on A&E but because they'd eat them all while watching said 3 girls.
I need a sex toy now.

Got any journals? Those would be the first thing I'd hide from all curious visitors.

Definitely the large pump bottle o' lube on the nightstand has got to be hidden. I've gotten lazy about it the last few times my mother came but she's good about not snooping.

I can't tell you. But I can assure you that I have people who know where it's all stashed in case I die suddenly.

Clear the cache and history on all computers in the house. "Hmmm, what's this fish site?"

SPEAKING FROM EXPEREINCE HERE:
If you have a bill sorter or a "public" place where you keep your mail, hide it. My mother in law (who isn't really a nosy person) looked through all of our mail that we had opened, my husband said that she mentioned to him that we pay way to much for cable and that we were a little overdue on the trash collector bill (which I had forgotten about and forgot to pay the month before, its one of the only things that doesn't come out automatically). Seriously, she was trying to find out our financial status from our mail. When he called her on it, she said "well it was sitting right there and it was open".
Also - I would get rid of anything that isn't safe for Mia that usually gets left out because you watch her around that stuff. I think another reader mentioned that. G-ma and G-pa might not realize they need to watch her around that particular item or place in the house.

Just tuck all the sex toys away and don't worry. Or if all the folks are a bit adventuresome, leave them out! LOL

Ditto on the adult toys and movies!

Also, ditto on the financial records and bills. My mil wouldn't snoop, but my mother sure as heck would!

Lastly, anything you don't want Mia to play with or eat during this time. Although I have a picky boy right now, before age 2 I limited his sugar intake to almost nothing, so I hid the candy/snacks when MIL came over, as she's a pushover and gives him whatever he wants. No way was he going to eat my stash of Dark Chocolate covered espresso beans!

Can't wait to meat Wally! Not long now!

Depending on you relationship with the four ... I'd do the opposite, I'd give them something to giggle about. All in jest, I'd make sure they found "fun things" ... not just the sex toys, but notes or pictures that affirm you two are just a young crazy couple in love.

On the flip side, I'd not want to give them things to worry about. Hide your financial information, bills, pay stubs, etc.

Oh yeah, hide that darn bong too!

The porn, obviously, and the hallucinogens. Also, the parking tickets. (I know, it's hard to find space for such a big pile. If you think of a good place, let me know.) The thongs (Chris', not yours - they expect that, or they should) and the bondage gear. It's not so much that they'd be horrified, but that they might try the stuff out ... and that's just not right.

'Things' that vibrate and anything involving pictures (moving or otherwise) of naked people doing stuff.

Well, you know, I'd hide the porn and the whips and shit, but as for cleaning?

Um, they'll totally clean for you. And be happy doing it. The Dynamic Duo's grandparents are way cool like that.

Definitely the adult toys and financial information. This decreases the chances of awkward comments or conversations.

OMG!!! I don't have anything to add that isn't here already but I'm just dying laughing here!

The vibrators. Definately. And also any porn if you so chose to have some.

Pretty much anything you wouldn't want to find in their house? Hide it in yours.

Don't forget to scan your (many, many) bookshelves. I pulled Joy of Sex, Sex Tips for Straight Girls From A Gay Guy, etc. when my inlaws came to stay.

How come everyone thinks you have a ton of adult toys?

Hmm?

food. hide all the special food that you may be DYING FOR when you return. fill the cupboards with kraft mac and cheese and pretend its all you guys ever eat. (unless of course it IS all you ever eat. in which case, share. because kraft mac and cheese isn't hard to come by.)

any see's candy left?

'Special' toys in the nighstand. Certain books that have a certain subject matter.

'Special' toys in the nighstand. Certain books that have a certain subject matter.

I'm the only one in the world that doesn't own sex toys, but I always hide my bills and my mail when the mil comes over. I try (and fail) to keep the kitchen and bathroom really spotless. I also hide my cleaning supplies so she doesn't clean when she's here. I'd rather she were playing my daughter than cleaning, even if I am a slob.

While I want to say that I'd hide my "special friend" a little harder then just under the bathroom sink, a part of me would want my mother in law to find it. I mean, wouldn't that be hilarious?!

ALL of your chocolate.
Leave the sex toys somewhere they can stumble upon them and that will scare them away from further snooping.
Although...you might be slightly embarrassed.
One time my sister Feffie was housesitting and the couple she sat for told her before they left to NOT LOOK UNDER THEIR BED.
And I hounded her for days and days before she finally did.
Guess what she found?

I would password-protect my screensaver, so no one could get onto my computer.

Any adult like items are of course the first, but after all, they know it happens. You are having the second one...and I agree with bills or bank statements.

So that's where you are supposed to hide things? In the Christmas box? hmmmm....

I am embarrassed to say that I don't think that I have anything terribly incriminating to hide. However, my house is DIRTY so I guess you could say that all of my filth is out in the open.

Most of the "hide it's" have been mentioned, so my advice is to buy a bottle of Antibacterial Windex. It was very handy in the last few days before my 2nd was born and both my inlaws and mother came over and camped out for a couple of weeks. You can do a quick clean up on the entire bathroom with it.

Well, if all four are there, they may cancel each other out. My mother minds her own business as far as I know, so I never bother to clean up but I would not ever let my in-laws stay in the house unsupervised. They got really mad at me because they wanted a key 'in case of emergencies' and I wouldn't give it to them. But they've gone through my checkbook, mail, boxes, the garbage! and many other things. Even when they just come for dinner I turn off the computer, clean up my phone notes etc. and hide the calendar. There's nothing incriminating there, I just don't like seeing people looking at my stuff.

We were in the middle of moving when my water broke with Oliver. My mother-in-law and mother helped with the rest of the packing, moving and unpacking. Definitely hide the KY...We also had a basket full of "toys" that I bought hubby as a joke for Christmas. Hot Hooters Warming Booby Oil was one of them. Wish that wasn't there.

If you have time, I'd do the laundry. At least your own laundry. My MIL took it upon herself to not only DO my laundry while I was in the hospital with #2, but she put it away.. and cleaned up my room! Hubs said they "thought it would be nice" to come home to a clean room. Nope. It was not. Sure, it was clean, but everything was put in strange places and who knows what else she found!

I also agree about the snacks. If you don't want children to have it, hide it.

The password to the blog.

And the Toys. Duh.

I learned something reading the comments to this post: I am quite far from being the only woman past her twenties whose parents seem to love nothing more than opening her mail at the first opportunity and then calling her to 'discuss' it ;-)

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So the Fish Said...

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