so the fish said...
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What I've learned in almost three weeks

Parenting two children is easy, it is simply a matter of deciding which screaming child can more appropriately be ignored at any given moment. I've been using this handy guide to help make the determination, and respond to screams in the following order of importance.

1) Blood
2) Vomit
3) Poop (uncontained)
4) Brink of starvation
5) Dropped pacifier
6) Poop (contained)
7) General injustice of being two and a half years old
8) Unacceptable waffle size/arrangement/syrup dispersal
9) Bug in my house! Bug in my house! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Bug in my house! Mommy! Go away bug! Mommy! Bug in my house! (repeat forever)
10) Poop (outright refusal to do so, to the point of being unable to stand)

Comments (28)

Does "bug in my house" refer to an ant or somesuch crawling around in a toy (dollhouse) of hers? Or in her bedroom? Either way, it seems to me that might be an #11. Or perhaps an early warning system of what parts of the house to avoid if you don't like bugs.

I definitely like that poop hits the list three times. There's nothing like poop that screams "emergency!"

you crack me up!!!

Just wait til they're older and driving you nuts and you get to the stage where you only get up for the blood-curdling "I'm truely hurt!" screams and ignore all of the many screams of injustice or mild owies.

Well it sounds like you've got it down pat!

Good list. The "general injustice of being 2 1/2" is a daily part of my life too. Similar, but not as loud, is the 4-year-old's injustice of things-she-can-do-but-doesnt-want-to. For instance, moving the 4 feet from story time to the bed.

acceptable:
- piggy back ride
- rolling her
- picking her up by just her feet
- picking her up hog tied style

not acceptable:
- dragging her
- getting under the covers first
- turning off the light and acting as if you are leaving
- saying no

Wow... there sure is a lot of poop... or not... on that list.

And hey, there are lots of injustices when you are 2 1/2... just ask a 2 1/2 year old.

Daya holds her poop in, I have discovered, simply because she does not like having her butt wiped.

This is a test comment.

Beth,
Just in case you are concerned with website tech issues, as you know (I am a broken record) my info is not remembered only on your site...and the issue is in both IE and Firefox. I'm assuming I'm not the only one, and everything worked fine before your site changed over.

I will no longer complain that I have to clean up the cat's litter daily and cat vomit twice weekly...

There is something to be said for having children that over the age of 30!

My list is the same, only I'd insert into the #2 position:
Brookie fell over (which translates to - I got jealous of Brooke and shoved her over while you were off having a poop of your own mommy).

Yup, you've got it! The good news is that the screaming diminishes in proportion to age.

I love your reasoning! I remember, after 3, being so used to everyone crying and screaming for one reason or another that once, my oldest was yelling like he was actually hurt at baseball practice; I told the other mom's "that's mine . . . but he's not hurt, he just has to compete for attention" . . . until the coach, who was also a paramedic said I needed to take him to get stitches in his leg. . . Oooops!

I started looking first and ignoring later after that little incident. Priorities, ya know.

Was #10 Mia or Chris?

Your first sentence made me laugh aloud. And then weep profusely. And then use your list to decide which of my own two screaming kidlets to tend to first. Note to self: this list belongs on my fridge.

I'll have to tuck that list away in anticipation of these twins popping out. Do you think the list still applies in the same way in a dual newborn situation?

You have it figured out.
Of course in our household blood has moved down the list. Now they have to be bleeding and nonresponsive.

There's quite a bit of injustice in the life of a 2 year old. Can't you see??

You know... I think #8 deserves to be a little higher on that list. It's pretty important! ;) haha. Glad things are going well post-2nd baby. I love reading your daily tales.

Haha! Totally a fridge-worthy list. Way to prioritize, Beth!

Um, can I get that list in a laminated / ID card holder size.

Kthxbye.

I'm gonna print this and tape it to the fridge.

What is it with the bugs? My daughter is someone not to freaked out about the box elder beetles (so many this year!) but craps her pants over a tiny ant?
Here's to hoping all the poop issues work themselves out soon. There's always glycerin suppositories...ugh.

have you heard of the red white and blue rule? Great for when their older and you want some uninterupted time (eg, after lunch quite time).

They can only interupt you if - there is blood (red), bone showing (white) or someone has stopped breathing (blue).

In our house, bleeding on something that can't be washed/easliy cleaned goes right up the list.
(I hasten to add we have a lot of nosebleeds down our way - non threatening, just messy).

oh and I'm totally with Sara's daughter re ants, even just in the singular (shudder)

Wow! You learn fast ;)

Mamacrow, that red white and blue rule is hilarious! Congrats, Beth! Sounds like you are managing fabulously.

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