Questions I get all the damned time, and the answers thereto:
Is Mia's hair naturally curly?
Are there seriously people who curl their 2-year-old's hair every day? Those people need hobbies. Mia will barely allow me to brush her hair, I can't imagine trying to do anything fancy to it. The curls are all hers.
When did Mia's hair get so long?
Why are you a vegetarian?
I'm not. I eat some salmon, tuna and crab and occasionally other kinds of fish.
Then why do you claim to be vegetarian, you lying bitch?
It's just easier than explaining that I don't eat meat or poultry or most kinds of seafood but do eat some seafood, dairy and eggs. Nobody really cares all that much. Well, most people don't care all that much.
Is Mia vegetarian?
By default, yes. Mia has about 6 acceptable foods right now, and none of those is meat. I've offered her meat, chicken and fish and will continue to do so occasionally but will not be the least bit upset if she never takes to it.
But don't you know that you are endangering her health and development by not feeding her hamburgers every day?
What can I say, I'm a horrible mother.
What are you going to do if/when the Hotty Pediatrician reads your blog?
I think that is highly unlikely since the only person (other than my husband) who knows both my url and the identity of the Hotty Pediatrician doesn't hate me that much (shout out to Laura, yo), the internet is a big place so the chances of him stumbling upon me are pretty small, and while he certainly has enough information to google his way here, I am quite certain he isn't that interested in my life. But if it did happen, I would hope he has a good sense of humor. Oh, and probably also hope for the ground to swallow me whole.
When are you going to post a picture of the Hotty Pediatrician?
Two weeks from never.
Where did you get those cool cloth diapers Owen wears?
Costco. Owen wears Pampers.
Is Mia potty training?
How's the poop thing going?
I don't want to talk about it.
How much does Owen weigh?
He's gaining about a pound a week, so let's call it 14 pounds or so right now.
What are you feeding that kid?
Breast milk. I was born too late, could have had an amazing career as a wet nurse.
Don't you want to have more kids since yours are so cute?
Nope. Well, maybe, if you are offering to pay for braces and college. But even then, nope.
Can I have your address so I can send you cookies/a baby gift/a nice package of bubonic plague?
What's Mia doing for preschool?
Two days a week at the church up the street.
But you hate church.
Not at all. I'm not religious and I object to many of the things done in the name of religion, but church was always a positive experience for me and I would be happy for my kids to have that same experience.
How are you so thin after having your second kid 6 weeks ago?
Shut up, you dirty liar. I'm 15 pounds up and the massive stash of Easter candy in my kitchen is not helping that situation at all. As of yesterday I was cleared to hit the treadmill though, so wish me luck. (I was also cleared for sex, but am more excited about the treadmill. No offense to my husband, naturally, blame it on the stomach so flabby that I am forced to avoid going outside on breezy days lest it get to blowing around and knock the toddler to the ground.
Did I miss any?