Things I love about breastfeeding:
- It's free.
- No bottles/nipples to wash/sterilize/store/remember to pack in the diaper bag.
- I never run out and have to
drivesend my husband to the store at 2 AM.
- It is impossible to forget to take it with me. Things I have forgotten to take with me in the past week include diapers, wipes, sippy cups, hats, blankets, strollers, the newborn. (I remembered that last one pretty fast.) (Don't tell my husband, ok?)
- At 3 AM, I can retrieve, nurse, burp and get the baby back to sleep without sitting up. I usually don't even bother to open my eyes.
- "Gosh honey, I would love to make dinner/do the dishes/bathe the toddler/have wild monkey sex, but I have to nurse the baby. Bummer."
- Actual, honest to god, almost-boobs and what could very nearly be mistaken for cleavage.
- 500 calories a day, baby. Pass the Peeps.
- You can't cry/scream/whine with a boob in your mouth.
- Long-term health benefits to the infant, blah, blah, whateverpants.
Things I hate about breastfeeding:
- You have got to be fucking kidding me. You just spent 90 minutes chomping on my boobs, you are not hungry again 10 minutes later.
- Pumping. (Are you a pumper? Because seriously, my hat is off to you. I think I would rather never get more than an hour away from this kid than deal with pumping.)
- Never getting more than an hour away from the kid.
- Waking up again to nurse again while the husband is sleeping peacefully again. (Best solution to this problem: swift kick to the shins.)
- THIS ECZEMA IS DRIVING ME INSANE AND NOBODY WILL GIVE ME DRUGS!
- None of my shirts fit over my boobs. Oh, except the maternity shirts.
- Nowhere to pass the buck at 3 AM, no matter how many times your eyes have literally popped out of your head from exhaustion.
- Breast pads.
- Sweaty breast pads. (I just started running again.)
- People acting like you have a boob hanging out or something just because you have a boob hanging out.