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My glamorous life

If you come to my house, you may notice that the blinds downstairs are always open, except for one window in the dining room. See, that's the one window that affords a view into the downstairs bathroom, and since I am never permitted to close the bathroom door I have had to settle for drawing the blinds in order to maintain some small degree of privacy. At least the neighbors don't have to come to the bathroom with me too.

So, how is your life glamorous?

Comments (17)

Just the opposite. If the blinds are open, I might take a little longer getting dressed from the shower. Who knows, it might make someone's day? (not because my naked body is awesome, but because hey... naked guy)

Oh? My glamourous life? I have paparazzi! Everywhere I go in our 2000 square foot house I can reach out and touch every other living person in the household because we are all in the same square foot!

Also, an aside, I have to tell Summer not to eat out of the trash ON A DAILY BASIS! GLAMARAMA!

Yesterday found me nursing and peeing simultaneously - what a rock star!

I never get to eat my own bowl of cereal. As soon as it is noticed by Stella it becomes her immediate desire. Even if she just refused my offer of the very bowl that I am eating.

Well, I just cleaned the litter box last night? That's pretty exciting...
I get about as much sleep as a coke head, except, you know, no drugs. And I have been sick for over a week and down in the dumps for who knows how long before that. I am nothing if not a total rock star.

The one set of windows that are drawn in our house prevent the neighbors from getting an eyeful of me nursing. Other than that my glamorous life includes washing dirty bottle parts while using my hands free pump...if that ain't sexy I don't know what is.....

I can't eat my dinner anymore. anytime I stop shoveling into madam she complains big time. So to carry on the rockstar theme, I'm 'gonna stay skinny cos I just won't eat...'

Oh, where should I begin?

Maybe I'll start with the fact that Ian took a huge crap on the living room carpet this morning and I spent 20 minutes trying to clean it up.

Or maybw the fact that I haven't showered since Tuesday.

All my blinds are closed due to one nosy neighbor.

Yesterday The Dictator handed me something round and brown. I thought it was a Cadbury Easter Creme Egg. Thankfully, I didn't put it in my mouth before I realized what it was.

My life is glamourous because I get to opportunity to try new things.

Hmm, my life is so glam because while passing my new kidney stone I have a 2 year old peering through my legs into the toilet cause she wants to SEE IT!!!!! One of the lucky ones who got kidney stones while pregnant. No longer pregnant so they all want out. By the way David so wants that outfit from yesterday. His relocation has not changed his obsession of the Skins.

I recently moved into a tiny basement apartment which hosts the smallest bathroom ever. It contains a shower, a sink, the toilet and alas - the cat litter pan. I have pooped with my kittens.

I could go on about how glamorous my life is - like changing blueberry poop diapers (how many did my mother feed her?), de-gooping ears and nose, or scrubbing detritus off the coffee table. But actually, I do have quite a bit of real glamor in my life - a minor dance troupe photo shoot last week, a stage performance this week, and a hair make-over at the salon yesterday!

Well, I'm glamorous in my late-in-pregnancy maternity fashions. Pregnancy with twins? NOT GLAMOROUS. With delivery imminent, I have only one pair of pants with a belly panel high enough that my pants don't slide all the way down to my crotch. What's even better? I have two pair of maternity underwear that will stay up, the other kind? Slide down to my crotch all day long so that I'm forever having to tug them up. AND? I had actually bought a few things in a size larger thinking I'd have late pregnancy covered. GRRRR... The good news? I've actually only gained 6 lbs throughout. And the babies are at least six pounds each right now. I might see a little weight loss any day now. Even if I will have a giant flappy belly. Do I win the glamour awards?

Yeah, my front door is often open except for the glass storm door which offers a view directly into my bathroom. I always close the bathroom door, except when a cat or child barges in, leaving a wide open view onto the street. I'm living large.

I got off the subway on the way home the other day and there was a huge pile of adult human shit on the platform right in the middle of the walkway.

Seriously, what the hell is WRONG with people?

I teach people how to fry chicken. And I'm not kidding.

hee hee... when I moved into my last apartment one of the bathroom doors didn't close all the way. I didn't realize it until my first visitor!

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So the Fish Said...

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I want to get a pet duck and keep it in the bathtub.
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