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Things I learned this week

  • You know when your first child is born and you are trying to do everything so perfectly and you swear that your precious, precious child will never eat Doritos or drink soda? Yeah, well sooner or later you will get to the point where you will feed that child McDonald's french fries for lunch two days in a row and consider yourself a mothering success because at least that is two consecutive lunches at which you managed to present a food that the child actually agreed to eat. At least today she chased her french fries with organic (chocolate) milk rather than the all-chemicals all-the-time milkshake.

  • There are no items with which you can fill a grocery cart that will disguise the fact that you are purchasing a large and varied assortment of enemas and laxatives, so don't even try. That, by they way, is also the answer to the question "Hey Beth, how was the Pediatric Gastroenterologist?"

  • It is a moral victory to throw away the last of the shitty cupcakes. Or rather, the last of the shitty cupcake once you have eaten two of the three remaining shitty cupcakes. In fact, when faced with the dilemma of what to do with a collection of six shitty cupcakes, I strongly recommend eating five of them and then throwing the last firmly away because that is nothing but willpower, baby, plain and simple.

  • Hey, two-year-olds say inappropriate things at inopportune times. News flash!

  • Chris used to live in his car in New York. Mia told me so, it must be true.

  • The following conversation will improve any week:
    Mia: Mommy, where is Daddy's hooker?
    Me: Daddy had to take his hooker to work, honey. He can't get into his office without his hooker.

Comments (15)

Apparently, one cannot get into a gubernatorial office without a hooker either.

Very cute.

My MIL often joked about whenever anybody called for my BIL while he was in the field on his backhoe, she would tell them
"He's out in the field with his hoe"
bwahahahaha

Haha that is a wide assortment of things to learn in a week! You must be exhausted ;)

This is an excellent list -- and I am 150% with you on the moral victory over crapcakes. I, for example, am very soon going to throw away all the horrible green and pink jellybeans -- as soon as I finish picking out the yellow and red ones. Good job!

Ah how very very true! all of it is so true and woooohoooo on your victory over the crappy cakes. Well done.

Lol yes todlers or infact any child says the most inaprorpiate thing at the worsed posible time to do so!
Congrats on ditching that last cupcake

So, what did she say, and to whom did she say it?

Have fun with the enemas, yo. Been there, done that.

Yes, on a kid. Not even MY kid.

I just snorted up some tea while reading this list! LOL Especially about the cupcakes!

Well, he does work in D.C., so hookers probably are like keys in some buildings.

I am glad I never made any rash remarks about soda or Doritos: words taste worse than crappy cupcakes. Which I totally agree you were totally strong willed to throw out.

The hooker thing makes my day, too.

It took me a while to figure out what "hookers" were - - too cute!

Also, how to I overcome the rice krispie treats (freshly made)?

Motherhood is forever a learning experience, isn't it?

When Kyle was younger (heck he's only 8, he might still do this!) he called the little drycleaning hooks inside the car hookers. So one day, we're at a big family dinner, and Kyle looks at my mom and says, "Hey! You know what? Doug has a hooker in the back seat of his car!"

Yeah, inopportune times... and hookers... gotta love kids...

I think you are doing a fine job raising those kids.. and there is nothing wrong with french fries.

You need to find better a better cupcake hook-up.

I loved the list.

You had a very busy week full of learning, now go reward yourself with some cupcakes that actually taste good!
And save at least one for daddy's hooker.

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So the Fish Said...

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