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Alltop gave my husband herpes

Guy Kawasaki says I can't keep my dead last listing on Alltop's momblogs page forever, which oh my god, isn't he mean? (Yeah, I know, that page crashed your browser. Mine too.) I am a little bitter about that, because it is sort of fun to be dead last on a list of 4000 or so mommy bloggers. It sort of says "Hey, you suck, but Aimee made us put you here." (Hey, do you remember when I made you guys vote about whether a) my husband resembled Aimee's husband and, b) you would do them? Well, next up is a vote to determine whether a) my husband's colon resembles Aimee's husband's colon, and b) you would do their colons. It's going to be awesome! All we have to do is convince Chris to get a colonoscopy and we are in business.)

Anyway, since I can't remain dead last on Alltop, I have decided to try to be the first person to get kicked off of Alltop, because that's a distinction, right? Which is why I feel I must tell all of you that Alltop gave my husband herpes.

Ok ok, so he doesn't have herpes. But he does have a prescription for a herpes medication to help clear up his shingles, and the instructions for his herpes medication instructed him to wear a condom, which I found hilarious because yeah, right, I'm letting his skeevy, open-sored person anywhere close to me, latex or not. Also, the shingles are on his arm, so I don't see how the condom is going to help.

We are watching Owen carefully for specks, which I hope like hell do not materialize, but if they do I will be sure to come back next week and tell you that Alltop gave my infant chicken pox.

Tune in tomorrow to hear how Alltop stole my credit card and used it to buy porn.

Comments (13)

And if Owen shows up with spots we are making the long trek down to come and pick up those chicken pox from you. Lady is due for her vaccine in June, so it's perfect timing.

Have been thinking of Owen ever since I heard Chris' Shingled Herpes diagnosis this morning -- I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he doesn't develop the Spotted variety. Eek!

You are hilarious -- and I guarantee that a post like this will get you moved several slots up on Alltop, not kicked off. Well, that guarantee isn't worth the computer screen it's printed on, since I have nothing to do with Alltop. But it's my (semi-)educated guess that they like stuff like this. Anyway, I like reading it. Thanks for making me chuckle after a day of stomach flu. I needed that.

Ok, I'll be the first one to say this... you can not get chicken pox from some one with shingles... and you can not get shingles from someone with chicken pox... and that vaccine they all push? BS... my kid had the vaccine, then got chicken pox. Yeah, you try explaining that to the school nurse.

So the pediatrician (mine is NOT a hottie) told me that, Oh yeah, we might have wanted to get him a booster to that vaccine when he is 12... well at the time of the pox, he was 8...

Good luck. Hope Chris gets better soon... shingles suck so I've heard.

Yeah my computer was a little ah sickly after going to that web site... it was my work computer. Oops!

yikes. sounds like alltop is headed for a cameo appearance on jerry springer. who'll want their badges then?

thanks for the end-of-the-day laugh. i needed it.

Not trying to start a pox war here in the comments, but this is why I expressed concern for Owen:

The NIH states it is possible to catch chicken pox from someone with shingles.

Also, for people considering the vaccine:

A chickenpox vaccine is part of the routine immunization schedule. It is about 100% effective against moderate or severe illness, and 85-90% effective against mild chickenpox. Parents often express concern that the immunity from the vaccine might not last. The chickenpox vaccine, though, is the only routine vaccine that does not require a booster. However, a higher dose of the vaccine given later in life may reduce the incidence of herpes zoster (shingles). Reimmunization with the high dose is currently being considered by vaccination experts.

By the way, have I mentioned I got Chris on Alltop too?


And Bryan's colon is so hot.

You're one funny lady.

Here's hoping that Owen doesn't get any spots.

Dude. Alltop stole your credit card for porn too?

Dude. Alltop used your credit card for porn too?

When my dad got shingles last fall (also on his arm) I took my son to the doctor to get the chicken pox vaccine. I think Owen is too young for it though. Good luck!

How old is Chris? Colonoscopies are really important, particularly for men past a certain age or with a history of colon cancer in their families. It prevents them from dying on you, at least dying from colon cancer, which I think is kind of nice.

Plus, it is absolutely, positively, no-holds-barred HYSTERICAL to make fun of them as they endure the prep. Seriously. If you find "wear a condom" instructions funny, wait until you see "remain close to toilet facilities." Oh, or "avoid corn." BWA HA HA HA HA.

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So the Fish Said...

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