Guy Kawasaki says I can't keep my dead last listing on Alltop's momblogs page forever, which oh my god, isn't he mean? (Yeah, I know, that page crashed your browser. Mine too.) I am a little bitter about that, because it is sort of fun to be dead last on a list of 4000 or so mommy bloggers. It sort of says "Hey, you suck, but Aimee made us put you here." (Hey, do you remember when I made you guys vote about whether a) my husband resembled Aimee's husband and, b) you would do them? Well, next up is a vote to determine whether a) my husband's colon resembles Aimee's husband's colon, and b) you would do their colons. It's going to be awesome! All we have to do is convince Chris to get a colonoscopy and we are in business.)
Anyway, since I can't remain dead last on Alltop, I have decided to try to be the first person to get kicked off of Alltop, because that's a distinction, right? Which is why I feel I must tell all of you that Alltop gave my husband herpes.
Ok ok, so he doesn't have herpes. But he does have a prescription for a herpes medication to help clear up his shingles, and the instructions for his herpes medication instructed him to wear a condom, which I found hilarious because yeah, right, I'm letting his skeevy, open-sored person anywhere close to me, latex or not. Also, the shingles are on his arm, so I don't see how the condom is going to help.
We are watching Owen carefully for specks, which I hope like hell do not materialize, but if they do I will be sure to come back next week and tell you that Alltop gave my infant chicken pox.
Tune in tomorrow to hear how Alltop stole my credit card and used it to buy porn.