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The Mastitis Awards

And the winners are:

Best Performance by a Husband in a Leading Role
Chris, who left work Thursday morning three minutes after I finally admitted that I needed him to, took over all child care and maintenance responsibilities while I napped, showered, went to the doctor and then napped again, fed the kids and made me dinner. Then he took Friday off so that I could have a three hour nap in the afternoon. He refused to lactate so he could take over the nursing, but he did just about everything else.

Best Performance by an Antibiotic in a Supporting Role

Best Costume
Tights, yoga pants, socks, t-shirt, long sleeved shirt, hoodie. Just to stop shivering.

Best Comedy
Thursday morning:
Me: Hi, I have mastitis. I need an appointment.
My doctor's office: Sure. I can fit you in on Monday afternoon.
Me: You don't have anything sooner than four days from now?
My doctor's office: Nope.
Me: Great, I've always wanted an abscess.
My doctor's office: Huh?
Me: Look, I have a 103 degree fever. I can't wait until Monday.
My doctor's office: Can you hold please?
Me: No.

Best Recipe
Mastitis brownies from my friend Laura.

Best Idea for a New Sticker for Prescription Bottles
"Must be taken with BROWNIES"

Best Idea for How to Make a Million Dollars
Sell a picture of my mastitis-afflicted boob to a museum as modern art. Actually, forget it, nobody should have to look at that.

Best Sequel
Beth Kicks Her Own Ass: Part 86
Once again, our heroine gets sick, starts to feel better and spends the day cleaning her entire house and carrying her three year old back and forth across the neighborhood - twice. The next day finds her wrung out like an old mop. You would think she would learn, but no, there is sure to be a Part 87.

Comments (18)

OUCH. You have my many many sympathies.

That just sucks. I hope you are back to 100% by tomorrow if not today.

Owe! I hope you are at 100% soon.

As long as Part 87 doesn't isn't, 'Pooped out another kid', I think you'll be OK.

Sounds like we our doctors have the same receptionist. Glad you are feeling better. Take it easy today.

Ugh... you have been through so much! I hope you're totally over it and feeling like yourself again soon.

Get well soon.

My boobs ache in sympathy. I hope you feel better soon! :)

god lord woman. You are making my boobs hurt! I never got mastitis, I hope I never do. Hope you are well now that the craziness of the week is upon us!

I'm suffering from some as yet unfully diagnosed abdominal problem, this is the evening and the first time I've managed to surface from my bed of pain (I also have a fantastic husband who's taken the day off work) and this made me feel so much better!

yay for you standing up to the drs office :)

Gosh, hope you're feeling better today.

So I have a personal question - how many times have you been down with mastitis. I've had it twice (Lexi is two months old) and if this is going to be a monthly gift I'm going to throw my boobs a pity party.

Cass - forget throwing the boobs a pity party - throw the boobs away! :)

Beth - hope you're feeling better. This sucks!

I'm going to make a sticker like that to put on all my prescriptions ;) Hope you're feeling 110% soon! (Yes, mathematical impossibility, but still, I wish it for you :P)

That evil infection made me quite pumping (cause we never got the straight breastfeeding action down). It's EVIL EVIL EVIL.

Keflex is the best! I took my last one tonight for a sinus infection/bronchitis situation, and I truly believe I may live now.

Glad you got some relief!

Oh you poor woman. I'm so grateful I never had it, it sounds so painful.

I LOVE the suggestion "must be taken with brownies." I see great opportunities for co-branding: Pillsbury. The official brownie of tetracycline.

Ick. I remember mastitis. My deepest sympathies. They should really figure out a way to make an antibiotic laced wine.

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So the Fish Said...

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