And the winners are:
Best Performance by a Husband in a Leading Role
Chris, who left work Thursday morning three minutes after I finally admitted that I needed him to, took over all child care and maintenance responsibilities while I napped, showered, went to the doctor and then napped again, fed the kids and made me dinner. Then he took Friday off so that I could have a three hour nap in the afternoon. He refused to lactate so he could take over the nursing, but he did just about everything else.
Best Performance by an Antibiotic in a Supporting Role
Tights, yoga pants, socks, t-shirt, long sleeved shirt, hoodie. Just to stop shivering.
Me: Hi, I have mastitis. I need an appointment.
My doctor's office: Sure. I can fit you in on Monday afternoon.
Me: You don't have anything sooner than four days from now?
My doctor's office: Nope.
Me: Great, I've always wanted an abscess.
My doctor's office: Huh?
Me: Look, I have a 103 degree fever. I can't wait until Monday.
My doctor's office: Can you hold please?
Mastitis brownies from my friend Laura.
Best Idea for a New Sticker for Prescription Bottles
"Must be taken with BROWNIES"
Best Idea for How to Make a Million Dollars
Sell a picture of my mastitis-afflicted boob to a museum as modern art. Actually, forget it, nobody should have to look at that.
Beth Kicks Her Own Ass: Part 86
Once again, our heroine gets sick, starts to feel better and spends the day cleaning her entire house and carrying her three year old back and forth across the neighborhood - twice. The next day finds her wrung out like an old mop. You would think she would learn, but no, there is sure to be a Part 87.