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Bits of the Tid Variety

I had to make a quick run to Target with the kids yesterday to secure new humidifiers and filters since none of the ones we had were operational. I has Owen strapped to my chest and Mia tied down in the cart and was hussling my sick child(ren) through the store as fast as I possibly could when some lady stopped me to announce "That baby looks tired."

Um, really? What gave it away? His red-rimmed eyes? The bags that looks like bruises under same? And hey, since you are feeling so helpful, perhaps you could come home with me and get him to sleep for more than 15 minutes at a stretch, which considering that he can barely breathe through his nose or his mouth would be quite a feat. Admittedly, tearing out her carotid with my teeth was a bit of an overreaction, but I haven't gotten much sleep lately either.

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For my recently departed 34th birthday I requested, and received, make up and moisturizer. Anybody get the impression that I am feeling old? In typical me fashion, I have been using the moisturizer but not the make up. I never seem to get a moment where one of the kids isn't needing something from me until at least 2:00, and by then putting on the make up seems rather futile, especially since Owen is just going to lick my face at some point. Maybe once the kids are in school I will turn into an actual grown up with make up and brushed hair and stain-free clothing.

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Speaking of my birthday, I got one of the best presents ever on Friday. Now, to properly appreciate this, you have to play along a bit. First, you need to get that "I'm too Sexy" song going in your head. You know "I'm too sexy for my shirt..." etc. To really capture the moment, you also need to do a little booty shake. Are you ready? Are you singing the stupid song? Are you wiggling your booty? Ok then, here we go:

I'm too skinny for my fat pants
Too skinny for my fat pants
So skinny ('cept for my ass)

Why yes, I have spent the past five days bouncing around my house singing that song, although only when Chris isn't home. And sure, fitting back into your pants at nine months post partum is not exactly a fabulous accomplishment, but since I have spent the past nine months continuing to eat like I'm pregnant with triplets and since pants are always a problem for me as I have a lot of junk in my trunk thighs it is a big moment for me to ditch the fat pants. Although now I need new jeans again, and that blows.

Comments (15)

I am 10 years, 7 months and 5 days post partum, and I'm starting to lose hope. 9 months ain't half bad, baby.

You're my idol. I'm 37 weeks pregnant with our first and I figure it's taken me 9 months to gain all this, it will take at least that to take it off. Right? No way I'm disco dancing.

You're my idol. I'm 37 weeks pregnant with our first and I figure it's taken me 9 months to gain all this, it will take at least that to take it off. Right? No way I'm disco dancing.

I've stopped asking for makeup as I am NEVER wearing it anymore due to these CHILDREN! Instead I am in search of something (anything!) that can get rid of the dark circles under my eyes and make my brow furrows less prominent. If my 21 year old self could see me now she would be terrified!

And the genius that you met at Target- it so would not have been overreacting to tear out her carotid. Not at all.

Oh poor you, I can totally sympathize. My youngest is 18 months and I was just telling my husband this weekend that I JUST NOW feel like I have some sort of my life back. I finally feel like we are in a routine and my body feels more normal and I don't feel so overwhelmed by LIFE. I feel like I've been having babies and dealing with babies for ages now (and of course I love them, but you know what I mean)....I feel selfish saying it, but I just want some "me" time soon. You can tell I'm really wild and crazy because I just went out and bought myself 3 new shades of lipgloss, at CVS and I feel very renewed. Oh me, what has my life become!

I hope sweet Owen feels better soon. :o(

The best makeup money ever spent was on concealer - now, no matter how tired I am, I don't have to look it. I rarely bother with much makeup - opting instead for a nice low key perfume. I don't feel like such a slug - cuz, HEY! I've got perfume on.

Hurray! Out of the fat pants! Get thee to JC Penney and try on the new Lee jeans. They have just a bit of a panel to help control the muffin top thing. They are mom jeans that don't look like mom jeans. :) Celebrate!

I love the title!

you just helped me set a goal! am 8 weeks post partum, and my pre pregnancy jeans could fit my arm now

Shopping for jeans can either be completely exciting or the worst experience ever. But YAY for getting rid of the fat pants!

I hope you get to shop for new jeans without a couple of children (although delightful company) in tow.

And I hope the children are feeling better.

Cas

I'm bemoaning the loss of infant cold medicine, too. That is such a crock. One thing that I used with my oldest (before he was old enough for the children's cold medicine) and that I now use for my 1-year-old is Baby Vicks. That stuff is awesome. I liberally smear it all over her chest, back, and the soles of her feet (covering with warm socks) right before bed, and I swear, she stops coughing and gets a halfway decent night's sleep.

And congrats on fitting back into your jeans!

Hurray for non-fat pants! I like the Levi's Signature mid-rise jeans (available at Target) as well as the Lee ones with the panel.

Sending feel-better vibes to Owen, since the sick child gods are laughing at us all by not giving us appropriate drugs for our kids.

are you KIDDING?! that's a GREAT achievement! remember, your body took 9 mnths to transform one way, you should give yourself 9mnths if not 12 to even START getting back!

oh and the target woman? my reply: 'yeah, me too'.

This is my first visit to your blog and I'm having so much fun reading your posts! I linked here from your husband's funny blog and linked to him from somewhere else. You both have a great sense of humor and I love your observations on daily life and parenthood.

Your family is beautiful and so is your fake boyfriend. You should stop by my blog sometime and check out my old post "Fantasy Husband League" in my October archives.

Yay for non-fat pants. I just had to toss all of my old pre-second baby jeans and make peace with my new wider self and some great stretchy jeans from Express... My birthday present to myself 2 weeks ago.

Regarding Target: I hate "helpful" people in the store who make suggestions like "Your daughter seems like she needs a nap?" or "Why isn't she in school today?" or my favorite "You really should take that crack pipe away it messes with their teeth." I just stay home and avoid the general public now since I can't afford to buy anything.

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So the Fish Said...

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