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Day in the Life

People ask me what I do all day, here's a recent example:

2:00 Owen wakes up to nurse.

3:00 Owen wakes up to play.

4:00 Owen wakes up to see if Mama wants to play now.

4:30 Owen wakes up to see if maybe he can have some boob.

4:45 Owen wakes up to see if Mama has changed her mind about the boob thing.

5:00 Owen wakes up to see if Dada has suddenly grown boobs and wants to share.

5:45 Chris's alarm goes off.

5:52 Chris's alarm goes off.

5:59 Chris's alarm goes off.

6:06 Chris's alarm goes off.

6:13 Chris's alarm goes off.

6:20 Chris's alarm goes off. Chris gets up and turned off the goddamned alarm.

6:30 Mia crawls into bed with me and Owen. I cuddle her and try to keep her from waking Owen up.

6:32 Mia wakes Owen up.

6:33 - 8:30 Get children out of overnight diapers. Make Mia's breakfast. Make Owen's breakfast. Feed Owen. Make alternate breakfast for Mia in the effort to get her to consume actual food before school. Scrape yogurt out of Owen's hair. Scrape yogurt off walls. Get self and children dressed. Abuse Mia by demanding that she have her hair brushed and face washed before school.

8:30 - 10:30 Get children into car, drive to school, park. Cram Owen into his coat, walk Mia into school because the carpool drop off has apparently been the source of all our preschool woes. Strap Owen back into the carseat, drive to the grocery store. Acquire groceries, strap Owen back into the carseat, drive to nearby clothing store to exchange lovely and thoughtful cashmere turtleneck received as a Christmas gift that made me want to tear my own neck off from the itching. Strap Owen back into the carseat, drive home. Owen falls asleep in the car, leave him napping in the garage. (Well bundled and blanketed, he's warmer in there than he is in his bedroom.)

10:30-12:00 Run around the house changing clothes and collecting shoes and weights, exercise to DVD that consistently claims to be 20 minutes long when it is in fact 29 minutes long. Why the lie? Do you think nobody has a counter on their DVD player? Finish workout, scramble for phone for scheduled call with client. Attempt to sound competent while disguising the fact that I am sprawled on my kitchen floor sweating like a pig. Owen wakes up. Retrieve Owen from car and shove a boob in his mouth to keep him quiet. Hope client cannot hear lip-smacking and gulping noises and won't figure out I'm nursing while having a supposedly professional conversation.

12:00-2:00 Finish call. Chase Owen around the house since he has been trapped in the car seat all morning. Feed Owen lunch #1. Bundle Owen into hat, coat, baby legs, and gloves, cram the whole mess into the Ergo and grab Mia's push tricycle which I promised to use to retrieve her from school. Realize I have allotted six minutes for the 15 minute walk to school and proceed to haul ass with a 23 pound baby strapped to my chest, pausing only when the front wheel falls off the damned tricycle halfway to school. And let me tell you, if you have never performed emergency repairs on a tricycle in 35 degree weather with a squirmy, screamy baby strapped to your chest, you haven't lived. Retrieve Mia, literally haul both children home. Prepare and serve lunch for Mia and lunch #2 for Owen. Receive phone call from the neighbor who is feeding my parents' cats while they are in South America saying they haven't been able to get into the house in four days and do I have a key?

2:00-5:00 Stuff children into car, drive 45 minutes to my parents' house, feed cats. Keep Owen from climbing the slippery wood stairs. Keep Owen from destroying a shelf of framed pictures conveniently located four inches off the floor. Keep Owen from cramming various pieces of the cats into his mouth. Council Mia on how to get cats to allow her to pet them. Try to keep Mia from rubbing cats directly against her eyeballs. Provide snacks. Drive an hour home, stupid traffic.

5:00-8:00 Get home. Make dinner. Make alternate dinner for Mia. Make alternate dinner for Owen. Set table, serve dinner, feed Owen, get up eight times to retrieve items for children, bolt own (cold) dinner in between above. Clear table, sweep floor with Owen in the Ergo so he doesn't treat himself to a Floor Buffet. Take kids upstairs, get both kids into pajamas, brush Mia's teeth, entertain Owen while Chris reads to Mia. Put Mia to bed. Put Owen to bed. Collapse onto couch.

8:30 Owen wakes up to protest the indignity of getting new teeth.

9:30 Owen wakes up to protest the indignity of getting new teeth.

9:45 Owen wakes up to protest the indignity of getting new teeth.

9:55 Owen wakes up to protest the indignity of getting new teeth. Give up and take Owen to bed with me.

10:30 Owen wakes up to protest the indignity of getting new teeth.

11:15 Owen wakes up to protest the indignity of getting new teeth.

Comments (34)

LOL. Ow...

Typing while nursing so can't say much. Ahh.

OMG. All that activity is one thing. All that activity on no sleep.... ahhhh!

You make it all sound so glamorous.

Replace "Owen" with "Poe" and "boob" with "dog bone" and you have Bryan's life these days.

what? you are still nursing at 2am??!?!?!

i so have no clue how you survive NOT sleeping AT ALL!!!!

Some of that sounds familiar, some of it makes me feel guilty for ever whining EVER because damn. If my sleep were that fractured my children would be shipped to Antarctica. With no coats.

Also: it's probably 20 minutes if you don't do that bullshit "stretching" business. You know, "in order to avoid injury". Bah.

Haha. I think you've convinced me to stop at one child!

Eek! I don't know how you do it everyday. Another reason why my womb will not be producing children. Hey, at least you don't have to drive to your parents today, that's a plus.

This makes me totally question the thought of having two children.

You are an amazing woman. You deserve a trip to a spa. Or at least a nap.

That sounds exactly like my life a month ago. I got on the pill, not realizing I shouldn't be nursing while on it, so I had to stop nursing cold turkey. It was a rough 2 weeks or so, but it was worth it in that she started sleeping more at night (almost 8 hrs at a time vs up every 4 to take the boob). Your entry today made me feel like I'm not so alone after all.

Where's the "Punch Chris when the alarm goes off for the third time" entry? You are way nicer than me and I'm not sleep deprived.

I'm tired just from reading that :P

And this is why I want to punch people when they assume that being a stay at home parent ISN'T WORK!

I would KILL myself if Taiden woke up that much... I give you PROPS. BIG GIANT HAIRY ONES. (Why hairy I don't know but THEY ARE)

Also although I'm sure no one really cares I'm going to copy your post and do a day in my life.

Thank you for reminding me why I only want one child. I don't know how you cope with all that mess. I was getting stressed just reading it.

Holy. Crap.

*blinks*

Ah yes, two kids. Several of my girlfriends have warned me. We are still considering it. Although, then again.. My favorite part is 4:45 AM. I am still laughing because it is soo my life.

The nursing all night... it ends. Eventually. For us, my little guy stopped nursing at night around 11 months, only to resume full-force when we moved halfway around the world and changed time zones by 13 hours. But by 13 months, he was off nighttime feedings. Sleeping in our bed, though? Yeah, we have an indignant teether, too, even when he's not teething. And a daughter who hates having her hair combed. I'm thinking of shaving it off?

My cousin once said, "I don't know what you do all day! I'd go crazy from boredom! I got a TON done when I had a week off once, but after 4 days I was bored!" I buried her under a beautiful elm tree. (Okay, fine, I went with the Weak Smile response.)

Sounds painful, yet I am living it too. Just replace "Owen wakes up to protest the indignity of getting new teeth" with "Audrey wakes up wanting to eat again because of a damn growth spurt".

I currently laugh at my friend who is 'exhausted' keeping up with her newborn who is still in the sleeping all the time stage.

I told her she doesn't KNOW tired until she adds a toddler to that equation...

Most of that I can SOOOOOO relate to, but alternate dinner and breakfasts? Damn, I feel like such a mean mommy now! Psshhh.. Forget that! Eat it now or eat it later or do without.

You are amazing (and really funny). When I read this, I realize what a low key kid I have, thankyouJesus. And see, we don't eat breakfast right when we wake up, simply because Mama needs time with her coffee and Internet. I totally feel you on the half hour or so evening wakeups. It sucks. I feel like praising the heavens when Thomas goes for TWO hours without waking up the indignity of having to sleep ALONE.

Yeah, but someday they're going to need you to pay for their college tuition and that'll make it aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall worth the effort.

Also, I kept expecting Chris to wake up at some point to ask if he could have boob.

Oh wow, Beth! That is a crazy day, but the way you told it was hilarious! :) And how nice of the neighbors to wait 4 days of not feeing the cats to finally call you!

Wow. You are a superwoman. Whoever said SAHMs don't do anything is nuts. It's MUCH harder than sitting in a cube all day. MUCH.

Isn't it funny how you can look back and see those first few weeks of motherhood as relaxing? All they ever did was sleep! Sleep, sleep, sleep. I decided to start 30DS again yesterday after a month off...i finished the workout and then fell alseep on my livingroom floor. I think there is a major deficit of sleep to catch up on...you understand.

Wow, that tuckered me out just reading it. You are amazing!

and...lather, rinse, repeat.

(i hope the cats were okay after not being FED for four days...can't stop thinking about that part.)

(whenever i "preview" and then attempt to "post," it tells me i've tried to post too many times and it's failed. so now i am just going to click "post" and never "preview," since it doesn't work.)

This is the funniest recount of a day I've heard in a long time!

Thanks for the laugh! :)

I'm having a poll over on www.dackelprincess.com
Please come and vote! I need your opinion on this!!!
Maribeth

I totally understand that alarm thing. I do that to my wife every single morning.

She hasn't killed me yet.

Good grief, woman. How can you be ALIVE with that little sleep? I'm amazed you can function.

Oh, that's hard!

I cracked up over:
"5:45 Chris's alarm goes off.

5:52 Chris's alarm goes off.

5:59 Chris's alarm goes off.

6:06 Chris's alarm goes off.

6:13 Chris's alarm goes off."

Same here.

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So the Fish Said...

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