Internet! I am about to hook you up! Pay attention!
Beth Fixes your Ass
I have a problem with jeans. Ok, actually I have many problems with jeans. I have very short legs so even so-called "short" jeans run about an inch and a half too long, I have a big booty and chubby thighs and relatively small hips, which means that I have to choose between jeans that fit my hips well enough to actually stay up which then prevent me from sitting down or walking, and jeans that fit my heinie that have to be belted so tightly to keep them from plunging to my ankles that I am left with a belt-induced polterwang. Not really attractive, either way.
If any of that sounds familiar to you, check out DKNY Soho Jeans. I got mine on sale at Macy's for about $35. But! If you go in search of these jeans, make sure to buy the ones with $59 on the tag and not the ones with $48 on the tag. I originally bought two pairs that looked identical, all the same tags and everything, but one pair was $10 cheaper. The cheaper pair stretched out so much that I could have fit two of you in there with me. All I can figure is that DKNY also makes these jeans for outlet stores at a lower prices and much lower quality, and that both kinds are currently for sale at my (and possibly your) local Macy's.
Beth Fixes your Lips
I've started this thing lately where I am telling my children to deal with themselves and doing my hair and makeup every day. You know, like an actual adult or something. It is nice to no longer be the grungiest mommy everywhere I do. Well ok, sometimes I am still the grungiest mommy, but at least I am not always the bottom of the pile anymore. Also, we are rapidly approaching the point where it will be necessary to Do Something about my grays, and if I am going to Do Something I ought to at least be doing my hair, right? Right. But I've been having this lip issue, in that I hate lipstick and lip gloss and while I have accepted chap stick as my personal savior it doesn't do much in the de-grunging department. Enter Pixi Lip Blush, which is basically what it sounds like - just color without goop. I like it in "Purity" and it goes great under chap stick. It claims to last eight hours, but that is an absolute lie. It also feels a little tacky right after you put it on, but stick with it, it gets better. Costs $18, which I didn't notice until they were ringing me up at Target and I about died, but now I think it may be worth it. Almost.
Beth Fixes your Whole Face
Not that there is anything wrong with your face, it is lovely. The thing that has been wrong with my face is that I can't get my makeup off of it. I use this and I can't use most make-up remover because it fries my skin and even after scrubbing my face with my regular stuff (more on that later) I leave stripes of makeup on our white towels. Blech. But, these Neutrogena towel things take the makeup off without leaving me looking like I've spent 20 minutes being bitch slapped. They claim to remove waterproof mascara too, but even with non-waterproof mascara it takes a heck of a lot of scrubbing, so I'd imagine it does work on waterproof provided you have 30 minutes to devote to the process.
You Give Back to Beth, Who has Given So Much to You
Now that I have tipped you off on all my favorite things of the moment, it is your turn to help me. My face wash was discontinued a little over a year ago, and I drove all over town buying all I could find at 50% off, which rocked, but I am on my very last bottle, which sucks. I need a new one. I also need a waterproof mascara that neither flakes off like so much nasty black dandruff nor ends pooled under your eyes by 4:00 every day. Bonus points awarded to anything I can buy at Target.