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Home Improvement 101

All homeowners know that the lovely paint job you work so hard on (or pay so very much to have done professionally) eventually becomes marred by the occasional blemish. Whether fingerprints from careless hands, scuffs from where you graze the wall with the vacuum cleaner, pureed peaches that the baby flings at the wall or the sharpie that your toddler stole from the kitchen drawer, these things happen to even the most careful among us. Fortunately, I have an easy method by which to touch up your walls and leave your paint looking fresh and new.

Step 1:
Dig the correct paint out of the back corner under the basement stairs. Clean off the cobwebs.

Step 2:
Mix paint well. You may want to take it to the store where you bought it and have it professionally shaken. Alternately you can seal it securely and give it to the kids to play with for an afternoon.

Step 3: Select your brush. You will probably find one in the bathtub or the pool bag.

Step 4: Locate your tallest child. Locate your tallest child's favorite stool. Place your tallest child upon their favorite stool and have them reach as high as they can. Make a small mark on the wall at the top of their reach.

Step 5: Paint everything lower than that mark. I mean sure, you can go along and just touch up the scruffy bits, but it will amount to the same thing.

Step 6:
Play the "Fuck with Your Husband" game by saying "Honey, I did something to the house today. Can you guess what it is?" Hours of entertainment right there, let me tell you, and he will probably give up and just buy you some jewelry to get out of it.

Comments (5)

I have a rubbermaid paint buddy and it is so genius. I keep it full under the kitchen sink and touch up smudges whenever I want! Your system could be vastly improved with one, except you may lose out on the jewelry. :P

You never cease to amaze me! You did that with the two kids at home??? Where do you find the time and energy for that? Hat's off to you :)

You did that without getting paint all over the children. Wow. RESPECT.

Heh further proof that you are a genius...and possibly the best mom ever. Because seriously, am impressed that you got that done!

Brilliant! By the way, the walls behind Mia's kitchen are yummy.

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So the Fish Said...

Whoever you are, now I place my hand upon you, that you be my poem, I whisper with my lips close to your ear.

- Walt Whitman

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I want to get a pet duck and keep it in the bathtub.
I am addicted to chap stick and altoids.
I am freakishly flexible.

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Clive Owen

Clive Owen
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