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On Marriage

The Situation: Chris uses the last of something we use daily which is toxic to the children and therefore extras are stored on an inaccessible shelf in the hall closet. Deodorant, toothpaste, etc. Chris disposes of the empty (maybe) and goes merrily on his way, leaving Beth to fetch a new one in her moment of need.

Beth's response:
Fuck! That fucking asshole! How fucking hard is it to fucking get a fucking new fucking whatever. Fuckhole!

Chris's response: Nnnnnnnnn... I like beer.... Nnnnnnn..... Girls are pretty..... Nnnnnnn..... I think I should scratch my balls now.

Beth's Attack: Nice fucking move, you fucking lazy fucking fuckhole.

Chris's Lame Defense:
At least this way I get to look at your ass while you go get a new one.

.......

A friend of mine recently suggested that there should be a book titled Classic Marital Problems for Parents of Young Children, and baby, I've got Chapters 1-12 right here and ready to go (file this one under "Chapter 4, He/She Doesn't Appreciate What I Do" ). Now, who has Chapter 13?

Comments (21)

Funny, Chris doesn't come across as quite that much of a caveman in his writing lol.
Living with someone must be SO MUCH FUN sometimes!! *eyeroll* especially a man someone.

I hate the fact that it is my job to replace everything. I'm assuming it is just going to get worse as my son gets older if I'm not careful.

Maybe we can instill this on our boys early and often and sometime their wives will thank us.

I'll be happy to co-author this book with you!

I'm stuck at home with two sick kids [both puking] all day. I call my husband just before lunch and ask him to pick up two very simple things on his way home... Bread and TP [last roll!].

Did the fucking fucktard listen? Nooooo.

Chapter 13: The husband is messier than the kids.

I think there will be multiple sequels to this book because OMG the chapter possibilities are ENDLESS.

When I stop to consider just how much stuff I do for my husband (pay bills, get oil changed, dishes, laundry, food, etc)I begin to wonder if he would be able to function without me. I find this both annoying and wonderful.

This doesn't have anything to do with the fact that he was at work until all hours of the night? Because that's the kind of situation that primes me for this sort of marital bliss.

This would've made a much more interesting plot for 'There Will Be Blood'.

My favorite is toilet paper and filling the dog's water dish. I seem to be the only one in the house that can handle either.

At least your husband knows where things are kept... my Chapter 13: Do you actually LIVE in this house?

So I guess I should consider myself lucky that 1) we don't have kids, and 2) it's only the toilet paper that he never seems to refill.

I love how he was perfectly competent to do certain household chores before getting married, but instantly forgot how to do them once the ring was on his finger. Like washing towels or bed sheets (he seems capable of doing his own laundry, but household laundry, not so much), or unloading the dishwasher. What's with that?

Oooh, I've got one: Inability to See Clutter.

An item will sit in an inappropriate spot (plant stand, kitchen counter, middle of the damn floor) for eternity, even if its correct location is six inches away. His eyes just...slide right over it. Argh.

My husband and I have what we affectionately call "The Toothpaste War". When we get close to the end of a tube, neither will replace it. "Hey, *I* was able to squeeze a bit more out to use, I didn't think it was empty!" When clearly, it is empty. My husband used to win these wars on upper body strength alone (seriously, he would squeeze until the tube begged him to stop). Now, I win with strategy (I hid a travel sized one so I have all the toothpaste I need and he is warring with himself). My point is, is it better to have a thoughtless husband or one who chooses the battle? I really don't know. Either way, you end up annoyed. At least they kill spiders, I guess.

Fuckhole is my new favorite word!!!

Sounds like a great book :)

This is a great script. I'll bet we could get someone to turn it into a screenplay.

Umm... this is not only the phenomenon of parents of young children; I'm fairly certain it falls into the broader category of:
Living with a Man.

OMG!
I am soooo happy to know that I am not all alone. I have left things like pens on the floor for days on end and he just walks over them. He can not put toilet paper back on the roll but I have finally trained him to put the toilet seat down. His new thing that pisses me off is that he has decided that the cat tree is the place to put the contents of his pockets each night. Everyday the cat is perplexed by this invasion of his property, and everyday I "throw" his stuff on the floor thinking that will teach him to not do it anymore.
I haven't won this battle yet. Along with the turn off the water in the sink, get your underwear off the floor, don't leave your shoes where I can trip over them, hang up your jacket, put your dishes in the dishwasher fight.
The list goes on and on. I could cry.

Overall, I can't complain (but I still do sometimes) because the hubs does a lot around the house. But he leaves his empty soap box on the counter in the bathroom, when the fucking garbage is 5 feet to his left. And he leaves it there for days. It makes me homicidal.

Dammit! I thought we invented the Toothpaste War! And the "teetering tottering pile of recycling that will go out to the recycling box by itself if I just pray hard enough" battle.

And I find myself lamenting the fact that I married a man who is severely OCD.

I don't run into all those issues. But dear God in Heaven, would it be possible to just sit down on a Saturday and NOT clean anything????

Do you actually... share deoderant with your husband? I don't think I could do that. :)

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