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Why it Sucks Being Married to Me

When I say: "Are you going to go out and get a girlfriend who isn't as tired and cranky and bitchy as me and who brushes her hair every day and who doesn't looks like she's four months pregnant and doesn't need to lose seven ten fifteen pounds and whose boobs don't look like deflated balloons and who doesn't have gray hair and fucking wrinkles?"

He says: "Of course not. I love you and you are beautiful and hot and are the only woman I could ever want."


But when he says: "Are you going to have an affair with that fireman who sort of maybe almost flirted with you a little bit at the grocery store last week?"

I say: "Oh my hell yes, absolutely, no doubt about it. Hey, what time are you coming home from work tomorrow? Because I'm having my new fireman boyfriend over and he hates it when you get home early and he has to find his pants and jump out the back window."

Comments (17)

ok. I just saw you and you look amazing. If you need loose 15 pounds I need to lose 100.

I had that exact same conversation! (now you're scaring me...)

It's the exact same with me and my hubby, except that I've been "carrying on an affair" with the UPS man for several years now (he's very nice and always remembers to knock and not ring the bell - he noticed the first time he delivered that I had young children and I didn't even have to ask him not to ring).

So... what you're saying is... it's wrong to say that? Damn.

Smart man. You've explained women perfectly here. ;)

I'm pretty sure that's exactly as nature intended it to be!

I say this all the time. My husband is way hotter than me and gets hit on all the time. I can't help but think one day he's going to take someone up on it! Especially if the woman doesn't have an ass the size of montana and remembers to shower. Sigh, motherhood.

So funny! Philip and I have a little joke about our boy/girlfriends. But, it's only funny when I say it.

Hey, at least you were both being honest. And isn't honesty the best policy? Yes, yes it is.

HA!

Swap out 15 for 50lbs and fireman for Raoul my latino lover and we have that same conversation once a month.

HAHA! I do the exact same thing.

WHORE!!!

But wait. Mayhaps I'm just being harsh and quick to judge.

Nah. As stated previously...

WHORE!!!

Hehe my hubs and I have scarily similar exchanges... tis fun, ain't it? :)

LOL!!! You totally win :)

This sounds like...us...

That is TOO funny! When I started working last year, my husband had stopped. I told him I was going to get a hot body again and find another boyfriend.

But when he started working out, I said, "you aren't going to get a hot body and then find a girlfriend, are you?" He said, "No! And told me all the things your husband told you! LOL

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So the Fish Said...

Whoever you are, now I place my hand upon you, that you be my poem, I whisper with my lips close to your ear.

- Walt Whitman

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I want to get a pet duck and keep it in the bathtub.
I am addicted to chap stick and altoids.
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