A week ago, I started trying to teach Owen how to fall asleep in his crib.
Ok, that isn't quite true, Owen nearly always falls asleep in his crib. I am trying to teach him how to do it without Mama being in there with him. Why yes, I have been as a matter of routine climbing into Owen's crib with him, staying there until he falls asleep, and then heaving myself back over the rail as quietly as possible. And when he wakes up, as he does often, I just climb back in. Lather, rinse, repeat until I give up and bring him to bed with me, where he wakes me up every 90 minutes all night long if I'm lucky.
And I know, ok, I KNOW. This is a ridiculous parenting strategy. And if any of you haven't gotten three consecutive hours of sleep in the past fifteen months, and I mean not even once, then you go right ahead and mock me and judge me. But if you have had three consecutive hours of sleep at any point in the past fifteen months, then you will have to just mock and judge me silently in your own head. Because I am tired. I am so, so tired, and climbing into his crib works and then I get to go to sleep. Briefly.
But it finally dawned on me that maybe this short-term solution was not the best way to meet my long-term goals. (Duh, right? But please see above re: I never sleep at all ever for more than a year now.) So I haven't been in that crib in a week. Well, ok, once I did, to get him back to sleep when he woke up 30 minutes into a nap that needed to be much longer, but otherwise, no. I started putting him in his crib and standing next to it on a stool so that I could get my entire upper body down to his level and basically lie on top of him while he fell asleep. And then I put him down and stayed there rubbing his back. And then I rubbed his back and head through the crib bars, and then his foot, and now he will go to sleep as long as I am there holding his hand.
And twice he has slept nine hours straight, and once he slept eight hours straight, and that is more than double his usual longest stretch, so I suppose we are making some progress here somewhere. And I take back everything I ever said about sleep training. (Except not really.)
Then, three days ago, I weaned him. I don't think he even noticed, which I suppose means it was past time to do it. Mama's Dairy Bar is officially closed. And while weaning Mia caused me to randomly dissolve into tears for about a week, all you're getting out of me this time is a heart-felt Hallelujah. (Tinged ever so slightly at the corners with a mild shade of regret, of course.)