Mia's school had a little end of year program this week - some singing, some dancing, lots of totally adorable children running around and hugging each other eight times each and making deeply serious pronouncements about how much they would miss each other and issuing strict orders to have a good summer. It was adorable.
Now, whenever you are in a room with 100 three, four and five year olds, you expect to see rather a lot of buttcrack. Those non-existent preschooler butts just aren't up to the job of keeping their pants north of the equator, and the kids don't help matters with their haphazard pants-pulling-up abilities. But oh man, I have never seen so much buttcrack in all my life as I saw at preschool this week. And it wasn't the kids, it was the moms.
I know, trust me I know, how hard it is to wrangle a couple of kids while keeping your low-cut jeans in a somewhat appropriate position. And since I have the longest torso known to man, I have the added challenge of usually not being able to rely on the length of my shirt to cover any trouseral runs for the border. That is why I wear belts. It is also why I wear low-cut underwear with my low-cut jeans. I could tell you the color and cut of underwear that at least one quarter of the moms were wearing at preschool this week, and I got to the point of considering that a blessing because if I was looking at underwear at least there was a better chance that I wasn't looking at butt.
I think we need to launch a public service campaign to encourage people to keep their butts to themselves. All I need now is a slogan. Anyone? Anyone?
Comments (27)
Bootie Call 2009
Buttcrack: It's Not For Everyone
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Posted by David | May 22, 2009 12:19 PM
Same slogan for buttcrack as I have for spandex:
Its a privilage, not a right...
Posted by Aubrie | May 22, 2009 12:28 PM
If Designers Made Cute Jeans in More Than One Style, We Wouldn't Have This Problem
Posted by Sparkle Pants | May 22, 2009 12:29 PM
I recently saw two women on separate occasions with so much crack showing, and I just could not look away!
Seriously, every time I see butt crack like that I want to roll a quarter down there.
Posted by Suzy | May 22, 2009 12:30 PM
I can't think of a catchy slogan except "Not Hot". It's not. I think at first it was kind of amusing and now it's just back to gross. I don't want to see your buttcrack, ladies. Yes, I understand that it's not 100% avoidable with today's jeans, but certainly you have to know it's going on.
Ooh, I just thought of a shovenist one. "Prevent Buttcrack, get on your knees." Because it's only the deep squat the really pulls those jeans down to sub-crack levels.
Posted by Brad | May 22, 2009 12:41 PM
Ug, I agree with all of you and I will up the ante with my hate of the added muffin top peeking out from a too short/tight shirt over those low jeans during a bend over. I don't have a perfect body, but I am very conscious of keeping the not perfect-ness concealed from view. A little dignity goes a long way.
Posted by kati | May 22, 2009 12:51 PM
Does Brad Pitt drop his kids off at your school? Because I heard when he started doing that, all the moms went from sweat pants and pajama bottoms to heels & full make-up & hair. Maybe they wanted to show him a little butt-crack too.
"While you're down there, could you unclog my u-trap?"
"Plumbers have earned it. When you're a plumber, go to town."
Posted by harmzie | May 22, 2009 12:55 PM
Stop butting out.
Posted by Cassandra | May 22, 2009 12:59 PM
"Just Say No To (Butt)Crack!" Seriously, I'd almost rather see buttcrack than the back of someone's thong, but jeepers, people wear a belt!
Posted by zanie | May 22, 2009 1:27 PM
How about:
Your ass is not an amusement park; think of the children.
Or:
Belts! Because we don't want to see it!
I think it sends the right message with just the right amount of oomph.
Posted by You can call me, 'Sir' | May 22, 2009 1:41 PM
I have noticed the same affliction at mom attended events. Can't they feel the air on their crack and realize that no one, and I mean not even their closest BFFs, want to see THAT?
Posted by Shelly | May 22, 2009 2:10 PM
(Butt)crack is whack.
Posted by Christine | May 22, 2009 3:06 PM
I have one pair of pants that fall down on me ALL THE TIME. This is why I've given up and stopped wearing said pants. Because I don't want to be one of those moms.
Posted by Crystal | May 22, 2009 3:56 PM
The funniest - and scariest - buttcrack sighting for me was in the toddler room of a children's museum. I had run out to the stroller for something, and when I turned around the crack (and some serious cheek overflow) was reflected in the 20 or 30 mirrors around the room. I could hardly make eye contact with my friend without bursting out laughing (and having my reaction reflected everywhere!).
Posted by Lasha | May 22, 2009 4:05 PM
I find that I often see more body than necessary. Butts, etc. What has happened to modesty?
Posted by cassie-b | May 22, 2009 4:26 PM
As a mother with a waist significantly smaller than her hips, I am sorry that my pants hang low and there is usually no doubt what color panties I am wearing on any given day. :)
Posted by Kelly | May 22, 2009 5:55 PM
My cousin has a saying that I like: Crack Kills
Posted by Lesley | May 22, 2009 7:03 PM
At times like this Beth, I think you need to skip the slogan and just scream out "Oh Honey, NO."
Also applicable in the case of too-tight white pants.
Posted by chatty cricket | May 22, 2009 7:51 PM
"Don't hand me no lines and keep your ass to yourself!"
Always did love the Georgia Sattelites!
Posted by Suzy | May 23, 2009 12:15 AM
No witty slogans from me this morning- just wanted to empathize on the long torso problem--I have that same dilemma & am always conscious of NOT showing crack OR underwear. But the amount of cleavage (both butt and boob)I see astounds me. I sometimes wonder "Where are your friends?" Because my good friends would find a way to tell me about that type of thing in a nice way. PS: I especially like "crack kills"
Posted by Jane in Pa | May 23, 2009 8:10 AM
Crack kills?
Posted by caleal | May 23, 2009 12:47 PM
God Beth,
This was lol funny. I feel an article coming on.....
I think that this is ONE crisis that could be averted if enough women are alerted in time.....
Just imagine what THAT Bat Signal would look like...
too funny.
Posted by Karen from Mentor | May 23, 2009 5:23 PM
I can't think of any slogans, but I really liked reading the comments in this post.
Posted by Zandor | May 23, 2009 6:52 PM
This is too much work for this exhausted mama! But, my daughter is the queen of buttcrack - as hard as I try to keep her pants pulled high. Unfortunately, her teacher is ALSO the queen of buttcrack.....
Posted by Haley-O | May 24, 2009 7:51 PM
Butt out.
Posted by CRah | May 26, 2009 12:28 PM
I DESPERATELY need help finding jeans that will stay up. I can't wear belts because it just creates the dreaded muffin top. I am one of your buttcrack flashers. I need an intervention. *hangsheadinshame*
Posted by Pocklock | May 26, 2009 1:27 PM
How timely! Yesterday I saw a mohawked woman all decked out in full punk rock glory riding her bike down the street with at least eight inches of snow white crack bouncing in the breeze. I've meditated on the scene for a full day now and am still not sure if this was an intentional silent f-you to all those behind her, or if she simply hadn't noticed that her pleather pants were not holding up their part of the bargain.
Posted by Anonymous | May 26, 2009 3:05 PM