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Last night, Chris got home from work a little early, and I bade my little family a fond farewell and went out to get a pedicure. Which was lovely. And then I went out for sushi with my friend Laura. Which was lovely. And as we were walking into the restaurant, Laura asked me a casual question that led to me telling her the Big Secret of my life. The story I've never told anyone, because it was too painful, too embarrassing, too humiliating. That I had locked up so tightly I couldn't, at first, figure out how to even begin to tell it. And it was scary. But then it was fine. Because it turns out that it is an old story, and no longer has any power over me. That it is no longer painful or embarrassing, but rather rueful and silly. And then I complained about my husband for a while (rather too much, probably, but it has to be done occasionally, and I had already dumped my Big Secret on Laura, so why not keep going?) and when I got home the kids were fed and bathed and asleep.

And how do I forget every time how important it is to step out of my life for a while sometimes? To unburden myself of my children and my husband and my work and my house and the small and large dramas of my life and have some fun. I must be a goldfish, because that little plastic castle is a surprise every damned time. (Anyone? Anyone?)

On an unrelated note, I am an artiste! Mia frequently asks me to draw strange things, like a dinosaur with a lunchbox or a bunny eating lo mein or Daddy building a rocket to fly to the moon, and last week she asked me to draw "Mr. Scott." This is Mr. Scott.


(I know this isn't Mr. Scott, but that's what Mia calls him.)

And this is my version, beautifully colored by Mia.


You are so impressed!

Comments (19)

Little Plastic Castles by Ani Difranco. LOVE that song.

I know what you mean about the unburdening thing. Since I broke my foot, I can't even escape during the day while the kids are at school to go take pictures. And I could really use an escape.

But you, my dear, will never pass for a Star Trek Geek. Mr. Scott was the irish (maybe scottish) dude who always said "I can't push her any faster, Cap'n!!!". That guy up there is Mr. Spock!

I'm going to go hide my dorky head somewhere now. :)

Having never seen Star Trek, I might be wrong... but I don't think that guy's name is Mr. Scott. But good drawing anyway!

I hear you. You have to bust the cycle every now and again. It takes and act of God for me to go out with friends but when I do it feels so good. And Bryan and Theo benefit too.

Glad you had that experience with cute feet to boot!

I am glad you told and glad it was okay. I say we make it a monthly tradition, a secret-revealing-optional, sushi-non-optional tradition.

A bit of "time off" is great no matter how much you love your job.

I AM impressed, actually!

I thought you were BRILLIANT for the fish/plastic castle/surprise line but apparently it was an allusion that I missed because I haven't listened to Difranco since Puddle Dive.

Clearly I need to get out more too.

I AM impressed! And since the secret is out and you're unburdened and all, you know, you can share it with your internet friends. We won't tell a soul! Actually I was just thinking the same about something I don't share with other people. That it used to be big and now it isn't. (but still, like you I am so not going to write it online :) Hope all is well!

I sure hope this doesn't end up being a duplicate, because "something happened" the first time I tried.
I heartily endorse the monthly tradition thing.

A bunch of us girlfriends do the sushi thing once a month. It's awesome. We used to just do it every so often, when someone would get fed up and say "GAAAAA! I need sushi! Who's with me?" and several would join. But recently Nenette (who I'm surprised hasn't commented already!) removed the pressure, saying "Third Saturday of the Month. I'm making a reservation. For how many?"

Third Saturday of the Month? That's this Saturday! Yay!

And I'm thoroughly impressed with your drawing, btw.

I'm a sahm with five kids that I homeschool. It is INCREDBLY important to grab what oportunity you get to 'get away from it all' from time to time and... just be 'you' for a while (rather than mum/first aider/referee/taxi/teacher/spiritual advisor/chef/life coach/etc etc)

and to make what I call 'selfish' desicions - ie, desicions you make purely based on what you want to do, rather than on when the the dinner needs to be started/what time bed time is/who will need to be changed next and when/five different sets of likes and dislikes/educational considerations/etc etc

if you don't look after yourself properly, how can you HOPE to look after anyone else properly? you can't!

oh, and I'm impressed! (yeah, the chief engineer is Scotty, but oh well!)
Have you seen the new Star Trek film? I'm a bit of a fussy scifi fan and treki, but I loved it!

Deepest darkest secrets are like that. They feel so god to finally let go.

Whenever you want to do sushi and wine and unbury secrets let me know, I am in!

On a related note, come to California this fall! I thought SPECIFICALLY of you when we started planning this little blogger meet-up because I would so love to meet you and I'm confident everyone going is one of those "your secret is safe with me" kind of people. I know I am. (For a small fee.) (Kidding!)

that's great! I agree, you really need to do those things once in a while. It's important, plus, you totally deserve that and more! You're a super involved mother and wife. It's tiring, trust me I know ;) hehe

I'm getting a massage on Monday, which happens to be my 25th birthday. I also took the day of from work. Woo Hooooo!

Okay, now draw one of a Bakugan.

That is edible.

I need it by tomorrow.


I feel like a goldfish very often and most days I have the three second memory as well!

I am impressed with your drawing as well! Thank god I have a daughter who is very artistic and she never asks me to draw. If her sister wants anything drawn she has to ask her big sister because they know mommy draws sticks and that's as good as it gets around here!

spock - scott, works for me the picture is pretty darn impressive whatever she calls him

Since D is working 7 on 7 off (days that is)I sooo value what little alone/free time I get when he is here - and I don't feel even a little guilty about it!

"Deepest darkest secrets are like that. They feel so god to finally let go."

Hi Beth!
I know jodifur's "so god" was a typo, but it is just so amazingly apt. Letting go of something that was festering inside of you will make you healthier. There's that whole let go and let god thing...but it works with let go and let dog too if you're dyslexic.

I LOVED the new Star Trek movie. I saw it on Saturday...on a date...first date in twenty four years with a man not my (ex)husband...yikes...AND my date is fourteen years younger than me....AND I FORGOT ABOUT BOTH THOSE FACTS during the movie....the movie is just that damn good.
Go see it. You'll enjoy it. Great post. Loved your drawing...loved both of the last two posts. You made my day. Congrats on maturing. But I'm sure the mean mom deserved the gleeful giggling.
Karen :)

Before I finished reading this post, I did notice the picture of Spock and when I got to the part about the "Big Secret" of your life, I thought you were about to reveal you were a trekkie and that you went to Klingon camp when you were a kid.

C'mon, admit it - that's the Big Secret isn't it?

Wow. Awesome Mr. Scott.

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So the Fish Said...

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