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How You Can Improve My Life

To everyone who drives in the D.C. Metro area -

No, wait. We do take the occasional road trip. How about, to everyone who drives from North Carolina to Ohio to New York -

It would make Mia very happy, and make my life much easier, if you would install one of those electronic reader boards on the top of your car, and every time you drive anywhere, program it with the answers to the following questions:

  • Who are you?
  • Are you going the same place we are going?
  • Why? Or alternately, why not?
  • If you are not going the same place we are going, where are you going?
  • Why?
  • What if you go there?
  • What if you go somewhere else instead?
  • If you go somewhere else instead, where will you go?
  • Why?
  • Is your car bigger than our car or smaller than our car?
  • Is your car faster than our car or slower than our car?
  • Do you speak Spanish?
  • Is this Spanish? Bwendo notres. Was that Spanish?
  • Did you see that truck?
  • It was green. Did you see it? Did you see the green truck?
  • It had a really long antenna. Did you see it? Did you see the green truck with the really long antenna?
  • What are those men doing? (Detailed answer required. "Working on the road" is insufficient.)

I could go on, but I'll let you get started on those responses before I give you Part Two of Five Hundred.

Comments (19)

I don't drive, but I will play along.

Who are you? Maria
Are you going the same place we are going? No, I'm going to work on Wall Street.
Why? Or alternately, why not? Because I have to earn money to pay my bills.
If you are not going the same place we are going, where are you going? I'm going to my office.
Why? Because I like to eat.
What if you go there? I get to eat good food.
What if you go somewhere else instead? I won't get paid.
If you go somewhere else instead, where will you go? If I could go someplace else, it would be a park to enjoy the sunshine.
Why? I like the sunshine.
Is your car bigger than our car or smaller than our car? Your car is bigger since I don't have a car.
Is your car faster than our car or slower than our car? Your car is faster.
Do you speak Spanish? Yes.
Is this Spanish? Bwendo notres. Was that Spanish? It was close and very good.
Did you see that truck? No, I'm sorry.
It was green. Did you see it? Did you see the green truck? I love green and sorry I missed it.
It had a really long antenna. Did you see it? Did you see the green truck with the really long antenna? Sorry.
What are those men doing? (Detailed answer required. "Working on the road" is insufficient.)
They are digging up the roads to install new gas lines.

Mine would need to be installed with the 2.0 version for preshoolers which includes counting to infinity and asking what O-L-P-J-D spells. Well, what about E-F-Y-Y-X? What does that one spell? Doesn't matter, they won't believe the answer anyway.

We've seen that green truck in the DC area! I'll happily put a electronic mesage board on our car if you do the same explaining where the buses, firetrucks, police cars, ambulances and taxis are going.

I'll answer yours if you answer mine:

Mommy, what color is my coat? Sweetie, you know what color your coat is, so you tell me.
It's blue. That's right, it's blue.
But why is it blue? .................

How do you answer things like that??

in the car, I cannot hear.
that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
I can see, don't get me wrong, but I cannot hear.
So don't ask me nuttin.
If I must answer a phone, a question, a person...I must pull over.
Do you really want me to pull over?
I didn't think so.
I cannot hear you, so sorry. (say so sorry with your best chinese accent).

kisses.

Yeah, I guess all that constant prattling becomes less precious to the parent who has to deal with it all the time, huh? I thought it was cute when I listened to it for one morning, but I can see how it could become tiring. Fast.

Does part 2 of 500 by chance include: What is his name? What's in the truck?

BTW, You can't believe how many Bobs drive trucks filled with bicycles in our world!

all followed by, "uh oh." the monkey had a tendency to drop things to watch me try and get it without driving into a tree. stinker.

Ah, but half the fun of a road trip is making up stories about the people in the other cars! Some of the stories are hilarious, some tragic.

What a marvelous idea! Let's make them mandatory all over the country.

@Elizabeth - I have the same problem. I get constant "why" questions for which "why" is not an appropriate interrogative. Someday I will snap.

◦It was green. Did you see it? Did you see the green truck?"
Hey Mia,
That was me in the green truck. I was going to the same place that you were going, but then I found out that you didn't pack the sandwiches.
So I used the really long antenna to contact my friends in the mother ship, teleported up to the mothership, ate some sandwiches, and blinked back into existence next to you while you were asking about the men working on the road.
(I waved at you with all of my arms but you didn't see me)

On my return trip I will ask the men what they were doing to the road and then I will suck out their brains and have them for desert.
(she'll like that part, kids have a gruesome sense of humor)

* Who are you? I'm Heather. Hi!
* Are you going the same place we are going? No, I'm not.
* Why? Or alternately, why not? Because I live quite far away from you.
* If you are not going the same place we are going, where are you going? I am going to my friend Kenton's house.
* Why? Because he invited me.
* What if you go there? Then I will spend time with my friends.
* What if you go somewhere else instead? Then I might be all alone!
* If you go somewhere else instead, where will you go? To bed.
* Why? Because I'm sleepy.
* Is your car bigger than our car or smaller than our car? Smaller.
* Is your car faster than our car or slower than our car? Slower.
* Do you speak Spanish? A little tiny bit. I got to help a tourist say that he needed propane at the gas station the other day.
* Is this Spanish? Bwendo notres. Was that Spanish? That was close!
* Did you see that truck? Maybe?
* It was green. Did you see it? Did you see the green truck? Oh...no. I saw a blue one.
* It had a really long antenna. Did you see it? Did you see the green truck with the really long antenna? Nope, I saw a blue one with a trailer.
* What are those men doing? (Detailed answer required. "Working on the road" is insufficient.) They are implementing a multi-million dollar road upgrade in the middle of a recession ;)

The questions do eventually taper off. Unfortunately they are replaced with screams of "he touched me" and "but she looked at me." Followed by "well he said the s-word. You stupid stupid-head!". "Mom! Now she said the s-word! (cue slapping and shreiking.). Kids in cars just suck.

OK, this genuinely made me LOL because I, too, have a three year old, not to mention a precocious two year old who asks, "Why?" But my favorite part of this whole post? "Is this Spanish? Bwendo notres. Was that Spanish?" Because it is spot on. Perhaps not spot on Spanish, but spot on toddler/preschooler. Nicely done!

I am right there with you on this. Also add:

*Why are we going faster/slower than them?
*Why aren't they/we in a hurry?

I thought it was just my kid who asked all that random stuff. I just finished a 2000 mile road trip with just me, and my kids, who are 1 and 4. I tried to teach them the quiet game, so they'd give me a few minutes of peace, but it didn't work. Every year I swear I'll never do it again, and then every summer I find myself loading up the kids heading to Grandma's house again. Someday I'll learn.

And you forgot to add in there, why isn't Grandma/Aunt Sarah/Daddy/random guy we saw at the grocery store going with us? Do they have their own cars? Where is her car? Does he have to walk? Why can't we walk? And making up krap in Spanish totally happens here and makes me crazy. She tried it at the park the other day, and the Spanish speaking kids were not impressed.

ROFLMAO!!! Sounds like my son. I just love you!

* Sarah (and the Goon Squad)
* No?
* Because?
* Tampa?
* My Mom and Dad live there?
* What do you mean?
* I would miss my Mommy?
* Florence, Italy?
* Id love to see an opera at La Scala?
* Bigger?
* Faster?
* Un poco?
* Close enough?
* Totally. That was crazy?
* Yes. Crazy?
* What did I just say?
* Ask Gabe. He had to study that in college.

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